[adel34]

Hi Everyone,
Sorry I haven't posted in a while.
I've just been really down.
For those of you following my rediculous experience of simply trying to find a day program to go to, the place I went to on wednesday also didn't work out. As with the one on monday, everyone there was developmentally disabled or just plain strange and I couldn't relate to them. I did like some of the staff though, which was nice.
I feel more and more like isolating everyday, and just giving up this stupid search. It shouldn't be this hard just to find the resources to get better! It's not just that. I had a hard time opening up to my t this past session. It was right after coming back from that day program and I just wanted to cry but not in front of her. I keep so much in it's scary.
There is this one program that's 40 minutes away that has a track specifically for young adults. I have a couple people looking into trying to find an actual person for me to talk to, as calling the intake line is useless! I called several times in the last couple weeks and didn't hear anthing. So there is that.
But more and more I'm beyond discouraged with the mental health system everywhere, not just in Chicago. I'm not gonna name names (you know who you are, and this probably applies to more people than I'm aware of) but I can thinkof at least two people on here who have been dealing with real crisis situations lately, and are getting/ have been pritty screwed by those claiming to "help." These so called treatment providers or hospitals don't seem to care the damage they're doing, and often seem to be making the situation worse. Just makes me question so much. I'm learning more on here about therapy and how things really work than I ever did studdying counseling in undergrad for the past four years. And that the textbook things to do, like suggesting that someone go to a hospital when in crisis, often don't pan out in the most positive way. It's beyond sad to me and makes me so angry!
Then I was searching old threads on here today cause I was bored and found something from someone in NY going through my exact situation awhile back in terms of trying to find a therapist with just medicade. She was getting nowhere. So guess it doesn't matter the state. Sorry for ranting.
I've been thinking about other stuff too. My family in MA wants me to come home for the holidays and at first I agreed. But over the past week or so I've been questioning whether or not it's worth it. The issues that I moved away to get away from are still very much there. I would be dependent on my family to drive me to where I needed to go, or at least to the next town to get paratransit, and otherwise I'd be stuck in the house. I don't feel exactly close to any of my friends from MA anymore as they all cut out of my life after the move so that's kind of gone. I wanted to go back to have a couple sessions with VMT T, but is that even worth it? i haven't been in a singing mood lately, and music therapy didn't even work out. Again I felt so overwhelmed by all my feelings that I just shut down and couldn't work with her. Not to mention that I think her lack of confidence in singing didn't help matters. So yeah that's done.
So yeah, thinking maybe I won't go back after all but don't know. It would be lonely at christmas just being here though. Last christmas I spent time with another so-called friend from OZ over break and it was pritty cool. But we haven't talked in forever. She recently tried to get back in touch but I couldn't possibly tell her what's going on with me. She doesn't believe in mental illness, thinks I should be off meds, and on and on. I don't want to deal with that.
So yeah, don't know what will happen this week. So weird, last week I was so scheduled. This week I don't have much to do at all. Yesterday I slept most of the day. Today I managed to change my bed, and go out to dinner with another resident but it was so tiring. Anyway, that's what's been up with me. Sorry it's long.

[mixedup_emotions]

I'm so sorry that you're feeling so discouraged.

I hope you can figure out something to do that you enjoy, to help get you out of this down spot. I know it's hard, considering you're been working so hard to find a program that works for you and not having much success.

(( HUGS ))

[rainbow8]

You do sound kind of depressed, which is understandable with all of your disappointments this week. (hugs) I'm sorry the day programs didn't work out but don't give up. I'm hoping the one you haven't seen yet will be the one for you!

I really think that going home for the holidays would be a good idea even though you have problems with your family. Maybe you could try to reconnect with those friends, at least one of them, in the time you have now? I also think it would be a good idea to see the VMT. Of course it will be worth it! You have a connection with her and maybe she can even help you with your dilemmas in Chicago. Even if you don't feel like seeing her now, it will be good for you. My opinion, anyway. hugs. Lots of hugs!!!

[adel34]

Hi Everyone,
Thanks so much for all your support!
I'll keep looking for a program here and try to stay hopeful.
And I'll think about what you said Rainbow, about going home. Yeah, VMT t and I do still have a wonderful connection that's for sure!
Thanks everyone.

Are you willing to consider other types of therapy besides a day program? It doesn’t even need to be formal therapy. There are many different support/social groups out in the community that may just meet your needs. They can be a great way to meet people in similar situations and socialize. Distraction helps recovery. I attend one for autistic women and love it, because I can relate to the others and what they are going through.

As you have discovered, day programs are usually restricted to certain patient populations. Even if you find a suitable one, you may discover that you don’t like it. I have been to one and quit since I could not relate to the others. It felt more like a “I am more mentally ill than you contest” rather than a rehabilitation group. All the drama and self destructive behaviours of some of the members affected me so much, that I decided it was best to leave.

There are other non-psychiatric programs or approaches that may also help, such as horseback riding, therapy dogs, volunteer work, visiting of seniors, clubs etc...

Originally Posted by adel34

But more and more I'm beyond discouraged with the mental health system everywhere, not just in Chicago. These so called treatment providers or hospitals don't seem to care the damage they're doing, and often seem to be making the situation worse. Just makes me question so much.

This is very common. I am proof. Hospital mental health services tortured me. I was misdiagnosed and given medication that did nothing but complicate my situation. After I left, I started to recover and live.

Hospitalization does not promote long term recovery. It is meant to address immediate concerns. Attending the Emergency Department is not the best way to get help. All they know how to do is admit or not. They are extremely limited in what they can do. Most often get thrown out on the street. Feelings are usually “invalidated” in this environment so I never ever go to these places. Recovery is done out in the community, with the help of family and friends along with a therapist and/or other professionals.

Perhaps a family visit is a good idea. It sounds like you really need a break from all this.

[CantExplain]

((Adel))

[sweepy62]

I'm sending un hugs and I know that feeling of down take care of yourself

[adel34]

Hi Everyone,
Thanks for all your support and hugs!
Deji: Thanks so much for your response. If this last one I'm trying to look at doesn't work out, I'll deffinetely consider the other options you talked about. My blind services worker was going to try and find social groups for me and stuff like that, so we'll see what she comes up with.
I'm so sorry about your experience in the hospital. I've never been hospitalized and just assumed it would be more helpful, and the staff would be more caring, than it seems the reality is. Which is awful!
I still don't know about a family visit. Going back to them isn't exactly a "break". I wish I had been on here for the past year or so when I was fighting and looking and looking for a place to live that wasn't their house, and dealing with all the issues that are there. You guys would be saying stay here! (smile)
Anyway, Thanks again for all your support. It means so much.

[pbutton]

I totally get what you're saying. My family is not a "break" either. They are much more stressful than relaxing. Do what is best for you.

[adel34]

Hi Pbutton,
Thanks! Yeah, I will.