Wow, I lost it today.

I saw T yesterday and something came up out of nowhere that was really difficult for me to process, and completely unexpected. I left in tears. I went to a 12 step meeting to see if that would help, but it didn't.

My dog has cancer again and we're in this "do we do chemo or not" place and because of the type of cancer he has we don't have any time to decide so I drove an hour to get the first treatment today while we try to figure out what to do.

I'm still reeling from...I don't know, this whole YEAR, I think.

And my insurance runs out in a few weeks and I'll be back down to once a week therapy, which I know is going to be so so so bad. That's just not where I'm at.

So. I completely lost it today and threw my new cell phone across the room and broke it that's not even ME. WTH? It costs $179 to have it repaired and we are so so so so so so far behind on Oldest Sons medical bills for this year that it's ridiculous, and Christmas is coming up. I. am. so. stupid.

I don't know what I need. I need T but I can't have that. So. Blah.

[WikidPissah]

(((nightsky))) i wish I could hold your hand. Hang in there, it will get better.

[~EnlightenMe~]

Originally Posted by nightsky

Wow, I lost it today.

I saw T yesterday and something came up out of nowhere that was really difficult for me to process, and completely unexpected. I left in tears. I went to a 12 step meeting to see if that would help, but it didn't.

My dog has cancer again and we're in this "do we do chemo or not" place and because of the type of cancer he has we don't have any time to decide so I drove an hour to get the first treatment today while we try to figure out what to do.

I'm still reeling from...I don't know, this whole YEAR, I think.

And my insurance runs out in a few weeks and I'll be back down to once a week therapy, which I know is going to be so so so bad. That's just not where I'm at.

So. I completely lost it today and threw my new cell phone across the room and broke it that's not even ME. WTH? It costs $179 to have it repaired and we are so so so so so so far behind on Oldest Sons medical bills for this year that it's ridiculous, and Christmas is coming up. I. am. so. stupid.

I don't know what I need. I need T but I can't have that. So. Blah.

((((Nightsky)))), I am so, so sorry that you have to deal with all of this. Loss in any form can be so triggering and upsetting. You are NOT stupid, you are kind, empathic, courageous, I could go on and on. Know that you are in my thoughts.

Nightsky, sounds like your feeling a little overwhelmed with all that is going on. Be gentle on yourself...

[ECHOES]

It sounds like you have many reasons to be feeling angry right now.

[SallyBrown]

I'm so sorry Nightsky. You sound so overwhelmed, and it can't help to have what used to be a major support -- T -- be on such shaky ground.

Make sure to make time for yourself during the day. Don't let yourself drown in everything that is going on for you.

As for the phone, I had an unexpected broken phone a few years ago (got hit by someone on a bicycle, while I was in a crosswalk, jacka ss -- anyway the phone was in my back pocket and I was thrown backwards), and almost instantly, as soon as I told my girlfriends about it, I got offers of old phones from them. I actually got my pick of phone models! I didn't (and don't) have a smartphone, so that made it easier since there was no data plan to worry about. But you'll find a way through it... just don't forget to let your friends help you.

[googley]

(((((((((((nightsky))))))))))))))
I am so sorry you are under so much stress right how. that really really sucks. I wish I could do more, but sending lots of hugs and caring thoughts your way.

sending safe safe hugs..

[roads]

Many smartphone plan will allow you to buy repaired/used older versions of phones for less than repair cost but keep your plan so there're no penalties. Less phone but an exchange on the guilt. Might check on it? * gentle hugs galore , so sorry nightsky *
Roadie

[elliemay]

We all lose it every now and then. It's okay. It's really really okay.

I'm very sorry to hear about your dog. That kind of news is never easy to hear. Ever.

I just want to echo what everyone else has said, we do get to be gentle with ourselves when things are hard.

We get to be our own best friend and therapist.

It'll be alright. One foot in front of the other. Steady as she goes.

Peace.