Therapist's New Office is Not Safe

Hello everyone, long time no post.

So, 4 months ago my therapist changed offices. I've been through change before. Change in therapists, change in office location, taking breaks, etc. It's always a bit of a bump, but we adjust.

The trouble is -- with this office we are NOT adjusting. My inner kids keep saying "It's not safe". Why? What is unsafe? Well one part is - my T's new office is right by the waiting room. When I am in the waiting room I can overhear her session with the previous client if I pay attention. This freaks me out as a client and as a therapist (Um, hello HIPAA!). They are working on putting music in the waiting room to make sure no one can hear anything. Fine.

My therapist has done everything to keep me and my alters in mind. The same furniture. She got the softest rugs knowing my kids love to sometimes sit or lay on the floor. She got a wicker loveseat because we love having something to lay on. The window gives a wonderful breeze. We love the colors of her office.

The office is bigger, which may be one of the issues. Being too big maybe we feel that it won't "contain" us or the things we talk about. So we asked her to borrow a standing screen to section off part of the office. That has helped some.

Even if my therapist said "Let's meet at 3am on Saturday" when there is absolutely no one there, I still don't think it would feel safe. This is bizarre to me! What's the deal? Why is it such a big deal all the sudden after all these changes?

My therapist made a comment yesterday to my inner kiddo who said "it's not safe". And she said "I wonder if that it's truly not safe or if you use that as a way to not work on hard things?" Ouch. I understand the need to ensure that's not what it is. But it felt like she was making it "our fault" by stating that.

We don't WANT to feel unsafe. We don't like it. And we're trying to figure it out too. I just don't know what to do. We've worked with her for 4 years and can't afford this feeling that continues to linger and impede our progress.

Any ideas, tips, etc?

For noise my XT used a white noise machine in the waiting room. As for the not safe feeling, maybe make a list of all the things that ARE familiar and safe in the office and then remind yourself that the stuff and space may be different but the relationship and T are the same.

Okay, I can relate to this from a personal point of view. My therapist switched offices a year into our relationship . ... I can't say that I trusted her too much then and I sure as hell didn't feel too much connection to her "office". She moved one door down to a bigger officer with more open space and more windows. I GET it that she liked it more, but I HATED it! It was big and impersonal in my book. But I sure as hell wasn't going to let her know that about me I pretended that everything was just fine and nothing had "changed" in my book. What a sacrifice in my book! What a missed opportuinity! I believe now, three years later that I would have grown so much more if I had been able to talk about this move with her . . . .about how it affected me. . . how much I didn't want it to effect me. How sad.

Sorry Stormy Angels, but I think your therapist is right on... Not in the sense that she gets to tell you how YOU feel. But you have to tap into the feelings. Really recognize and embrace how hard change is. If you don't "accept" or "acclimate" yourself to the new site, then you don't have to do any work. You can just concentrate on how "off" or "wrong" your therapist is.

What if you were to look at how off things are for you? I mean really say to your alters that it's "okay, gang" we're not going to commit to this stupid, no good, piece of s*i* place! We're goin to go home and just do what we need to do to survie!" What would you answer? Would things be okay? would you still be able to listen to your inner self? If so, then you're doing what you need to do.

This bothers me on many levels. As a client and an mental health care professional, I understand how important HIPAA is. I used to be our compliance officer. Working on putting music in the waiting room? All they need is some white noise machines and a CD player. You know you have the right to feel safe.

I understand this so much. While I am not DID, I love confined spaces. They help me feel safe. I am the opposite of claustrophobic. When my T changed offices, I thought it was bigger although she kept everything the same. She said she measured the room and it was the exact same size. Her old office had two windows, her new one had one, so I assumed the room was wider!

I honestly don't know what to say to make the room seem safer; however, I realized recently that the room had absolutely nothing to do with it. My T herself had a part in it...trust in myself was the largest part.

What would you tell one of your own clients who felt your office was unsafe?

The fact is, the office isn't unsafe, so is there a way to tell that inner kiddo that they are going to have to deal with their "feeling", since it isn't a reality, so you can move on. I mean, if this was one of my own children or a student, there would come a point where as a parent you just have to tell them it is time to deal with the discomfort and move on. You can only be so accommodating to this; there comes a point where continuing to indulge the obsession of the safety issue doesn't do the kid any favors--it just feeds it.

I am sorry you don't feel safe in your t's new office. I agree with those who've mentioned white noise machines. My t's office is right by the reception desk and I sit close to the door. T runs a white noise machine right by the door. It helps muffle our discussion and also muffles the sound from people at the desk. The only thing it didn't cover was the screaming 2 year old in the lobby one day.

My T's office has classical music playing in the hallways. My only complaint is that, as a musician, I find myself distracted by it as I can hear it a bit while in session.

EEEEYOW!
Major, major. ((((((((((((((((stormy)))))))))))))))))
I'm with Chopin, 'working on it' should be in hours, not even one day. I would tell T I am not coming back till they've fixed this.

white noise machine, that is. for me, music playing in a waiting room would force me outside to wait in my car. Sitting in background music grates on me so much that by the time my appt started I'd be hostile.

It is good that they are working on the noise issue.

It sounds like your T has brought things to the office to help you feel comfortable. I always take with me a very large stuffed polar bear that I can hug while I talk with my T. This helps me to feel calmer and I can even stroke the bear.

Maybe if you tried taking something from home that soothes you it would feel safer?

I shouldn't be that hard to put a radio in the waiting room.

this just came up with my therapist.
I could hear people in the next room clearly.
therapist asked , "why are you whispering?"
I replied, " if I can hear them they can hear me."

Therapist protested.

that's when I had a pizza delivered to my session. I paid the delivery guy an extra 10 bucks the barge in the room. 10 minutes before he came in I went on and on about how someone is going to discover all my secrets. We ate pizza.
Therapist analyze the entire pizza incident for the next 3 sessions. all the while I kept looking at the door.
insecurity is a 2 way street.
GB

Thanks for all the replies. I actually sent some of the replies to my therapist as a way to help me in this area. I really do appreciate and utilize the feedback. Sometimes I need to step out of myself to see something that should be so clear otherwise!