[hezaa82]

I've been having a really tough time lately. I've been feeling really isolated and alone ever since New Years and I just keep going deeper into the rut. I had a really bad time over the weekend - I got mad at a friend for not inviting me to a party, and got mad at the guy I like for not liking me. I spoke to my T last night but it just made me feel worse. He was really rough on me. He was being condescending and telling me how bad all my behaviors are. Of course I know they're bad. I've been through all that before. Knowing it's bad is obviously not enough to stop my compulsion when I'm feeling really down. I just wasn't in the state of mind for his "tough love." I'm not emotionally ok enough. I need help with coping mechanisms or something, not someone telling me I'm wrong. If knowing I was wrong was enough to stop me I would have stopped by now. I just really need a pick me up right now and that really was the last thing I needed from T yesterday. I also find that if someone is telling me what I'm doing is wrong in a sort of condescending way, it just makes me resist their message even more. It just makes me want to justify my actions. Is that normal? If someone is speaking to me gently then it's easier to agree that I'm wrong. I just don't know what to do when I'm feeling so down and desperate and I have no one I can go to.

[shlump]

You know your behaviors are bad, but want to justify your actions?

Can you talk to T about what you need. your opinion does matter. It's your therapy.

Did your behaviors impact your T. Have you wronged her or hurt her feelings? Sometimes people, even T's, get a bit miffed when they are wronged. Maybe T knows how you feel about wanting to justify your behaviors and shes thinking it's not going to do you any good to coddle you.

Don't know what your behaviors were...

Hope you two can work it out. Good luck.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by hezaa82

I've been having a really tough time lately. I've been feeling really isolated and alone ever since New Years and I just keep going deeper into the rut. I had a really bad time over the weekend - I got mad at a friend for not inviting me to a party, and got mad at the guy I like for not liking me. I spoke to my T last night but it just made me feel worse. He was really rough on me. He was being condescending and telling me how bad all my behaviors are. Of course I know they're bad. I've been through all that before. Knowing it's bad is obviously not enough to stop my compulsion when I'm feeling really down. I just wasn't in the state of mind for his "tough love." I'm not emotionally ok enough. I need help with coping mechanisms or something, not someone telling me I'm wrong. If knowing I was wrong was enough to stop me I would have stopped by now. I just really need a pick me up right now and that really was the last thing I needed from T yesterday. I also find that if someone is telling me what I'm doing is wrong in a sort of condescending way, it just makes me resist their message even more. It just makes me want to justify my actions. Is that normal? If someone is speaking to me gently then it's easier to agree that I'm wrong. I just don't know what to do when I'm feeling so down and desperate and I have no one I can go to.

I've often been angry with T for not seeing how much support I needed.
Her excuse is I never asked.

Sometimes we just want our pain knowledged and not 'fixed'. Especially when we are stuck and feeling like our coping mechanism is the only thing holding us together. This too shall pass.

[anilam]

You're right- telling ppl that they their behaviour is bad is not particularly helpful- just stating the obvious (if you already acknowledge that) is easy but not therapy- did he ask you why you feel/behave the way you do / offer some alternatives?
You really should talk to him about that- you're not paying him for being patronising/scolding you.
I'm sorry you're feeling this way- this time of year is difficult for many ppl.

[hezaa82]

Originally Posted by shlump

You know your behaviors are bad, but want to justify your actions?

I don't really want to justify my actions, but it's what I do when I feel attacked. I'd rather my T lead me to a place where I could be vulnerable which is what I want to do...

I think he was trying to "wake me up" or something and maybe he didn't know I was already aware of my patterns. I've only been seeing him for about 3 months so far. Up until now he's been really supportive and constructive so I don't know what happened. What I'd really like is some alternative coping mechanisms or something. It just made me feel worse because I was already feeling really stuck and misunderstood. I guess I'll talk about it with him next time.

Thanks everyone.

[WikidPissah]

I hate feeling like I am on the defensive. I think I do better when I am being told why I do things rather than being told that I am wrong for doing them.