Couch 28

Good night couch....

Hey coucharoonies! Just got home from work, and am all excited. I found out today I was selected for a special project that starts tomorrow & goes through the end of the month, possibly into January. Yay! It's a good sign to be picked for a project this soon after training. Go me! I have t tomorrow morning, possibly the last time of the year, unless she says yes to my request for a session on 12/28. I was going to say I wanted that to be the last one, but I think my H had a good idea, he said I should just say I need to take January off because of working 60 hr weeks, and then schedule one for early February and by then I will know if it's time to schedule a final session. So that is what I shall propose tomorrow.

Well I'm out, my son has strep so I need to go baby him for awhile. Nighters!

And for all with t tomorrow sending good thoughts.

Maybe a trigger warning - Slight crap from childhood.


I was another double today, and am still catching up on the couch, but I may stop at this tonight. MKAC I think that I really get what you are saying. On several occasions my mom told me that she had a gun. I don't think that I ever thought she would go as far as shooting me, but it was still always in the back of my mind. That along with other things in my past has made me "nervous" about people seriously hurting me. I think that the thought is always there somewhere. I am sorry that you have had this fear, and I am glad that therapy is working. I hope for the same for me.

Saw the Hobbit, I'm moving to middle earth, summer home in the shire, winter with the elves! I am officially changing my name to Lola Baggins! Goodnight all, beware of trolls!

I'm soo out of it today. I could've sworn ALL DAY that today was in fact Tuesday and my T was supposed to be calling me. I kept looking at the time thinking 'She usually calls me around now, what's going on?' and then she emailed me and said she'd see me wednesday (rather than "see you tomorrow") and it flipped a switch in my mind "OH WAIT Today is monday!"

*facepalm*

So you found the movie passable?

I'm a sucker for great costumes, special effects and cinematography. Besides who doesn't love swords fights, wizards, trolls and elves ?

I prefer to block Monday out of my mind too. Just pretend it's not there, never happened.

I may take Friday off this week, which means that Monday was actually Tuesday which felt like Monday.

If I work on Friday, then it was actually Monday, BUT I already missed it because it might have been Tuesday.

Either way, I was able to mostly hide from it.

I stupidly checked my T's age, and found out that his birthday is not far off - I'm going to have an appointment on that day, even. Well that was silly of me. I can't exactly mention to him that I checked up on him, but I would have liked to wish him a happy birthday. Also he's closer to retirement age than I'd thought. (Since he has a private practice he might very well choose to go on after 65 though, and he said not long ago that unless I choose to terminate I may well go on seeing him for several years, which would seem to indicate that he does mean to work for a few more years. So I won't actually worry about this.)

Meanwhile, I had a very good session today. I'd almost decided to cancel because I have had a cold for a few days and was feeling rather out of it yesterday, but this morning I felt ok, and decided to take a bunch of cough drops and nasal sprays and things to stave off the symptoms, and I went in anyway, making sure to keep my distance to T. I'm very glad that I did go. It was an intense but somehow relaxed session and I felt that T was really present and listening to me. Subjects that were discussed included shame, neediness, and the upcoming holiday break. I can't believe T actually asked me how I felt about that. Or maybe I do believe it.
I'm starting to think my T cares about me. Help!!

This incoherent rambling brought to you by Wingless Birds 'R' Us.

I'm so glad you had a good session, Apt.

I finally figured out that my T really does care about me. Just yesterday, actually. After nearly a year.

good job apt. I like wingless birds.

First...vegan nutella...
2 cups raw hazelnuts
1 1/2 tbsp pure vanilla extract
1/4 cup cocoa powder
1/3 cp agave syrup
3/8 tsp salt
2 tsp oil (for the love of God, use good oil please)
1/2 cup almond milk
Roast hazelnuts for 10-14 minutes at 400 F. Rub them together in a paper towel to get most of the skins off. In a food processor blend the nuts until they turn into butter, then add all other ingredients and blend until smooth (at least two minutes).

You sooooo had me at "they turn into butter".

wiki mcRib is an oxymoron.

T at 3

Primary doc in a bit
Mother right after.

My stepdaughter and her family live in Southbury, very close to Newtown. My grandson has friends that go to that school, his school went into lockdown on Friday. Before getting on the bus yesterday morning he told his parents "don't worry. No weapon formed against me shall prosper" So sad that an 8 year old has to think in those terms before school in the morning.

When I was that age, I went to school thinking "woot, 5 hours of safety".
How about you?

Later...

All right all right. McRib is unhealthy. I so get it...lol!

Well whattya know. If one takes one's meds early, one falls asleep at 10:00 pm. When one falls asleep at 10:00 pm, one may wake up at 6:00 am. Which works for this one because:
1. One can straighten the house; getting ready for a craft fest this evening.
2. I received a call from the group home at 7:45 am and I was coherent.

So, I hope everyone has a great day because I need to straighten, then get to work!

Nope. My fundamental Christian school was as hellish as home. My grandparents' house was my safe place.

