[Onward2wards]

I've been working hard in therapy, noticing a lot of stuff coming out I hadn't counted on rising up this intensely. I am really amazed at how hard it can get.

The thing is, at the moment everything in my life seems to be a freakin' trigger!!! I catch myself doing this disorienting mental dance inside where everything I read, hear, listen to, talk about is suddenly a highway to "all my non-depressed feelings are totally invalid, I am invalid, everything I love and aspire to is a mirage, nothing makes sense anymore, existence is chaos". I am beginning to feel like I am just drowning in negative perceptions of self and the world itself, facing all my worst fears all at once!

I do NOT know what to do about this. I feel like I just crossed some threshold I can't ever retreat over again. Is this a good sign? I think so, I am able to challenge this on a level I never expected, but why does it have to hurt THIS much!?!? I am losing my mind.

[Miswimmy1]

I think it may just be the uncertainty of how hard u are working. I know when I do intense therapy, I often go through confidence crisises. I am not sure why. But i think it may have someone to do with the idea that your wrapping your brain around all of the things, u aren't used to th level of comfortableness with all the things that used to not be comfortable, and u almost feel like its too good to be true. So u start questioning and doubting. Which is one of the worst thing unfortunately.

I went through something similar to this a few months back. I sat in t's office and just practically exploded it all in this breathless torrent of words and tears and after we talked about it awhile she offered a 2nd appt that week where we talked about it some more and that was so very helpful. Thankfully with her help I was able to ride it out. I think maybe that's something that we just have to do.... learn to ride it out with t's help. I dunno if it helps or not, but at least it lets you know you're definitely not alone in that! hugs.

There were several times with my old t that this happened. I remember how overwhelmed i felt. I hope things get better for you soon.

[adel34]

This sounds so painful! I hope you feel better soon.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by Onward2wards

I do NOT know what to do about this.

Please tell your T this. He/she can help you with what to do. It's so hard when it's overwhelming. Trust your T to help by telling him/her.

You know, Onward2wards, I think this may be a sign that the therapy is working for you. That you are allowing the memories to come an you are trusting your T enough to let your mental shields down. WIth the shields down, everything feels hurtful. I can relate to some degree, though your experience sounds much more intense and painful than mine. I think you should let your T help you through this... talk to him/her about it.