Lately I've felt strange. Is it a good strange or a bad strange was hard to tell. When I stop and look at it, my inner world is calmer, no dramas or nightmares. But alongside that is the loss of that buzz, that feeling of eutopia that makes everything seem wonderful.

The past few months I've occasionally told T I don't get that buzz I use too from coming to therapy, but that doesn't mean I want to stop coming, but I miss the eutopia. T replied saying that perhaps my feelings are more based in reality now? I couldn't get that nor did I want too. It felt to flat.

This flat feeling is now connected to all parts of my life, not just therapy unyet it's not depression. I begun to journal last night to try & find its core and as I did I remembered something T said when I begun therapy with her about how my then alcoholism was a way of managing my mania. That too went over my head. But now I remember that conversation and the one about my feelings around therapy being real now and a another piece of the puzzle fits.

What I've been feeling is the breaking down of my manic defence. When I take a closer look at what I'm loosing, it's not such a wonderful thing. Because mixed up with al the manic eutopia was fear and pain and sadness. Infact it is like living in a Dali painting, where at first the colours and exaggerated images seem so magic until you are stuck in it.

This being more real takes a bit of adjusting too, but it does make living more manageable over all.

[Butterflies Are Free]

I think it's great that you have found a way to sit with your authentic feelings and are enjoying the rich inner life within you...

[Perna]

Great insight! I remember a period in the last year or two of therapy when old issues were resolved but my "new" life had not really started yet, I did not have experiences to go along with my new understandings and I felt kind of flat, like a nice little house that was all new and clean, exciting and ready to move into but which I hadn't moved into yet and didn't quite know how to because I'd never lived in anything but a hovel? It took me a while to catch up to myself and new circumstances.

This whole idea of reality, scares me. My reality is what know now and once I started therapy I began to release how much of my reality was NOT reality. Can't unring that bell , once you walk,through that door it just all seems to change, sometimes I miss not knowing something was wrong. Thanks for sharing earthmamma, I always find your post very uplifting ...life a foreshadowing of what's to come in my own journey.

[Miswimmy1]

Originally Posted by earthmamma

Lately I've felt strange. Is it a good strange or a bad strange was hard to tell. When I stop and look at it, my inner world is calmer, no dramas or nightmares. But alongside that is the loss of that buzz, that feeling of eutopia that makes everything seem wonderful.

The past few months I've occasionally told T I don't get that buzz I use too from coming to therapy, but that doesn't mean I want to stop coming, but I miss the eutopia. T replied saying that perhaps my feelings are more based in reality now? I couldn't get that nor did I want too. It felt to flat.

This flat feeling is now connected to all parts of my life, not just therapy unyet it's not depression. I begun to journal last night to try & find its core and as I did I remembered something T said when I begun therapy with her about how my then alcoholism was a way of managing my mania. That too went over my head. But now I remember that conversation and the one about my feelings around therapy being real now and a another piece of the puzzle fits.

What I've been feeling is the breaking down of my manic defence. When I take a closer look at what I'm loosing, it's not such a wonderful thing. Because mixed up with al the manic eutopia was fear and pain and sadness. Infact it is like living in a Dali painting, where at first the colours and exaggerated images seem so magic until you are stuck in it.

This being more real takes a bit of adjusting too, but it does make living more manageable over all.

I know exactly how you feel. I am dealing with the same thing right now. I think that therapy begins to lose the "wow" effect. I think it is just that I am in a so much better place than I was when I first started seeing my t, that the improvement isn't as drastic... I have adjusted to my life how it is now, which is an ok place... so yes, its just not the "wow" that i would come out of sessions with before.