Off topic: My T's 56th birthday is today.

Glad you had fun.



I did not feel especially safe at school. But I was not worried about getting shot.
I have had a couple of students who concerned me since I started teaching.

School was better than home in some ways, and worse in others. No one hit me at school, although paddling was still allowed when and where I went to school, so I knew it was a possibility. I also knew that if I got in trouble at school, I would get in trouble at home which did involve hitting. And at school, there was the added pressure of trying to fit in with all of the other "normal" kids and pretend like I was like them.

Morning all,
T at 9:30 today. I am actually looking forward to it. She's been so supportive the last month.

Looks like we get white Christmas here - 4 to 7 inches Wednesday night into Thursday with blowing, drifting, and possible blizzard conditions. I am working from home. Executive decision.

Good morning, couch peeps.....

Didn't do too well at the open mic last night, but I got through it. Let's not talk about it. LOL

I hated my elementary school. It was the site of the first CSA that I can recall, and I'd imagine that affected me. I never felt safe and teachers were not people I looked up to. At all.

I'm debating on whether or not I want to take a nap or run errands. I'm sure I'd feel accomplished if I ran errands, but I am sooooo tired. I'm running on very little sleep the last few nights and could sure use the rest. Maybe I'll chillax for a couple hours then head out to do some errands.

Hi all,

I hated school too, but it sounds like I got off lightly. I made friends easily and was never bullied. I had a really bad phobia though, that began when I was about eight. I hid it from everybody, and it would hit me badly while I was in school. Vision clouding over, ears ringing, hot and cold (though I could be sitting in a crowded classroom and no one ever knew). I also thought I was really unintelligent, so I never tried or did any of the work. I never did very well, which proved my lack of intelligence of course. Good times!

When I was in grade school, my only 'safe' place was my grandparent's house too. I spent a lot of weekends with them and a lot of summers with them, my grandmother was more of a mother to me than bio mom. She was the one that taught me to crochet and we spent so many happy, happy hours crocheting together. I still miss her sometimes and she's been gone for 35 years next month. School at that age was a nightmare for me, there was this one kid who would be called a bully nowadays, I never knew why he hated me so much but he constantly picked on me, destroyed my art projects, threw rocks at me, punched me in the stomach, on and on and on. I dreaded going to school every day, because he was in my class EVERY freaking year and bio mom did NOTHING about it. I remember quite a few days when I was so afraid to go to school that my stomach would hurt and I'd cry and try to be allowed to stay home and they wouldn't let me. I was forced to go and they never provided any type of support at all. As a parent now, if my son were going through something like that, I'd be at that school EVERY day until they moved him to a different class, and if they didn't I'd be at the freakin' District office demanding something be done. God, how I hated being a kid. Even in the worst of my depression, the ONE thing I NEVER doubted was that I am a good parent to my son.

OH! and sending out good thoughts to all those with T today. I'll be calling mine in about an hour. I emailed her a dream and a couple active imaginations last night, so I already know what we'll be talking about!

School was my safe haven, I looked to the teachers, administrators, coaches etc for love, support and praise. It was the only stable thing in my life. I became attached to many a teacher over the years. My favorite Teacher was Mrs. Yost, she was a french teacher ( I took 2 years) and the class sponsor, I was president my freshman year so we spent a lot of time together. I would go to her house on the weekends and we would talk or bake. Sadly she died of ovarian cancer early on my sophomore year and that was the last of my Teacher attachments.

Sconnie - I am so jealous of the snow.

My mother sent me a message via FB text on Friday , "I am so proud of you..... blah blah blah." For those of you who don't know, we don't talk. At first I thought, Christmas is here and she wants a gift! It dawned on me today it was because of the shootings at that school. Guilt I guess....

On another note, My W is an elementary teacher (5th grade) and on Monday her kids all were concerned about what they would do in a situation like that, how would she protect them. It was heart wrenching to hear how worried the children were and equally as heart wrenching to see how much it effected her. She was able to hold it together and comfort them and assure them that a plan was in place. Truth be told , there is a meeting today to MAKE A PLAN. So sad ....

I hope everyone has a safe and happy day! T Tuesday!

I can't remember what being in school felt like. I remember being there, but not whether I liked it or not, or whether it was safe - I'm not sure anywhere felt particularly safe when I was little, other than when I was alone late at night.
No, wait, I remember school libraries. Those were safe places, at least up until grade 7. Grades 7-9 were... really not safe, I don't think. Again, I can't quite remember any feelings I had. But once I started secondary school (that is, grades "10-12" though they were not called that) it changed. I got friends. Those were good years.

We have about 15 inches of snow right now, I think. And it struck me today that it's funny how there isn't a single word in English that means "to rub snow in somebody's face". In Swedish, there is evidence for at least 95 different verbs that mean this, though maybe only 20 or so that are "actually" different (the rest could probably be said to be variants of them. I think. I'm not an expert on this.) http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/mula#Swedish

Slang term when I was growing up:

Whitewash: To rub snow in somebody's face