[struggling2]

i feel like im starting to fall into this deep negative mindset. i feel like i have to go to that place to get better. almost like hitting rock bottom before you can go up. im restless and cant focus but have no interest in anything. including friends or social functions. i want to be left alone but i dont. i have no desire for mindless social interaction and no one can possibly handle whats going on inside me. i fear myself sliding into this deep isolation. i fear my marriage has to end for me to ever get better. its not fair to drag him down with me and if we stay together i feel like i have to cater to him out of my own guilt. i cancelled my T appt this week for the first time in almost 2yrs. i just dont even know what to say. my head is so full and i bounce all over the place between thoughts and feelings. there's no way to possibly unravel all that in 45min. and its so hard to go from work to therapy to work. its either all consuming or not at all. i fear where im headed but at the same time feel like thats where i have to go. there's a very sad, hurt and extremely needy little girl inside. i dont know how to sanely take care of her while still being an adult. it just sounds so strange.

[bamapsych]

Hope you feel better soon. Sorry to hear you are going through this right now. Maybe T can help when you see him/her next.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by struggling2

there's a very sad, hurt and extremely needy little girl inside. i dont know how to sanely take care of her while still being an adult. it just sounds so strange.

When I have been in this place, I'm kind of walking through my life in a dissociated fog, like there is this foggy space between me and the rest of the world, and space between me and the rest of me somewhere inside my head, including a younger girl.

I don't think it's a good time to be canceling T sessions, as the one thing you can do for you and to take care of her is to go to T and let her help you.

[struggling2]

omgosh anne, thats the best way to describe it. thank you for putting words to it.

[Sannah]

Can you get your appt. back for this week? When you don't feel like going it is the most important time to go. Can you give that inner child a voice in session?

[Asiablue]

So sorry to hear how you are feeling. I agree this is the time to go, you need support.
Even if it's just 45 mins of supportive silence.

Anne, you described perfectly what i have felt at times too.

[struggling2]

i got my appt back. i feel like an idiot. i was in the mindset yesterday that i was bound and determined not to go this week because maybe i just needed to give myself a break and 45min isnt that much. that maybe i shouldnt be so dependent on T's support, but no one else can handle all this. it just winds me up and then spits me out on my own again. it just feels like too much. i want to go back to the intensive that i went to. it was like this safe little cocoon where everything was ok. even though it was hard work it was ok and understoodd how you were feeling and what you were going through. it was ok to dig deep and feel because they were right there with you and nobody was going anywhere. and i didnt have to worry about anybody else but me. and they worried too. bah humbug

[adel34]

This sounds so painful! I'm really sorry you're going through this right now. That intensive probably stirred up a lot for you, so I'm not surprised you're still having strong feelings. Also thinking about ending your marriage is a big and probably anxiety provoking thing to be thinking about.
I'm sorry you canceled your t appointment for this week. I know what it's like to be so overwhelmed that it's hard to even talk, or feels better to just be alone. However, I think your t should know about this. Maybe call or e-mail her?
I really hope you feel better soon.