The word "professional" triggers me

Thank you , mcl. I wouldn't like it either if my T used the word very often. She doesn't. Again, I probably didn't explain myself too well. I know you can be both professional and caring. It's my T using the word with me that was triggering, as you experienced too.

I didn't have personal relationships with any of my college professors either. I think workers in the helping professions or teachers of younger kids develop a closer relationship than in higher education, but there are always exceptions. It also depends on the personalities of the individual.

That's nice to hear, Little Me.

I'm still not sure exactly what's hurting. I'm trying to think what exactly to tell my T on Tuesday. I want to make it right between us again. I'm now afraid of feeling that way again after my session. I don't want to but I'm not sure how to prevent it in a healthy way. If my T holds my hand for a minute, that would help. But everyone including my T will probably not think that's a good idea.

Thank you, taylor.

Thanks, Adel. I have always felt an emotional connection to my T, and felt that it WAS a real relationshp (in fact, she's the one who told me it was!) but something snapped on Tuesday. I hope all my crying has helped me to accept the reality. The DBT T said that she would have helped me with skills at the time and was sorry she couldn't call me back right away. She told me to radically accept my feelings about my T. My T said she STILL hasn't talked with DBT T. I don't know if she's tried hard enough because it's been about a month since I signed the releases. That bothers me. How long can you play phone tag? DBT T seems willing to have me talk about my therapy though I'm embarrassed. I wrote about it for my homework for next week, since we're doing distress tolerance now.

Thanks, Sconnie. I don't like that phrase "in my professional opinion" either. What other opinion would they be givijng us?

Interesting comment.

Thanks, Little Me.

I think this thread has put words to a lot of things with which I've been struggling. I always used to refer to it as a business. T would only begrudgingly acknowledge she ran a business...offered a service, but she doesn't seem to have trouble calling herself a professional. It's one and the same to me.

If caring is inherent in being a professional, then I feel like that isn't the kind of caring I want. That the caring T offers has nothing to do with who I am as a person. I didn't earn any caring. That is just who they are/how they do their job. That doesn't make any sense to me.

So is the only difference between T and my dentist or professor the amount of time I spend with her? Is that how I should look at it going forward? Because, so far, it's been in its own strange category that I have not quite been able to figure out.

Rainbow, I feel/understand your pain, I think.

Thanks, fixated. Sorry I didn't reply sooner because I DO feel that you understand me. However, there have been other threads about T's job and caring, and the consensus is that Ts DO care about us even though we are their "job". In fact, I've asked my T if I'm "just her job" and she said "No". Of course any T is not going to answer yes to that, but I believe my T. I don't think it's the amount of time Ts spend with us that make it different from our dentist or professor. It's the intimacy of therapy. There's no way around it. Therapy IS unique. It IS in its own strange category. I wish it didn't cause a lot of us so much pain, but I think therapy is meant to bring out emotional pain. Our dentists and drs. see our physical pain, and they care about it. Our Ts see our emotional pain and they care about it. Thanks for your post, because you helped me to try to figure it out again.

Realize that T's also think about us and our issues outside of session. It's not a switch that that can be turned off and on. I care about and think about my clients outside of my work day. My T has admitted to giving a few things that I've said a considerable amount of thought outside of session. She prays for each of her clients daily by issue. I asked her to pray about my client and she said she would. I believe her.

Now if thoughts of us outside of session became obsessive, it would be unhealthy for the T and the client. I have a coworker that obsesses on our clients outside of session and I would consider her mentally unhealthy. She spends quite a bit of time drained. A T or any other helping professional or direct care worker (i.e. CNA's, LPN's, RN's, etc.) must take care of him/herself first to be able to take care of anyone else.

Do you ever think it's pathetic that maybe your clients think/care about you more than you think/care about them? Or that they might wish you could be something more to them than what you are? This is an honest question.

You pay a therapist for being a professional, not for caring. You have problem... which T can give insight in and yadda yadda. That's why one choses a therapist over a friend. A therapist who is acting like a paid friend... is indeed a bad one.

