How did you find your T?

My exT referred me to a psychiatrist to talk about my medication. The first time I saw him I told him more than I'd ever been able to tell my then-T. When I had quit exT I still had one appointment booked with the psychiatrist, and I managed, with some outside help, to ask if I could go to therapy with him.

Thanks. This felt very nice to read this. Sometimes I feel really stupid for not paying attention. Truth is, I SAW the flags. SEveral of them. But I ignored them (or perhaps filed them on the back burner). It felt so good and I didn't want to give up all the good feelings. I now suspect there was counter-transference going on, big time. And she didn't have the training or foundation to even conceive of it as an issue - or to pay attention to the clues. That is something I totally missed. I now suspect she was so good to me (and she was from the humanistic area which tend to have much lower boundaries) not because it was good for me, but because it made her feel like she was special T. But I can't prove it. And I don't think it was malicious and intended to be manipulative, but it still wasn't good for me, even if I did love it.

Sounds very much like an experience I had with a group therapist. Seeing the flags and believing them, or interpreting them, are totally different things. And the therapy situation often actively encourages us to question the validity of our perceptions. Add warm fuzzy feelings into the mix, and who could resist?

THanks FEralKitty. I appreciate your support, and also your listening. In taking the opportunity to respond to you, I listend to what I said and I learned a couple things I will take back to my new T next week that are helping me get clarity about what happened to me. Again, thanks so much.

As far as finding my new T, I called 3-4 different places, mostly referrals that my xT gave me.

1. The first one I called, a refferal from xT, was a male therapist trained in trauma. My xT had once told me that he went out for lunch with him and that he believed in acceptance when it came to self-states. I called this guy and made an appointment (this was about a month after termination). About two days before, I think, I started getting what I called paranoid, I knew he was xT's friend, and I was worried about this. I was extremely anxious, so I called and cancelled. Then, the next day I was afraid, and I called and asked if I could still keep the appt. but he didn't call back. I think I texted and emailed him. So, later my xT called with another referral, including the same guy. So, I called him saying that xT referred me to him again. He called me days later, and left a message saying, "I think we got off to a bad start. I am going to tell you how I do therapy. I don't play games with my therapy sessions, you either accept the appointment or you don't and you either show up or you don't. If you still have questions back and forth, or you are upset, or tenuous, more reason for you to be in therapy. I am not going to waste your time, and I'm certainly not going to waste mine. If you are going to be in therapy, you need to be in therapy and working at it, not just showing up to appointments. So, if you're still interested, call me.

To me, this was my xT talking to me through this therapist. Why else would this therapist say these things if my xT hadn't told him these things? I was INFURIATED. I called him back, and left a message saying thanks for the call I appreciate your offer but I have to decline at this point. I don't remember anything I said until I said, so, I don't want to waste your time, but I especially don't want to waste mine. I was trying not to be rude, but I was at the end I think. This bothers me to this day, that my xT thought that I just went to sessions but didn't do the work. I am proving him wrong, if he did say this. Anyway,

2. I called someone out of the phone book, a woman. I told her my diagnoses and after each one, she said, "who labeled you that?" I told her about another therapist I saw a few times and said her name, she said "That's Dr. so and so." She then said that if I see her, she's calling my Pdoc first thing to talk about my meds. Then she offered a DBT course (she apparently agreed with the BPD label)
UNBELIEVABLE, really? That session was about her, nothing about me. NOT INTERESTED

3. I called another referral from T, and they screwed up and I was talking to someone who dispenses meds. NEXT

4. I called my current T, and when I heard about him, I knew this was the T that I wanted. He has a Doctorate and has written alot about DID. I went for the interview, and it went well. I am now going on my 11th appointment, so all is well.

The second option, when I called and said I was interviewing therapists because I was looking for one, the receptionist said, "Oh, you're a student psychology major?" lol I'm glad that's over.

That is the process I went through to find my new therapist.