[hezaa82]

wow I'm actually posting something positive lol

I had a really good session with my T last night. Last week I posted about how I'd had an upsetting session where my T spent the hour telling me about how I was doing everything wrong, which is not what I needed when I was already in a bad state. I kind of wanted to tell him about how I felt when I talked to him this week but I chickened out. Thankfully he brought it up. He said that he realized that I spend enough time beating myself up on my own and I don't need someone else to beat me up. He said he won't do that anymore and that made me feel good. He also said that my negative attitude towards myself rubs off onto other people and that was part of the reason he took that attitude towards me.

Later on I said something about not having enough self discipline to stick to taking good care of myself, and he said "That's ok, that's what I'm here for." That's one of the nicest things anyone could say to me honestly. I also liked it when he said that I shouldn't feel bad about all my friendships not working out because I'm just at a point right now where they're not going to work out. Forgiveness and acceptance...that's what I've been missing. I hope he can be a positive influence in my life and help me with my issues.

[lbdrox]

Originally Posted by hezaa82

wow I'm actually posting something positive lol

I had a really good session with my T last night. Last week I posted about how I'd had an upsetting session where my T spent the hour telling me about how I was doing everything wrong, which is not what I needed when I was already in a bad state. I kind of wanted to tell him about how I felt when I talked to him this week but I chickened out. Thankfully he brought it up. He said that he realized that I spend enough time beating myself up on my own and I don't need someone else to beat me up. He said he won't do that anymore and that made me feel good. He also said that my negative attitude towards myself rubs off onto other people and that was part of the reason he took that attitude towards me.

Later on I said something about not having enough self discipline to stick to taking good care of myself, and he said "That's ok, that's what I'm here for." That's one of the nicest things anyone could say to me honestly. I also liked it when he said that I shouldn't feel bad about all my friendships not working out because I'm just at a point right now where they're not going to work out. Forgiveness and acceptance...that's what I've been missing. I hope he can be a positive influence in my life and help me with my issues.

Looks like both of you are doing good work! He sounds like he knows what he's talking about; you're very lucky to have him.

[Sannah]

Hi hezaa, I have answered your threads before and just now I went through a lot of your other threads. Did you just change T's? What I noticed with your other T was that it didn't seem that you had worked through growing up with your family? I also noticed that you mentioned a few times in these threads that you thought you could work things out with your family? From what you wrote about your family I would say that you are going to have to heal on your own and not through your family. You can't get orange juice out of apples. It seems that your family is unable to give you what you need because of their own dysfunction. Finally, I noticed that you have a lot of insight into yourself and what happened to you. You mentioned how you needed more guidance and structure and just plain interacting from your parents. I'm a big proponent of child development and when our parents aren't able to give us good child development we need to catch up as adults. So getting better involves doing an inventory of what we didn't develop as children and then working on this stuff.

[pbutton]

That does sound like a good session. such a relief after having an upsetting one.

I think it's really cool that he owned his own stuff. Admitted he made a mistake, apologized and then promised not to do it again, with some follow-through later in the appointment. I found it tremendously healing when my T did that.

[hezaa82]

Sannah, Thanks for reading my posts.

Don't worry, I know that I'm not going to get anything from my family. I gave up on getting anything from them a long time ago, probably as a child. For the last 10 or so years I've just written them off, not really wanted anything to do with them. But recently I've been thinking that's probably holding me back a little so I wanted to try and reconcile with them. But I know they're not going to give me what I need.

The T I'm speaking about here I've been seeing for about 3 months. I wasn't happy with the other T I had been seeing for the last 3 and a half years, and I think changing was a good decision.

Thanks, I do see myself as an insightful person and I like to observe and study things. But my problem is that I never put things into action. I've studied and understand what happened to me, but haven't made a lot of changes >_<;

[Sannah]

Hopefully this T will help you with the changes part. Continue to keep us posted on how you are doing?