Because she said I had a hard day and I deserved something nice.

Do you think that's weird? I asked her why, since most people have foot phobias, and she said because touching my foot is less threatening than touching my head or my shoulder. So I let her. And it was nice.

And later she held my hand, while I cried, and at the end of our session she gave me a hug.

Why do I feel closer to her on days that she touches me, but like there is a chasm between us on days that she doesn't?

[CantExplain]

That's nice!

Awh that's is so nice of her! she is the best t! If my t went near my feet though it would be adious amigo

T.C.

I'm glad that you did not feel uncomfortable with the fact that you therapist gave you a massage, of any kind, but I think that is freak, freak, freaky-deeky!

I would not only be intensely troubled and agitated by the offer, I would feel molested if my psychiatrist even attempted to enter my "space."

Looking at life through the opposite lens,

-Fleeing Bellocq

You've asked this question before.

[mixedup_emotions]

That's a good question to bring up to your T. It could lead to a very valuable discussion.

[autotelica]

That's great, TC. It doesn't sound weird to me, but of course, I just had a weird session myself. The two of us are in weird therapy!

Originally Posted by earthmamma

You've asked this question before.

nope I didn't. the first time she just touched my foot.

this time she actually massaged my foot. different.

to me, anyway.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by TentativeConnection

Why do I feel closer to her on days that she touches me, but like there is a chasm between us on days that she doesn't?

Maybe the touching reaches your inner child and this is a good place to start with healing? (Children need touch).

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

That's a good question to bring up to your T. It could lead to a very valuable discussion.

...or a very awkward discussion.

It sounds wrong. "T, I really like it when you touch me."

That cant go over well. :-X I'll keep that one locked up for now, lol.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by TentativeConnection

"T, I really like it when you touch me."

*snort*

I think that safe touch can be very healing, especially from sexual trauma. I love having my feet massaged personally, and my H is really good at it.

It's normal for massage to feel good (that's why people actually pay money for it), so I don't think you or it is weird. Some people hate having their feet touched, so that wouldn't be weird if that were you.

So I think that a conversation about it with your T wouldn't necessarily be all awkward-weird, as your feelings are normal.

Originally Posted by TentativeConnection

"T, I really like it when you touch me."

add "can you help to figure out why that is?" , not awkward, more informative.

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

add "can you help to figure out why that is?" , not awkward, more informative.

Because it's comforting. Because it's safe. Because it feels good.

But I feel like if I bring it up then she might rethink it and stop doing it. I think she is very cautious with me regarding touch (which is why she is sticking to the danger free foot zone) because of the way I reacted last time when she sat next to me and put her hands on my head. I was stiff and was mostly holding my breath. And a few weeks later when I was mad at her I sent a mean e-mail saying I wished I had never let her touch me because I don't let anyone touch me and she was a liar. She didn't touch me for weeks after that.

Originally Posted by TentativeConnection

Because it's comforting. Because it's safe. Because it feels good.

But I feel like if I bring it up then she might rethink it and stop doing it. I think she is very cautious with me regarding touch (which is why she is sticking to the danger free foot zone) because of the way I reacted last time when she sat next to me and put her hands on my head. I was stiff and was mostly holding my breath. And a few weeks later when I was mad at her I sent a mean e-mail saying I wished I had never let her touch me because I don't let anyone touch me and she was a liar. She didn't touch me for weeks after that.

You have mixed feelings on this and its worth a discussion, it seems she is trying to teach you safe touch and part of you wants that. I am having a conversation like this today with T. Therapy IS where to talk about this stuff.

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

You have mixed feelings on this and its worth a discussion, it seems she is trying to teach you safe touch and part of you wants that. I am having a conversation like this today with T. Therapy IS where to talk about this stuff.

hmm. let me know how your conversation goes?

I have asked her questions about it via e-mail and she NEVER addresses them in her responses. Ever. She will answer everything except the parts about touch.

Originally Posted by TentativeConnection

hmm. let me know how your conversation goes?

I have asked her questions about it via e-mail and she NEVER addresses them in her responses. Ever. She will answer everything except the parts about touch.

Some T's wont get into "touchy" , subjects via email. They need to see you body language and such when discussing these things. I hope you find the courage to ask...Ill let you know how it goes.

[TheWell]

I actually told my T that I liked it when he touched my arm but that I was afraid that saying that would make him stop. He patted my arm and said, "I think we are okay."

