Does T need to know everything?

I've told T most all the things that have caused me guilt or shame in my life. But there are two things I have not told him or anyone at all. And I have convinced myself he doesn't need this information in order to help me, because these two topics are exactly the same subject as another topic that he DOES have the information about.... So.... I have just told myself that if he can (and is) helping me on that topic, I can just apply it to these other two topics the same way.

I just don't think I could tell T these other two things... which must mean I don't trust him as much as I would like to think.

Does anyone else keep things from their T?

In my opinion, the more T knows, the more T can help. It took me a while to warm up to T, and to trust T completely, but now there are no secrets anymore. Sometimes I will tell T something and follow it up with "I don't want to talk about it yet, I just wanted to get it out of my head." T tucks it away, and has brought up topics months later, that naturally fit into what we're exploring on. If I'm ready to talk, we do, if not, it gets put away again for later.

It sounds like these two things are important enough to you to keep them secret which generally translates to probably needing to talk to your T about them.

I don't tell my T everything either, but the things I choose to not tell him aren't particularly secrets; they just don't really have anything to do with working on "me". The truly aren't integral to my recovery, stability, etc.

In your case, what you are keeping to yourself does seem to be related to your mental health and sense of safety (perhaps) in the world. Sounds like you probably need to spill the beans and unburden your "soul" about these things.

In therapy, the hardest thing to say is sometimes the thing you most need to say.

I've got to the point where I can notice my own avoidance and challenge myself. Sometimes!

Perhaps you do trust him...but right now perhaps you cannot face these things sufficiently so as to say them out loud?

If I had robbed a bank, I would probably tell T.
If I had robbed three banks, would she need to know that, or benefit from knowing it, do you think?

If I had robbed a bank, and I told her, so far so good;
but I had also robbed two houses... should I tell her about those?

One thing is an incident... three may be a pattern (not saying ARE, saying might be); telling or not telling may depend on what it is you want help with... the aftermath of an incident, or the understanding & changing of a pattern?

No, T doesn't need to know everything, only what you need to tell him. None of my Ts knew everything about me or my life and it would be impossible to give the whole story in any case. I tell my T what I feel in my heart is necessary to say for my healing or to help me lead a better/healthier life.

But I agree with Can't Explain completely that often it's the things we can't say that are the most important. Even when we convince ourselves that it's not important. Often its those issues that have been there most of the time but unspeakable to anyone.

This is kind of what makes me a little taciturn. In the beginning, I would regale my therapist with a "new" tale of woe every session. But it didn't take long for my stories to take on a "beating a dead horse" quality. Maybe the cast of characters changes, but it's the same sad-sack story nonetheless.

but quietcat... maybe the stories are sad if they repeat, but recognizing the pattern is a big achievement, not something to be deliberately dodged - is it? and if someone withholds the second, third, xth incident from T in hope that there won't be a pattern recognized - is that person making good use of therapy? I have to wonder.

having said all that, YES telling one incident may be hard, for shame; telling the next can be AS hard but maybe partly because the shame is for a different reason; and telling the third, and the xth, can be even harder. again not for the same reason as the first.
but if it helps us to clear away the debris so we can see to get up and walk straight - ah, isn't that worth a lot?

No, he or she doesn't need to know everything. There are things I will NEVER tell anyone but I can learn to deal with them without talking about them. That's my opinion anyway.

I think it is neither right nor wrong to not tell certain things. If it is pertinent it will come up organically. I honestly don't believe you have to force yourself to tell things just for the sake of telling them.

My rule is that I tell T everything that I am uncomfortable with saying because I trust that if it doesnt matter she wont make a big deal, if it does matter then we can work it through. I realized also that a lot of my issue is shame/guilt/embarrassment... So its imperative that I work through that by facing them and t is the safe space.

I think I may simply tell T that there are two things I haven't told him but I don't want to talk of them yet. He can make a note of it and maybe in the future I will be better able to tell him.

They aren't things that are a pattern though. They are from my childhood/early teen years. They contributed to cause the pattern of avoidance that I've had up to this point in life.