A T's Life Experience

Apt -I don't think so either. But she had a list of credentials and had been the chair of a psychology dept. at a local university until she decided to quit and go into private practice.

I am just saying I do not have as much faith in credentials as others (for anything - any number of my colleagues are not people I would deal with and they have plenty of credentials) and the one time I saw one with a lot of them, she was the worst of the ones I have seen. I tend to see ones who have a lot of years of experience, but that is mostly because I am old and require those I see to be older than I am. I don't know what kind of upraising the phd had. Believe the rule if you wish, I was only recounting my experience.

It isn't a question of faith for me; it's a belief in a process of training that, as I said, does not offer a guarantee, but does increase the odds of excluding those who may be less able to adhere to healthy boundaries.

If a therapist having had therapy is important to you, the odds of this being true are also increased if the therapist holds a Doctorate.

All three of the msw.s I have seen had been through their own therapy. I just ask.
But whatever makes it seem as safe as possible to any particular person is okay with me.

It's an interesting question. I've had one T whose life experience I knew nothing about, one T who shared a single traumatic incident with me as a way to normalize my feelings about something that I was really struggling with, and one T who has talked about childhood traumas that resemble some of the traumas that I experienced, in very boundaried and non detailed ways. With my last T, who has shared the most, I find that his life experience is not so similar to mine, because the gender issues make our experiences differences in a lot of ways, in combination with the dynamics of the traumas being quite different. Nonetheless, I think that its somehow helps me to experience the way he talks about them, in ways that show me that he is both emotionally connected to his experience and yet not still scarred by it. I can both tell that he is "over" it and still able to relate to both his own and my experience. He shows me that you don't have to be obsessed with your past, nor do you need to shy away from it. That is what I appreciate about the personal things he shared with me-- not the information per se, which is in fact very little in detail-- but he *shows* me healing and hope and makes it believable.

One phd i saw had 1000 teddy bears in her office. All of them staring right at the client. I didn't even stay for one appointment. Degree is necessary but not sufficient.

I went to one with stuffed animals. It creeped me out.
And I have more than one (more than one area) advanced degree. Perhaps that is why I don't see them as being any big deal. If I could do it, then so could anyone else.

I don't think it's necessary for a T to have experienced all the problems I want to work on in order to be effective. But I have found it enriching and helpful that my T has gone through some of what I have wanted to work on. Also, it seems good modeling to me, that I can look up to someone who went through certain things and handled them with grace and health or at least came out "healthy" on the other side (this was a big worry of mine, that I would be "destroyed" by passing through challenging life events). I think it would be impossible for a client to find a T who was an exact "match" to themselves in terms of life experiences, and I didn't look for this, and don't think it necessary. One of my big therapy issues was to get through a failing marriage, divorce, etc. I didn't know my T was divorced when I first went to see him, but later it emerged and it turned out to be a positive. He is a bit older than I am and has been through some of the same events that occur in this life stage, like marriage/divorce/remarriage, taking care of elderly parents, experiencing the death of a parent, etc. All of these things have been helpful to me. When he was younger, he had more clients with experiences that were "younger." It is like his interests in helping people have followed his own maturation through life stages. When he was younger, he worked much more with youth, young adults, etc. I would find it hard to get therapy from someone 20+ years younger than I am just because they haven't passed through the same life stages. They just don't have the same "seasoning" and insights.

I don't have a bias against therapists with only a master's degree. I think as long as they have worked on their "stuff" and done their own healing, it will not negatively impact therapy or me.

I also tend to agree with stopdog--I also have an advanced degree so perhaps that is why I don't see them as any big deal. If you want to work like a dog for 5-10 years, you can get your PhD.

WOW so many responses! Thank you ((((everyone))))) for sharing your thoughts! I have a few thoughts:

1. My T is a PhD.

2. Letters after the name don't mean anything (however I picked my T because of her letters).

3. When someone has MD, PhD etc... after their name it implies that they have went through the education but does not mean they are necessarily excellent at their discipline/craft however I would bet that there are more good than bad Drs. out there and a few that are really, really, excellent. Just as there are more good vs. bad MSW's etc....

4. My asking the question I think is about me wishing I had more of a connection with my T to help 'cure me'. In the outpatient program there were a few T's that really got me and were excellent. I wish one of them had an individual practice. I think on some level my T doesn't 'get it' but she 'gets me' in so many other ways.

5. On the subject of experience of abuse... I think a client can sometimes feel real empathy from a T with the said experience vs. a T without said experience. If a client is seeking empathy that can be a good thing (not saying a T should disclose their own personal experience I just think it can make a difference in a good way).

Oh dear me, yes. (That is, if I could do it, so could absolutely anybody.) As I said before, the main reason it matters to me is that it means T can relate to what I'm talking about. But yes, even though anybody can get the degree provided they put in a few years' hard work, it's not irrelevant that they were in fact interested enough to put in those years. But the qualifications system is different in my country anyway, because psychotherapist is a protected title, and you must have a licence in order to work as a T.

