[Sr564231]

My therapist is the sweetest man and I have been seeing him for almost a year now. His sessions are always supposed to be 1 hour. I am his last appt on thurs night from 8:45-9:45 pm. He always goes over like at least until 10:05 or more. I can never see the clock so i never know when its almost 9:45 to try to stop so i just leave it to him when ever he wants to end. When, I walk out and see I went over every time i feel guilty and want him to stop on time. I always thought if he minded he would stop. Is this normal? Even if it is normal I don't want to feel like he is doing anything extra for me and i "owe him" or something. I want to come for an hour and pay for an hour. I also secretly like that he goes over i feel special but at the same time i just feel conflicted. Sometimes if he sees me he will take me in a couple min early? I usually dont come in until the time so he cant take me earlier. And its like the one or two times he was in a rush and ended on time i felt a little angry at him but i know i wouldnt if he ended on time every other time.

[stopdog]

Can you talk to him about it? The inconsistency would bother me even when rationally I would know it is not about me.

[CantExplain]

It does sound a bit odd. You expect a T to have good boundaries.

On the other hand, if he wants to be generous, why not?

[Miswimmy1]

I would luv to have my meetings go over. Sometimes mine go long, if she doesn't haven't another waiting after me. But if your t goes over into other peoples time slots then that's an issue

[critterlady]

If it bothers you, you should really discuss it with him.

Mine go over 5 to 10 minutes at the most, but i would love and extra 30 minutes. You should just talk to T.

[Asiablue]

My appointments often go over by 10-15 mins if there is no one else after me. I like it too but also feel bad about it sometimes, i can't see the clock without turning my head and making it obvious i'm looking at the time... which i worry makes me look bored or something lol I've just figured that it's up to her to manage the time.

[stopdog]

I actually use my own watch when I cannot see the clock. I hate being at their mercy as to when time is up. When the time hits the end, I get up, put my money on the table and leave.

[Big Mama]

My T goes over from time to time. I'm her last client. Sometimes things are just flowing so well we don't stop. Other times she'll ask a Q and I'll tell her you know we only have 10 min left. That is to much to get into for such a short amount of time. She looks and says well thats o.k. it's important. Sometimes she does take me in early if she doesn't have someone before me. I travel a long ways and sometimes It's nice just to relax a few min w/ no kids. It's even nicer to get to go in early and get out early or go in early and get out at the same time as usual and get a few extra min.

[Victoria'smom]

My husband's T has gone over by an hour normally. So he's the last client of the day.

[autotelica]

The only time my therapist ever goes over is when mine is the last session of the day and she wants me to walk her to her car. She'll have me wait while she gathers her things together, and we'll keep talking.

She's excellent about time-keeping, I have to say. There have only been a couple of times when I felt cheated because we had to stop early. And she's rarely late. I wish my shrink (ex-shrink now) could be this organized.

[Dreamy01]

Originally Posted by Sr564231

My therapist is the sweetest man and I have been seeing him for almost a year now. His sessions are always supposed to be 1 hour. I am his last appt on thurs night from 8:45-9:45 pm. He always goes over like at least until 10:05 or more. I can never see the clock so i never know when its almost 9:45 to try to stop so i just leave it to him when ever he wants to end. When, I walk out and see I went over every time i feel guilty and want him to stop on time. I always thought if he minded he would stop. Is this normal? Even if it is normal I don't want to feel like he is doing anything extra for me and i "owe him" or something. I want to come for an hour and pay for an hour. I also secretly like that he goes over i feel special but at the same time i just feel conflicted. Sometimes if he sees me he will take me in a couple min early? I usually dont come in until the time so he cant take me earlier. And its like the one or two times he was in a rush and ended on time i felt a little angry at him but i know i wouldnt if he ended on time every other time.

It annoys me a bit when I hear of therapists doing this sort of thing, although I know it's probably my stuff. It's fine if it works for you, the client - but it can also be a mindfield like you describe. It brings up worries about being 'special' or 'owing T' or even guilt because of the other clients or having too much. Most of all it gives the impression of shaky, loose boundaries - and bearing in mind most people in therapy have had little or no healthy boundaries, how can T's example be helpful? Your anger might be coming from a need for T to set the boundaries you need so badly, so you know where you are. I suffered from repressed chronic anger at my parents for years for various reasons but only when I was an adult did I realise that it stemmed from a need for them to be parents and call the shots. I think you may need T to be a t and set the guidelines to reassure you. That is natural.

I wonder if you can bring this up with your T and explain how his lack of timing is affecting you. Your feelings are valid here. He probably feels he is doing you a favour but doesn't realise the impact it is having.

[LoneWolfie]

My pdoc is chronically late by 10 minutes and at times it can be 20 minutes, she almost always gives me more than an hour. At times it has been an extra 20 or 25 minutes, I am not complaining it means we are getting somewhere and she doesn't want to stop.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Dreamy01

It's fine if it works for you, the client - but it can also be a mindfield like you describe. It brings up worries about being 'special' or 'owing T' or even guilt because of the other clients or having too much. Most of all it gives the impression of shaky, loose boundaries - and bearing in mind most people in therapy have had little or no healthy boundaries, how can T's example be helpful?

Yes, it can trigger all sorts of emotions.
But it is also an opportunity to talk about those emotions.