Just like friend my "care" much more when you broke your leg, go shop for you and bring you chocolates and books... but would you expect friend to fix your leg? JUst like you don't expect doctor do to much more for you then fix your leg well. Their caring ends with fixing your leg properly.

Fixated, I do understand your point of view. Realize that I am not a therapist. I work with individuals who are IDD/MI. There are parallels between my job and the job of a therapist, but it is similar, not the same. The ethical issues parallel but are a bit different; however, that is not to say that they wouldn't want more from me than I can give them.

I've also seen most of my clients on an almost daily basis for 13 years. If I wanted to take one of my clients to my house for a weekend, all I would need to do is get permission from his/her guardian and I can do so. It would not be considered unethical. I am in the business of habilitation; teaching adults life skills so they can live as independently as possible in the least restrictive setting.

Have I seen any of my clients want more of one of my staff than they can provide? Yes. Have I ever heard any one of them describe someone as "pathetic" for doing so? No. In fact, most of the time, the staff member usually feels positive about this because that means they are doing something right.

Most people who work in the human services field (including therapists) don't do it for the money. I believe my therapist makes about the same amount of money as I do without the benefits of leave time, company-paid insurance, etc., that I receive.

I believe that my first two T's only cared about me in the context of the job; however, I did not attach to either one. They taught me many skills that I still use today. I believe my current T is different, because she has stated so. She feels being a therapist is her "life calling" and she has gone above and beyond what she has needed to do within the context of my "case" as a client. I believe that she would do this for any of her clients. My T is the one who said she loves each one of her clients and that extends outside of the therapy room. You cannot turn love on and off. People here have stated outright when I actively wanted more from my T that she was treading a fine line. She hasn't changed much since that time, but I have. Would I love to have contact with her after my therapy is over? Sure, but if that didn't happen, I will not be devastated, I would appreciate all she's done for me as my T.

Does this answer your question at all?

Please ignore me everyone..Just can´t help it Chopin99...Is this coworker getting any help? When obsession out side of sessions/work arises and fatigue during the day, theres a person who really needs help. Sorry I have seen this so many times and at the end when I was promoted head off staff, experienced it myself. Sorry ..Just couldn´t overlook that one. Nothing to do with you obviously, but maybe theres a chance she can get help before it turns into a disaster wich it usually does? Sorry don´t even reply and the topic is not related. I just could not overlook that one.

The only real expert on you is you. A good therapist is good listener. They are not all the same nor equally competent. I believe the most therapeutic relationship is between equals.

She has her own therapist and has seen her for 5+ years. Our boss has tried to talk to her, when I was her supervisor I talked to her, I've talked to her as a coworker, other coworkers have talked to her, and nothing ever comes of it. I appreciate your concern though because I've been in burnout before myself and know the incredible toll it can take on someone.

my two cents

a) The issues that a psychotherapist deals with are so intimate and so delicate, and often so profoundly protected / defended by the person for simple identity survival, that any approach to them at all is considered a threat. It takes establishment of a deep trust to get anywhere near them - and in our culture (maybe all cultures for all I know) that type of trust level, that type of closeness, is usually found in parental love, or at least very very close friendship. Still the T is not a parent, not a friend. And yes professional; I'd be a fool to hand over the keys of my psyche to some uneducated / inexperienced person, or even to a relative or friend who, however well meaning, will always have an agenda. I want someone trained, someone disinterested (that is, who has nothing to gain from the power I'm going to give them).

b) a person who expects a therapist to 'fix' them is going to have a long wait. that's not what they do.

Thanks. Just hate to watch people reach that point. When they do, usually nothing comes out of it without the help of someone outside the work setting. Anyways thanks for sharing your experience and I am sure you and your coworkers have tried your best. It´s a difficult topic.

In this vicinity they are no longer using the word therapist because so many people are calling it "the rape ist" The new term is "clinician" which sounds like a dentists office. Same horse new saddle.

I don't think I'm an expert on me at all. I'm hoping the T can see me better than I see myself,. Isn't that the point?

I heard that term back in the 80s. Surprised people still use it.

internet jokes never die, like those things that you used to see that had been 'xeroxed' 1000 times so they were almost illegible.

IDK, if the T shows him/herself to be professional, I prefer it.