The Couch! #21

Hi fellow couchsters.

At work today and I think I could sleep standing up. Another bad night of sleep. So much to do and no energy or motivation to do any of it.
I really hope that they are just over hyping this storm because I am not up for a huge disaster. Just in case I supposed I better pick up the basics, collect lots of water, batteries, etc and try to clean off deck and everything else. Just don't know when. It is dark by the time I get home from work and my next day off is Tuesday which will be a bit late to be worrying about it. Ehh, what ever will be will be, right?

Its so frustrating because when he shocked the well with chlorine he didn't by pass the water softener (which i found out on ehow is a basic step in process) so now he ruined the resin in the water softener and we now need to get someone to come down on Monday (if we don't get hit with the hurricane). so we have no water till monday cause our iron level is so high its not safe to eat or drink... so I can't do laundry or anything... it turns everything rusty.

All they had to do was check the anode in the hot water heater and none of this would have happened. I stopped payment on my $386.00 check to pay for the service yesterday. I don't intend to pay for today. I'll take the bills and deduct the cost of the water softener repairs and then decide what I'm paying and they can take me to court.

I am seriously considering leaving PC for a while.

This used to be a safe haven for me, but over the past several months, my feelings have been tainted by the idea that there are a lot more unhealthy borderlines posting here. As you may know, I am triggered by borderlines and my work has been to eliminate those types of unhealthy relationships in my life.

I noticed that I am not sharing much of my therapy struggles here anymore, which seems to be an important discovery for me - as it tells me that my body was aware of the lack of safety here for me before my brain caught on.

I'd imagine that it could be possible to co-exist by setting firm limits...but I doubt that would help me feel safe here again. *sigh*

I'm sorry MUE..... sometimes a break is needed. I would hate to see you go, but you must take care of yourself. (((((MUE))))))

MUE, part of being on PC is learning what threads you can read and which ones you need to ignore.

Hey coucharoonies -hope you are all well. I am traveling for work. And it is pouring down rain.

Its raining here too... are you in my neck of the woods?

I know what you mean. I used to reply to everything it seemed, now I just can't. For one thing, everybody thinks I am ALWAYS trying to be funny, which is not true. But the other thing is, and more importantly, is the feeling that you ARE walking on eggshells. And that if you say anything about your own therapy - well, there is no room for it anymore. No room for the subtleties? But I shouldn't complain if I don't start threads.

No. I am in the east.

All you in the perfect storm path, be careful....

Im sorry Hankster, its hard for people to "really get to know" someone via just the written word. Its just the nature of the beast I guess.

Thanks for the feedback and support.

Ready - It is certainly something important for me to be able to do - and obviously something I am struggling with at the moment. I am all for trying to see the value in something, even if it's unpleasant or difficult to do.

I guess I'm grieving because what was once a wonderful place for me has evolved into something different.

I feel like I'm in a familiar place - where there's good aspects and bad (for lack of better terms, I don't truly think they're "good vs bad")....and need to determine how to either work around or live with the bad, or give up the good....sounds like all of my unhealthy relationships that I ultimately had to walk away from.

I can usually recognize when you're being serious. I just notice that people seem not to respond to general posts about how therapy is going. I think I'm making leaps and bounds in my progress, but for instance, my latest post has received 3 replies. Not that I am specifically looking for replies, but I used to enjoy people commenting on the nuances and angles that I did not always catch related to my sessions. That really helped me learn and enhanced my therapy experience. To speak bluntly, the people who "act out" seem to garner the most attention. I don't worry about walking on eggshells because I figure if someone doesn't like what I have to say, they can ignore it. I never mean anything to be a personal attack on anyone. It is what it is.

Sometimes I don't really know what to comment about on threads. Some I just figure I don't understand their position and that I cannot add an opinion that is useful or anything constructive, and some I just don't like, so I avoid those too. I figure it is best for me to avoid those I just feel like criticizing. I can accidentally get people worked up even when I am trying to just give my own personal perspective on my experience.

I feel this way too.... and I think Chopin is correct as there are some who are more needy then others and they tend to start lots of threads and garner a lot of attention. I still love my PC friends and some days Ill jump of the couch and there are other days I just cant. There are even days where I just lurk and watch the train wreck unfold.... But I also agree with Readystop that this is a place where we can control what we do and don't participate in. Life is not always roses and shiny happy people and I have to learn that lesson, so even though I have thought of leaving here because I hurt someone with my words and actions...at the end of the day I need to learn how to deal with that, here and IRL.

T in an hour.... and I got nothing, I hate this part.

I recently had a revelation... in a therapy session actually. That I have this intense need to be right. I've been trying to learn how to let go of that and to see not everything is logical and black and white... and to learn that not everyone is in the same place in life learning... I don't know how well I'm doing at it.. but replying to threads on PC has been a great place to practice.

all that helps, thanks, guys.
ETA: (seriously!)

For what its worth, I think your funny in your presentation sometimes, but I think I get you.... maybe cause we are both snarky yankees? LOL

Please don't leave. I really get a lot from your posts. You're a must read for me. I am also triggered by bpd behavior.

yeah, i've heard it said, a comic says funny things, but a comedian says things funny. sometimes I go back and read stuff and say, oh, that WAS funny! but it wasn't at all how I intended it. I did like your recent cat story, btw.

I am sorry that some of my favorite people here are struggling with this. It is so hard. For me I realize that certain posts and threads actually cause a fear response in me, which is so silly when it is just reading words on a screen. But conflict terrifies me and I completely freeze. As a result I read a lot of threads but there is no way that I am able to respond to them. I am also afraid to say the wrong thing and end up upsetting someone so I hesitate to say much in general. Something I suppose I should work on, being able to tolerate conflict and the potential of being wrong or upsetting someone.
Not sure why I am rambling here, sorry. Just wish that everyone felt safe posting here and that people weren't thinking of leaving.

Well I'm not going anywhere - as you guys are my only friends, I'm not a quitter (especially anything cold turkey ) and I need people in my life who understand therapy, anxiety and depression.

Can we have a group hug now?

...Ill start the song....

Kumbaya my Lord, kumbaya......

I need you guys/gals too. I have my IRL friends, but few who understand the world of therapy. So I'm staying put also.

Had to rub it in didn't ya???

ok I'm off to pay a stranger to listen to me talk about how crazy I think I am... Ill look at his nails, that should be worth the co-pay...