Couch 28

Lola, I haven't been to my primary doctor in a while. I saw my neurologist in July for botox treatments on the base of my skull for my migraines. I typically get 10,000 units of botox injected into my neck every 3-4 months. They've helped quite a bit, but I'm due for another round of injections (since October) and can't get them because my insurance doesn't cover them now. So, I've been suffering. The botox treatment was considered a last resort after trying many other things - traditional migraine meds, physical therapy, cortizone injections, acupuncture, reiki, massage, herbs - after seeing specialist after specialist.

And my primary doctor gives me migraine meds and refuses to fill my script until I get bloodwork done because there was a drug interaction with some meds that I was taking for about a year....she stopped one of the meds when my pharmacy alerted her to the interaction...but I haven't gotten the bloodwork done yet. I know I have to do that soon. I keep putting it off for one reason or another.

But it's a game, right? Not bullying?

((Lola))

I have come to accept that although my mother was unstable, angry, selfish and incompetent, she really was doing her best for me most of the time. And she did love me and she was proud of me.

Not much to show for ten years hard T-work, but I've stopped hating her.

Your results may vary.

Like everything else in life it could be either. Five people all throwing snowballs at each other and rubbing snow in each other's faces is a game. Four people all doing it to the fifth is bullying. The reason schools forbid it is mostly that the one can easily turn into the other.

But friendly snow fights really are fun. As long as you throw snow and nothing else nobody gets hurt, and adults don't have a lot of advantage over kids, so it's a fun outdoors activity to do together. Followed by hot chocolate or something of that ilk.

I just got a call from my older brother.. He said, I know this is last mintue, but he and his girlfriend are getting married on FRIDAY in the middle of the day and it would be great if us and the kids could go. Yes, very short notice, lol!

So, I call my mom.. and she is like, well I am not sure if I am going I am hosting Christmas dinner that night, I need to be home getting ready. I was like mom, seriously.. as crazy as it is, it is your son and he is getting married, you should make some kind of an effort. I don't get my family.. at. all.

I did not really have bullies I don't think as much as I just could not figure out what do with other children at school. They did not seem to read like I did, and so we had nothing in common. When I got to high school and found the band nerds it was much better.

I can see your point, but its actually very rude to get married on such short notice. In my opinion.

It never snows here either (although we get plenty of cold bitter rain). I'd never had a chance to see snow up close and then a couple of winters back, it snowed. It snowed a few times over a few days. Even at my house which is almost sea level. The higher suburbs (which very rarely have had the lightest dusting of snow before) were totally white. Everyone was amazed, because it never snows here. Most of the people who had moved here from overseas watched us all with amusement, us all being so amazed by the snow. It was really, really bizarre to be at work, looking out a window at snow covering a city it never usually touches. Almost every other person at every other window was standing looking out their windows too (except for those few from overseas who thought the situation was totally normal and they just stood back laughing at us all).

You all aren't messing much snow wise.. It ruins plans, hard to drive in, etc. I have lived with snow my whole life.. and one day out of the year, I look outside and say oh wow, the snow is sooo pretty.. then I go back to hating it. So, not worth it!

I am not a big fan of snow. I hate driving in it. I do like the muffled quiet after a new snow though. It's peaceful in its own way.

It was really nice when it snowed here like it did. I think because it just lasted a couple of weeks and there wasn't enough near my home for it to last more than a couple of hours or to turn mushy. Though lots of people in the higher suburbs couldn't get to work because it was so bad...and I couldn't get out to my horse for a couple of days. I'd always wanted to stand in snowfall though, so I'm glad I can tick that off the list. I wish it snowed just a little bit here every year.

Yeah, she moved back in November to another state, about 1300 miles away! and we do phone sessions now. I'm paying out of pocket (she reduced her fee for phone sessions) since insurance won't cover it.

We don't get much snow, but I am not that fond of it when we do. It gets in the dog's paws and they can't walk.

My dog was overjoyed at the snow. I couldn't feel my hands when I took him for a walk and he dived straight into an icy pond and wouldn't get out. He wishes it snowed all year, every year.

I grew up in Missouri, so I've had my share of snow and moved away from it when I got married 15 years ago. I live in southern AZ these days, and the only snow I see now is up on top of the surrounding mountains, and that's the way I like it!!! Close enough to see it looking pretty way up there and to visit if I want to, but far enough away that I don't have to deal with it. My T moved to Oregon, and said this morning that she has snow on the ground there and is expecting a white Christmas. She can have it, LOL! I hate shoveling snow and scraping windshields and freezing my butt off just walking to the car. I like my Christmas day to be 65 degrees and sunny!

Christmas is usually 75 and sunny here, and I like it that way too.

I snow
very very much
as long as it's actual white fluffy snow and not freezing rain.

I did get bullied at school, and picked on a lot too. The nuns would slap my hands with a ruler because I stuttered. But it wasn't anywhere near as dangerous as home, and I didn't have to watch out for my brother.

Trauma Lady. I think we are bonding. She said some meaningful things. We talked about my phone call to her back in Nov. She said, "a part of me was very worried for you, but I trusted that you could be safe. I do wish you had returned my call the next day, but that is your choice, and I respect your decision." She also said, "if you feel the urge to call me you can. Please don't stress yourself out about it, just call. I can take care of myself and decide when I can call you back."

We also talked about how insurance companies are now only paying for 45 min. sessions instead of 50 min sessions. Watch for this in your future, Massachusetts is the guinea pig for US healthcare.

Off to see the Hobbit....
later folks.

my moods are too all over the place..

I just threw a remote control at my h b/c he won't take his shoes off. I know I am angry at way more than this, but ugh..

I love snow because for me it still usually means a day off of work and school. Gosh...I miss the excitement of waking up and eagerly looking out the window. If there was snow on the ground, I would rush to the tv to see if school had been cancelled.

Ohh.. I do like the feeling of finding out that school has been closed b/c of snow! lol

I don't like my life, I can't handle my life, I suck at my life. I am not a good wife, or mother. I suck!

Does somebody need a hug?

((Healed))

and.. nobody understand me. So, I could call my bff and but she doesn't understand. I am irrational to the world. Especially, to my friends in my Christian house wife circle I run in. I have nobody.

you have us ... Healed don't be so hard on yourself.

nobody REALLY cares.. Cares about my well being, anything really. People care out of obligation.