[northgirl]

I've had my 2nd session of therapy after about 17 weeks away, and I feel like I'm a lot more vulnerable and open, which makes it so much harder. but something came up yesterday and I don't know how I should have reacted...when my T expressed something to the effect of "I don't wish I was in your shoes right now" and I had never heard anything like that from a T, or expected that. Maybe it's just my aversion to anyone feeling sorry for me, or downplaying how much things affect me, but I left wishing she hadn't said that. how do y'all feel about your T's expressing sympathy for what you're going through? I also think that maybe what's bothering me is I still want therapy to push me to move past all the trauma, abuse, grief, etc. when instead it's dragging me back into it.

[mixedup_emotions]

There's no right or wrong way to feel. Feelings just are - and by exploring those feelings, a lot of discoveries can be made. When I'm struggling, I am comforted by expressions of empathy - as it helps to validate my feelings somewhat. I notice that when I feel angered by expressions of sympathy, it's typically because I somehow see it as a reflection of how the person feels towards me overall, as if I am now "less than" because of what I endured.

we want our therapists to understand. I'm not sure the statement "I wouldn't want to be in your shoes" is a theraPutic level of understanding.

I think your T wanted you to know that she could feel your pain and emotions but the words she used were an apppropriate way for a T to express this, instead of validating your worryies and concerns she went one step further by stating that she wouldn't want to have to deal with them. Maybe you could discuss this with her?

[Focus62]

I know when my T expresses sympathy for me I kind of brush it off and act like I can handle myself. I don't like sympathy, its synonymous to pity for me and it makes me uncomfortable. I don't like the "oh poor you" feeling I get from it, it keeps me wallowing in whatever it is that I am feeling. I do like empathy being expressed though, that is more compassion and understanding of how I am feeling rather than my T feeling sorry for me. The only thing my T has ever done that has really thrown me off was when she teared up a little while I was telling her something (with the blank slate of a face I normally have). I didn't know what to do with that, so I did my best to ignore it and avoided eye contact... I think she must have got the message, because she pulled back on that emotion right away and I haven't seen it since. I don't know if that was sympathy or empathy showing when she did that...either way, I didn't like it.

I think your T was trying to show you that what you're dealing with is not easy, and wants you to not make light of your situation either. Perhaps she is trying to instill more patience within yourself, to allow yourself time to deal with whatever is coming up? Of course, the age old suggestion is coming...talk to her about it!

I agree with earthmamma , poorly stated.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by northgirl

I still want therapy to push me to move past all the trauma, abuse, grief, etc. when instead it's dragging me back into it.

The only way out is through.