The Greatest Justice and Reward

I hate being in therapy.
I think the people who hurt me should be there, forced to disclose every intimate details of their life. It's unjust to have to relive it in front of a total stranger with no 1 to console you.

I think the greatest justice and the greatest reward is that we all drink from our own cup.

I think of that took place there wouldn't be a person in therapy who didn't feel validated afterwards.
I've gone through therapy now for 2 years and without any support. I'm ready to quit and slip back into the silent world I use to live in.
I hate me. Why can't I just drop dead.
I should never have broken my silence.
That was my power and now it's gone and I can't get it back.
I regret therapy.

GB

I totally can relate to this feeling. all i can say is that it takes time. I hav often accused my t of "ruining my life and not being there to pick up the pieces". I think its a trust thing. because t is the one who should be the one to console you. they should be the support. maybe you dont have a deep enough relationship with your t to hav that yet... it takes time..

i am sry that you feel like this

my therapist is very indifferent.
always offers advice that doesn't apply to what I'm talking about.
I remember my very first session.
I spent 30 minutes filling out paperwork. in that paperwork I reveal that I had hepatitis C. I year later when it came up in therapy my t acted like it was the first time they ever heard of it. first session cost me 500 dollars and I find out a year later that t didn't even read the paperwork that I filled out.
Great.
that whole time my therapist didn't know I have a disease that keeps me from having a future relationship. all the while counseling me to get a divorce.
now that I've lost it all with no way to resume relationships on an intimate level, the reaction I get from my therapist .is indifference.
I don't think therapy is for me

i think it is unrealistic to expect t to remember everything. it was a small detail, and just because she didn't remember it doesn't mean that she didn't read the paperwork. unless it was a vital thing to know when dealing with the things you are working on in therapy, you can hardly expect that of her.

i have hep B, and since it has nothing to do with what I am in therapy for, i highly doubt that she even knows I have it, even tho it was on my intake forms. i wouldn't hold it over her to remember either.

can you talk to her about your concerns? it sounds like maybe you hav different goals for therapy, and that might be why she seems indifferent to you

The first session was $500? really? That sounds like a really high price to me! Maybe you'd do better with a t that's less indifferent, more caring and supportive of you and charges a little less!
I wouldn't give up on therapy altogether.

Even if a T reads through paperwork at the first session, to expect him to remember this, unless you have discussed it fairly regularly as part of your sessions, a year later is probably a bit unrealistic. If you feel your T is indifferent, find a new one. No one is forcing you to stay with this particular therapist if it is not working for you.

You have to advocate for yourself, speak up about what issues are impacting your life (like the hep b), and if you feel your T's responses are inaccurate, inappropriate, or indifferent, call him on it. If you don't get a satisfactory outcome from that, then it is time to go T shopping.

I agree about $500 being exorbitant. My pdocs weren't even that expensive for the initial visit.

Wow... First off thanks for all the hugs.
I have to laugh a little here...for500 bucks I would remember every fact and detail that I was afforded by a client. That's just me though.
I have only been to one therapist and I don't want to open up to another stranger. I did jave a marriage counselor but it was only a few months and I certainly didn't disclose my life to her.
Having hepatitis c is difficult in terms of relationships. Most people don't want relationship s with me. I live without any support excrpt for myself.
When I talk about this with my therapist I get a feeling of indifference.
I don't know...maybe I'm being a big baby.

I think maybe its a bit like a self fulfilling prophecy. U are used to people not wanting to be around u when u talk about it, so u set yourself up for rejection. Maybe that's why t is coming off as indifferent... Because u are so prepared for rejection that u are reading too much inbetween the lines?

It could be a self fulfilling prophecy but even that can be experiences dictating behavior. if you have enough negative experiences it wears you down and you believe. does that mean I can't find someone in the world who has hepatitis C? No. of course if their experiences are similar to mine, chances are they are living out the same negative view of self as I am.
statistically 3,000,000 US citizens have this disease.
the top 2 means of spreading this disease is IV drugs and blood transfusions. I got the disease when I was 18 after I got a tattoo. you can also get it just by going to get your nails done at a beauty parlor.
I've had the disease now for 28 years other than that I live a healthy life.
none of my partners have the disease and neither does my child. the precautions i take in regards to this are all routine now. yet I am treated as though I should have a biohazard sticker on my forehead.
just saying, it can wear you down.

I'm with you.. Hep C is a big thing to at least note somewhere in the therapist's brain.

There is a shared responsibility there I think.

Therapy can be life changing, but I don't think it's going to be that way with this therapist for you.

Good luck.

yeah probably it's time to make a decision

I just wish my therapist was on the receiving end of them self sometimes they might foster a different approach. sometimes I wish the therapist could see therapy through my eyes.
it certainly doesn't feel that way.

maybe that my therapist just simply can't relate to my life experiences.
I just think therapy is hard and I would rather see those who put me there in therapy rather than myself. let them have the emotional pain I have to deal with every single day. I thought about suicide since I was 7 years old. that gives me a 39 year track record of successfully waking up each day between then and now but if bring up the subject, my therapist reaches for a phone.
I'm just sick of it.
GB

I may just spend sometime looking around the site and seen with other people's experiences are but their terapist.
I just don't have experience with any other therapist. that makes me nervous.
I certainly don't want a new therapist to talk to me about my old therapist. I'll have to do some research. I did some research once before but I kept finding therapists who project a saturation of acceptance, which seems unnatural.

ur t should hav no reason to pick up the phone, unless he/she thinks you are in immediate danger to yourself.

as for the whole thing, what are you in therapy for? is it to deal with the diagnosis of hep c? or is it something else? because it seems like you are really struggling to deal with the hep c, and in that case, you might want to find a t who is experienced in dealing with illnesses such as that. it might not be that she is acting indifferent. it may be that she doesn't know how to deal with it herself...

Hi miswimmy,
the specific reason I am in therapy is in my profile and it's a pretty detailed.
hepatitis C is a big concern in my life. there are however many reasons that I'm in therapy. none of which I would a plan in under my own free will. it's very complicated but the short answer is depression, P TSD, dissociative disorder, emotional, physical, mental, and sexual abuse in my childhood. the memories of these events are highly detailed and plays out like a video in my head.
it scares me to change therapists because I don't want to relive all that again. the abuse was extensive throughout my childhood. have terrible nightmares of it.
I have tried everything just short of medication.
what I speak of in my profile are a few of the more easily managed memory than I have.
my memories go back to when I was 3 month old.
it just gets more complicated after that.
I guess my point is I'm just tired. my quality of life is absolutely 0.
hepatitis C is a big issue because of how much relationship is focused on in therapy. if I can have an intimate relationship, what's the point in going on in therapy about relationships?