So I went in to therapy today with a mission- to tell T how I really felt. So we sat down and made small talk for ten mins as always. So T sat across from me with her drink and sat there looking at me. I wanted to run but she locks the door and keeps the keys in her pocket. I really hate people looking at me, so I put my head down and fiddled with my fingers and avoided eye contact.
T asked how I was doing and I said not too good. She asked why and I said because I am feeling like crap lately. I told her about how everything reminds me of my ex lately and I am getting triggered by everything. T asked what I am thinking when I see these girls that my ex cheated on me with- I have seen this one girl that moved into my house straight after I left three times in the last two weeks and she looks straight at me and says hello...
I want to kill her(i won't but I feel like it) T says I am giving myself alot of anxiety by worrying about bumping into these people all the time. She said I need to start to look after myself. I told her I need to move away far away from home to get away from all the stress but she didn't think it was a good idea.
So again I am in limbo not knowing what to do and stuck in the same old crap place I always am....I hate therapy and everything right now.

button30. I have seen from your threads that you are having a really rough time lately and I'm sorry. Sometimes I hate therapy too. I think it's great that you told T how you feel though. That is a great place to start allowing her to help you more.

Is there anything you can do to comfort yourself today?

[healed84]

I know that it is hard.. However, you should at least be proud of youself for being able to really open up to your T!

[Miswimmy1]

opening up is the first step to healing... you should be encouraged that you were able to do this. hold on to that thought. things *will* get better thinking of you!

Originally Posted by Psychicbaby323

button30. I have seen from your threads that you are having a really rough time lately and I'm sorry. Sometimes I hate therapy too. I think it's great that you told T how you feel though. That is a great place to start allowing her to help you more.

Is there anything you can do to comfort yourself today?

Thanks pyschicbaby,
I know you are having a hrad time of it lately too. Is there any advice you can give me to help myself? x

[stopdog]

I am sorry it is a hard time for you. I would freak at being locked in a room. I don't know what else to say. The locked room would make nothing else possible.

Originally Posted by healed84

I know that it is hard.. However, you should at least be proud of youself for being able to really open up to your T!

Thank you healed, It took a lot for me to do this as I can never tell people how I feel. I am always the strong one, the one everyone else goes to for help so when I am down I go through it all alone. T said I always give too much and don't look after ,myself and she said I need to accept things are over with my ex and thaT SHE WILL NEVER APOLOGISE or change.

Originally Posted by Miswimmy1

opening up is the first step to healing... you should be encouraged that you were able to do this. hold on to that thought. things *will* get better thinking of you!

Thanks Miswhimmy (((HUGS))))

Originally Posted by button30

Thanks pyschicbaby,
I know you are having a hrad time of it lately too. Is there any advice you can give me to help myself? x

Try not to be too hard on yourself is a big one for me. Next keep going and try to be as open as you can be. It's really difficult at times but I can't say that anything bad has happened from me being open with T.

Whenever I push past my fears or sometimes not even that, sometimes it is just showing up IN my fear and then letting him meet me there...something good and transformative occurs.

I can really relate to being the one that people come to for help. It is not easy to break from that and I still haven't but try to remember that you deserve help too. Taking time to give yourself little comforts helps too. Can you cook? I cook a special me dinner on Friday nights now...just for me after the kids are asleep.

Hang in there I know it's tough but it will get better in time

Originally Posted by stopdog

I am sorry it is a hard time for you. I would freak at being locked in a room. I don't know what else to say. The locked room would make nothing else possible.

I have to say it freaked me out too but she explained why she has to do it incase anyone walks in. It really bothers me the way T looks at me

Originally Posted by stopdog

I am sorry it is a hard time for you. I would freak at being locked in a room. I don't know what else to say. The locked room would make nothing else possible.

This would freak me out a little too, not the locked door so much, more so the bit about holding the key...raises my hackles.

Originally Posted by Psychicbaby323

Try not to be too hard on yourself is a big one for me. Next keep going and try to be as open as you can be. It's really difficult at times but I can't say that anything bad has happened from me being open with T.

Whenever I push past my fears or sometimes not even that, sometimes it is just showing up IN my fear and then letting him meet me there...something good and transformative occurs.

I can really relate to being the one that people come to for help. It is not easy to break from that and I still haven't but try to remember that you deserve help too. Taking time to give yourself little comforts helps too. Can you cook? I cook a special me dinner on Friday nights now...just for me after the kids are asleep.

Hang in there I know it's tough but it will get better in time

Cooking is supposed to be very therapeutic, I will certainly give it a try. I am not very adventurous with it though but I can always learn.
I am always too hard on myself and expect so much, t says I am heading for a burnout if I dont start to look after myself.

[autotelica]

I don't understand, button. Why would someone come into an office with a closed door?

The locking-the-door thing would make me feel really weird.

Originally Posted by autotelica

I don't understand, button. Why would someone come into an office with a closed door?

The locking-the-door thing would make me feel really weird.

We have had a little kid bust in our session one time so things like that can happen. I understand why a T would do it, I just would not like the "holding of the key".

[murray]

Sorry that I can't get past the locked door issue either. Could she perhaps leave the keys in the door? That would help me feel less trapped.

Originally Posted by murray

Sorry that I can't get past the locked door issue either. Could she perhaps leave the keys in the door? That would help me feel less trapped.

She does it because people have sometimes walked in during a session!

[SallyBrown]

Originally Posted by autotelica

I don't understand, button. Why would someone come into an office with a closed door?

I asked myself the same question the 5 or so times someone (and 5 different someones, at that) just walked right into my T's office!

Button, any way you can ask her to keep the keys out... on a hook by the door, on a table, something you can theoretically access so it's not like you're being imprisoned?

[stopdog]

Someone walked into my appointment just this week. For the first time ever. It was annoying, but the locked door from the inside would not be my solution. I am glad the op can deal with the therapist even though the door is locked.

button you don't need to move away that would not solve anything, you would just be running and it NEVER solves anything. If my ex cheated on me and her new GF had the nerve to say hi to me, I believe i'd give her a verbal lashing, it wouldn't solve anything but she would know how I felt about her and I promise she would never say HI again.
You did nothing wrong here, your x did and unfortunately we cant make people say, do or feel anything...we all have free will. Stop concentrating on her and what happened and start concentrating on you and where you are going. There is someone else out there for you and I would hate for you to miss out on that. I know it hurts, believe me I know. But in the end the only person we have control over is ourselves, so all you can do is accept this and take solace in the fact that she missed out on a great thing, which is YOU! Give some other lucky person a chance and learn from this relationship what you DONT want.

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

button you don't need to move away that would not solve anything, you would just be running and it NEVER solves anything. If my ex cheated on me and her new GF had the nerve to say hi to me, I believe i'd give her a verbal lashing, it wouldn't solve anything but she would know how I felt about her and I promise she would never say HI again.
You did nothing wrong here, your x did and unfortunately we cant make people say, do or feel anything...we all have free will. Stop concentrating on her and what happened and start concentrating on you and where you are going. There is someone else out there for you and I would hate for you to miss out on that. I know it hurts, believe me I know. But in the end the only person we have control over is ourselves, so all you can do is accept this and take solace in the fact that she missed out on a great thing, which is YOU! Give some other lucky person a chance and learn from this relationship what you DONT want.

Awh Lola, you have me in tears here, thank you so much! I wanted to give her a verbal bashing but the words wouldn't come out! I want to find someone else but it's hard in a small town so I want to move because of that too!