I highly doubt my T has been through what I have been through. However, I do know that she had a counselor help her through some issues, and that is why she wanted to become a counselor, to help others like she was helped.

As far as degrees are concerned, my first T had a PHD from a very good school. I did not like her. My current T has a MA, and she is far better than my first T. It is funny...I sought out my first T because she had a PHD, but now, I would never avoid a T just because she only has a MA. In fact, if for some reason I ever have to go to another T, I'd probably seek out an experienced MA T over a PHD just because of my experiences.

My T tends to share a lot of personal narratives with me. I know that he does not have the same issues that I do and I'm okay with that. I also know that he's far from perfect himself, which makes him more relatable in my eyes. He doesn't pretend to always have it together himself which is actually refreshing for me. I'm not sure if that makes sense or not.

I wish I knew more about my T's life experience. I get the sense that she has struggled, though I have no idea in what way or if her experience bears any similarity to mine. Recently I've been thinking a lot about asking her if she's ever dealt with things that are similar to my concerns. But I'm wary of crossing a boundary, so I haven't yet. I think it could be beneficial, because there are definitely ways that she talks about parts of my experience that make me cringe, and think that there's no way she's ever experienced this.

As for the degree thing. I have a PhD too, and initially found it important to see a T with a doctorate. Looking back though, I'm not sure how much it really matters. I saw my degree program as a series of jumping through hoops that didn't necessarily prepare me well for my future career. Guess I haven't realized how biased I might be about assuming T's program was similar

IMAGINARY CONVERSATION:

Patient: You don't know what it's like!
T: No, and I never can. But you can tell me.

You know, sometimes it makes me sad to tell them. I don't know why. I don't know if the sadness is for them or me.

You do have to be licensed in most states to hold yourself out as a psychotherapist. Different states have different requirements.

(((elliemay))) I think the sadness can be in actually hearing ourselves say it out loud. For me it makes it feel more real to hear the words come out of my mouth. It has taken me a while to 'feel' the emotions behind my experiences. When I first told my T about what happened as a child it was difficult to 'share my secret' however I felt detached from what I experienced. I felt more nervous about talking to my T not about what I experienced necessarily.

Now a days (5 years later) to hear those words come out of my mouth feel more profound than ever. I feel a deep sense of sadness and mourning. It feels like to me what I did experience really isn't 'normal' and I have a right to be angry, hurt, sad etc...

I've felt this acutely. At first it was sadness for me, and that was appropriate. But I noticed that as our relationship deepened, my feelings started to shift. It peaked during/after his illness. I know he doesn't see it this way, but there's a part of me that wishes now that I could take back that sadness that he held for me for so many years.

That might be worth pursuing.

maybe both.
when i started therapy and was so clueless about the process, T1 would ask me endless questions about my FOO and I remember looking at her and saying, why do you want to hear this? It's not YOUR family. No, she admitted, but it's yours. It just seemed so bizarre to me that she would want anyone to recount all that **** and especially about people she had never met. IRL you tell people family stuff & it goes in one ear and right out the other.

that was phase I. Phase II was when I started trying to imagine what it must be like to sit there and listen - attentively - to stories of abuse, abandonment, neglect, and worse, every day, every week. No wonder they burn out.

Phase III was when I finally realized that the story I was telling was MY story. Not just a story, told with no feelings (I had buried my feelings long years before). This was my story.

That is where I'm at right now! (((SAWE))) processing the emotions with the events that took place.

to you too.
I wish I had a different story. Maybe someone would like to trade.

I think CE has a point here- even if our Ts went through the same things in their lives they might have felt it differently- no guarantee that they know what it was like for you. Being abused as a child- there are so many ways to overcome this and everyone should choose/find the way that suits them best. Plus telling your T about it IS part of the healing.
I'd never intentionally choose a T with the same life history- that's why I pick a 20 years older male. My T is not a blank slate T, he answers my Qs about his personal life, just facts though no feelings. I think he has lead a normal life and is quite happy now and I do wish him the best- selfishly, cause I wouldn't be able to do therapy (i.e. concentrate on myself for the 50 mins) if I thought he's dealing with stg in his life. I need my T to be OK.

BTW title was important for me when picking a T- I don't think MA are any worse than PhD- but there's a certain level of commitment in it and I didn't know anything about the Ts so I started with the ones with the highest qualifications and went from there. In my country any psychotherapist (MA/PhD) must undergo additional 5 years of individual/group therapy and supervision- so it is a bit different...

My T had what I would have considered an ideal childhood from my perspective. Dad was a doctor, lots of money 2.4 kids, white picket fence, college was paid for etc. But the truth is he had his own struggles, things like this are relative.

That is what I had. (not dr. but successful business guy, without the .4 kid)(we did have a pet). And I agree I have no real reason to whine.