I feel like I'm focused on it though like if he doesn't it means he won't any more even if he did it the week before. >>Sigh<<

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by TentativeConnection

But I feel like if I bring it up then she might rethink it and stop doing it.

I don't think T's are in the business of "I know what you want and you can't have it", but if I played armchair psychologist I would ask, so who in your life has wanted to take things away from you once they knew you wanted them?

I think your T probably already knows it feels good to you because you didn't go all stiff or kick her in the face or what not. Unless you acted like Meg Ryan eating something indescribably delicious in "When Harry Met Sally" (sorry, you are probably way too young to know about that movie), I think you are okay.

I think it would be a good experience for you to tell your T that she did something that felt good and helped you feel connected. It would be good for you to know that not everyone will try to take the good things away from you if you say you want them.

It's kind of a silly reference, but when I was pregnant there were various peoples that wanted to give me a baby shower. I explained that Jews don't do baby showers, honoring the tradition of the old country "evil eye" that makes women afraid that if they fill their houses with baby items, that the evil eye spirit will make them miscarry because they will know they are expecting. (apparently the evil eye does not see well enough to notice the expanding belly & behind of pregnancy, but never mind about logic, 'kay?).

My friends, including my jewish friends, thought I was nuts, partly because I am not religious at all. Looking back, I wish I had not let one second of my joy of expecting the only baby I will ever have be spoiled by fear. So I say let yourself experience the good feelings, share them with your T, and try to let go of making choices based at least in part on fear.

Originally Posted by TentativeConnection

Because it's comforting. Because it's safe. Because it feels good.

But I feel like if I bring it up then she might rethink it and stop doing it. I think she is very cautious with me regarding touch (which is why she is sticking to the danger free foot zone) because of the way I reacted last time when she sat next to me and put her hands on my head. I was stiff and was mostly holding my breath. And a few weeks later when I was mad at her I sent a mean e-mail saying I wished I had never let her touch me because I don't let anyone touch me and she was a liar. She didn't touch me for weeks after that.

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

I don't think T's are in the business of "I know what you want and you can't have it", but if I played armchair psychologist I would ask, so who in your life has wanted to take things away from you once they knew you wanted them?

I think your T probably already knows it feels good to you because you didn't go all stiff or kick her in the face or what not. Unless you acted like Meg Ryan eating something indescribably delicious in "When Harry Met Sally" (sorry, you are probably way too young to know about that movie), I think you are okay.

I think it would be a good experience for you to tell your T that she did something that felt good and helped you feel connected. It would be good for you to know that not everyone will try to take the good things away from you if you say you want them.

It's kind of a silly reference, but when I was pregnant there were various peoples that wanted to give me a baby shower. I explained that Jews don't do baby showers, honoring the tradition of the old country "evil eye" that makes women afraid that if they fill their houses with baby items, that the evil eye spirit will make them miscarry because they will know they are expecting. (apparently the evil eye does not see well enough to notice the expanding belly & behind of pregnancy, but never mind about logic, 'kay?).

My friends, including my jewish friends, thought I was nuts, partly because I am not religious at all. Looking back, I wish I had not let one second of my joy of expecting the only baby I will ever have be spoiled by fear. So I say let yourself experience the good feelings, share them with your T, and try to let go of making choices based at least in part on fear.

Lol actually she said one of the reasons she chose foot massage was because if I got uncomfortable I could just kick her away.

I asked her once why she had touched me (on the head) and she looked puzzled and said "because it feels good. Right?"

I just shrugged in response. Last night after session my mom and sister tried to hug me. I usually respond rather negatively and ask them to get away from me. But last night I stifled the urge and accepted the hugs... But noticed how horribly uncomfortable they made me. I'm not sure why..

I think it sounds wonderful and very comforting. I am glad she did that for you.

My T and I painted each others toenails yesterday... is that weird? LOL

Sounds like your T is really wonderful.

[Roukan]

Hey,

Can I get your therapist's number J/K. I know what you mean about the power of touch. I'm a big believer in Universal life energy. I believe everybody has an energy force around them. It can be positive, negative, loving, anger, or caring energy and so on. We can't see this energy but we can sense what kind of energy people are putting off. Reiki is a type of touch therapy that uses this life energy.

[adel34]

Hi TC,
I'm so glad you guys had a good connecting session. My VMT t would do touch a lot holding me and stuff and it was very good! I would also encourage you to talk with her about it.