[MusicalRaven]

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to get someone else's opinion other than the random google searches I do.

I am dealing with some depression and anxiety lately (starting within the last few months). I live with my parents (I'm 27, with a masters degree in music) which I know is part of my problem since I'm not financially able to move out right now.

I'm starting having therapy sessions with a psychologist last week and I'm a little concerned because I have trouble talking to her. It's not her, I think that it's me. I just have a hard time talking to her. Once I get in front of her I don't know what to talk about. I don't really know what to say. I don't know why but it's just weird.

Anyway, I read somewhere that if you have a hard time getting conversations started in therapy that maybe you should write it down and give it to your therapist. Well, I wrote a 3 page 'letter' trying to write out the darkest things that I think about and how I generally feel about myself. When I was done I put it away and read it the next day. The words just don't seem like they are mine. I know I wrote them and I know that I feel them but I just feel like if I gave it to her it would be a pathetic cry for attention.

Is it okay to give your therapist a 'letter' when it's hard to get the conversation started about hard subjects or should I just deal with the fact that we don't seem to be getting to the heart of why I'm there.

Please advise.

Thanks,
MusicalRaven

[KazzaX]

I think its a great idea and its funny you should mention that because I have been thinking about writing a letter for my next session too. I have done it in the past and they really seem to like it when you do that. I know what you mean when you say once you get in front of them its hard to know what to talk about.. amen to that!

[Miswimmy1]

Oh geez. I write my t daily letters haha it's a great way to get therapy moving

[adel34]

Hi Musical Ravin,
Welcome to PC!
I would give her the letter. If she's a good t, she wouldn't consider it a cry for attention at all! And keep in mind, last week was just your first session right? Often these things take time. Hopefully with time, you'll open up more.

[feralkittymom]

It takes time. I think most Ts accept communication in whatever form. Your T may ask you to read the letter aloud to her. I know that can feel really awkward, but does help you to make it real. I think many of us have gone through stages when we felt more comfortable writing than speaking.

[Sila]

I wrote letters to my T weekly for the first few sessions. It really helps. My T greatly appreciated it because it let her know how I was feeling, and how I dealt with things. How my mind worked a bit more. I still write, but now I do small summaries in a journal instead of 3 page letters. It's great help. I specifically requested her to not read mine out loud though. I knew what I wrote. I didn't want to hear it.

writing a letter is really helpful. i've done that bunches of times. usually i read them out loud, sometimes she does, and there were a few that I handed her and said please read it to yourself. I remember one particular one that while she was reading it out loud I was trying to hide behind my notebook/be absorbed into the couch I was so flipping embarrassed but I'm actually glad she read that one out loud, because it was really a healing thing for me to hear her read it and also not hear any judgement in her voice.

Musical, I wrote out daily emails to my theapist in the beginning. ... I only sent one or two in the beginning. I sure hope that your T is accepting of the emails, lettters or whatever you send. .. HOw stange for the therapist to receive anything . ... how empowering for that therapist to acc3pt.

How come we couldnt' experience our learder giving his all/
It was aout all of us being REACTIVE G9ve ys failth

[mixedup_emotions]

The letter is a wonderful way to get started. I have found it rather difficult to talk about difficult things in T...even after 4 years. So, it's not unusual at all.

I can also relate to the idea of reading something the next day and not recognizing myself in it. I mentioned to my T recently that my feelings vacillate so much that it's scary at times how I can be ok during the day and then want to end it all at night. By the next morning, I'm back to being ok again. We're going to talk about it more during my next session, because it's a big issue for me right now.

[tinker10]

Maybe if a letter feels unnatural in some way, write something more in the way of bullet points or an outline? It may still feel "you" the next day because it is still just an outline of your general concerns and leaves you free to talk with your T about it any way you wish. If you read it to her, it may be even clearer and more helpful than a letter. It doesn't place you in such a vulnerable position initially too and maybe be better for ice-breaking and nerves.

Also, consider becoming more at peace with silent periods in therapy, less anxious about filling space. Take a deep breath. It is your time for you to work towards feeling better. If you are worried doing something wrong by not talking, then you are doing the opposite, feeling less okay. Good luck. I remember feeling in a similar way.

[franki_j]

It honestly took me over a year to get comfortable enough with my T to be able to talk to her like a normal person. There were sessions when we would just sit in complete silence because I couldn't say anything.
What helped me was being able to email her in between sessions (although email can be a very tricky form of communication in therapy so beware), so for me, it was a way to get the really hard stuff out and feel like I was connected to her in between sessions.
I think that writing a letter is a good idea; I can honestly say that if it wasn't for me being able to to write to my T then I would not be where I am in today in therapy and my relationship with her would not be as close.

[Victoria'smom]

This year of therapy alone I have wrote over 100 pages of notes, and mood charts for my T. I learned recently that T keeps my most recent papers on her desk. I plan to continue doing this until therapy is over.

[janealizabeth]

Hi, if you feel a letter would help you should go ahead and hand it to her. I would also say that it's natural not to be able to open up to your therapist initially. I would suggest that you don't give up yet...and try to communicate with her. And like the others have said, don't beat yourself up for it...you'll get the opposite effect by being harsh on yourself. Having said that, there are times when you don't necessarily establish a connection with your therapist. Once you think you have tried all you can think of to communicate and if it still doesn't work, you should look for other therapists with whom it might work better. I say this from my own experience, I interacted with 3 different therapists before I found a therapist with whom it was very helpful for me. I have been seeing the same therapist now for 3 years. Hope this helps.

[MusicalRaven]

Thanks everybody. I'm seeing my therapist tomorrow and I'm planning on giving her the letter. I hope I don't get super nervous and chicken out. I'm hoping that she'll be receptive to receiving written communication to start our sessions for a couple weeks at least. It's not like I talk about my feelings on a daily basis so I'm hoping this will be a good foot to start things out on.

[sconnie892]

Welcome to PC MusicalRaven.
I had a hard time talking when I started. I wasn't sure what to discuss.
I have written "letters" but always read them to t rather than having her read them. But it is very helpful to have something written for those times when I get stuck.

[MusicalRaven]

Well I went to my session and gave her my letter... she was very kind about receiving it. She said it was brave to write down all the things I think about and feel about my self and give it to her. I don't know if I feel the same way but I digress.

It was an intense session but she was very receptive and didn't feel as if it was a pathetic cry for attention so that was good. I think I really like her. I have never really been in therapy before so I don't know what to expect but I like her and more importantly I trust her.

Now I'm just trying to pluck up the courage to ask my psychiatrist for a note saying that my cats are more service animals then pets. I don't know how to ask about that though.