if a t says

they are at a loss as to how to help you.
is that a bad sign.

Doesn't have to be looked at as a bad sign, but just an opening for new opportunity..

I felt sad when I was told that, but later I realised my therapist was just being honest. I wasn't making much progress and she was obviously feeling like she didn't know what to try next and so she told me. She wasn't giving up on me and she didn't stop trying to help me, she just didn't know how to move forwards from where we were at the time. She's help me enormously since then, so it really doesn't have to be a bad thing, if they're willing to keep trying.

it probably means you are about to be referred out.

It is not good or bad, just means you have to engage them more, let them know what you'd like from them or talk together and suggest ways they might be able to help that they have not tried.

Relax. Don't resist. Everyone here just wants to help you.

I don't think it is, no. I think it is an opening for a discussion about what you think she might do that would be helpful. Not that we have the answer, or should have the answer, but just a way of giving us an opportunity to offer any idea(s) we might have. It's also an opportunity to say what we wish therapy could be like, even if we can't yet do that. I have said many times that I wish I could say more, and I wish I could speak more freely. It isn't something we jump on and do right then, but we do talk about it, and it and what the obstacles might be. It gives my T information about what I want so we both know, instead of me just silently wishing.

One thing I have worked on is being able to express fears that arose when she said certain things. I was always looking for hidden meanings, hidden agendas, a sign that things weren't going well or that she was going to become mean because she was upset with me. It never happened, it was just my fears making me think these things. It takes time and talking about the situations to see the fear. Relief from the fears comes by understanding them and being able to recognize when fear is running the show.

It may be a bad sign, it may not be. My current therapist - who makes a lot of sense mostly - told me that when a therapist has no idea what to do, sometimes the best thing to do is to tell the patient that.

It helps to spur mutual problem solving. Your therapist may be trying to elicit a response from you about what you need from them.

I would try and think of ways your therapist can help you, tell them, and move forward from there.

It will also help you to clarify what you want from therapy.

It's worth a shot, especially if you want to continue on with this therapist. I think they are bound by ethics to refer people out that they can't treat.

Bottom line, this may be an opportunity for your therapist to really really help you if you talk about it.

I'm in a similar situation just now... I'm hoping that by opening up discussion, and by being as honest with my therapist as I can, and her being honest with me, that we can work through this together, find solutions... It might be an opportunity for some out-of-the-box thinking and ideas. Hopefully there is a way to move forward and continue. Personally, I'm looking to exhaust every avenue possible with my current T, I hate the idea of having to move on and maybe find someone with a different approach - but I guess that option is there too.

I've had about 5 or 6 Ts tell me this. It's no big deal really. It just means you aren't a good fit together and its time to find someone new.

(((suzzie))),

I agree with all the posters that felt it was an opportunity for you to now tell this therapist what you feel would be helpful to you. You had mentioned that you had other T's that you did like and I think it would be good for you to make a list of what these therapists did with you that helped you feel more relaxed and open up.

You say alot with your poetry in my opinion, she should concentrate on that with you for a start.

Open Eyes

For me, it was a very good sign when my first therapist said something similar to me, because she totally sucked (sorry ), and I needed an exit and she provided it. I saw her for 8 years and was getting worse. The last year with her culminated with me in the hospital. Turns out, she didn't know how to handle what I was telling her.

A year later, I found my current therapist, who is so freakin' amazing. In two years, she has given me the tools to transform my life that my first therapist didn't have the skills to do. She has been able to handle the heinous sexual abuse I experienced my whole childhood via my mom and the hundreds of men she passed me through, and has brought me to the path of healing.

If you're attached to your therapist I would imagine it would be painful to hear that, but if you're not feeling connected or feel like you're not being helped, like I was, then it can be a great opportunity to find someone who can help you. It doesn't mean anything negative about you, just that your therapist doesn't have the capability or tools regarding your situation to help you.

I feel attached, yeah its painful. but is it not true, that one is only attached to a therapist if they are good, and the relationship is good? That's why I want to see him again in a few weeks. But waiting is making me anxious. .

Well, it's definitely a sign.

For me, it was one of the first indicators of the end of my therapy with one therapist.