body language

The difference is that I am owning my uncomfortableness, know that it's based on my own history, and I'm not putting an interpretation on the situation that is about the other person. I don't say "men who sit in this open position are indicating that they are sexual aggressors who are about to attack me". I'm not labeling the other people as the issue, I'm quite clear that it is that I am uncomfortable and I just deal when men sit like this around me. I don't ask them to change their behavior and I don't point out that they make me uncomfortable. This is a reaction that is centered and dealt with solely within myself.

You insult women who sit the way you find uncomfortable, as "ignorant", and you ask them to change. You label the "deviant" women as the problem and fail to acknowledge that your interpretation of their sitting and interest or lack thereof may be completely incorrect.

I have never really paid attention to how men sit in general. I am not certain what the crotch pointing at another person actually looks like. I usually look men in the face. Women I will look at altogether and then focus on their face usually. I rarely look at the therapist at all and don't really know how she sits.

Yeah that's damn right. Look if you want to sit that way whilst serving me at a checkout that's one thing. When I'm pouring my heart and soul out then at least take an interest.

But why do you associate her posture when sitting with her level of interest in your therapy? Can you read her mind?

What I think is at issue here is not the level of interest or disinterest, but rather your perception of it.

I think this is what Anne is referring to as owning your discomfort.

People sit the way they sit, and may do so for any number of reasons. Interest may not even be one of them.

So, while all of us absolutely have a right to a therapist who is interested and engaged with us, I do have to wonder if analyzing the way someone sits is the best way to gauge that engagement.

OR, in the case of the male therapist, gauge the degree of sexual presence.

I may become uncomfortable around a male who is sitting with his legs open, but does that mean he's a sexual predator? Absolutely not! The problem is mine. I attribute that to him, based on my perception.

My perception, in turn, is based on my history and the baggage I'm bringing to the moment.

Checking our perceptions, challenging our beliefs, learning a new and better way are all good reasons to be in therapy and I think we all have a tendency to try to bend therapy to our old system of thinking.

I think most have a tendency to go on the defensive when challenged.

In the end though, it's usually all good, and all fodder for change.