[franki_j]

TW: Mention of sex

T and I had been talking about what the term "queer" means, since that is how I identify. So we were talking about it a little and she started saying something like "So I guess it can describe a whole spectrum of sexual preferences: gay, lesbian, bisexual, being into S&M..." And then I interrupted her and started talking about how the manager of the strip club I used to work at was really into S&M and every night out of the month we would have a BDSM night. I never participated and at first I was freaked out but then I kind of got used to seeing all the "activities."
So after I told my T this, she asked "Are you into S&M? Were you ever curious when you watched what was going on in the club?" And the thing is, I totally was! I have never tried it before, but I am really into the idea of being submissive and role-playing,etc. But I was WAY too embarrassed to admit this to her, even though she was being totally non-judgemental and told me "It's OK if you are, people have all kinds of different preferences." Like is she psychic??? But I still denied it.
Anyways, now I feel kind of guilty about lying to my T. I have never been dishonest with her before but that question caught me completely off guard and is something I would never have dreamt of discussing with T or having her ask about, even though we do talk about sex sometimes.
I am thinking about emailing her and telling her that yes, I am turned on by it, but I don't want to talk about it with her and am only telling her for the sake of being completely honest.

Sometimes I wish my T wasn't so wise/intuitive!!!!

Originally Posted by franki_j

TW: Mention of sex

T and I had been talking about what the term "queer" means, since that is how I identify. So we were talking about it a little and she started saying something like "So I guess it can describe a whole spectrum of sexual preferences: gay, lesbian, bisexual, being into S&M..." And then I interrupted her and started talking about how the manager of the strip club I used to work at was really into S&M and every night out of the month we would have a BDSM night. I never participated and at first I was freaked out but then I kind of got used to seeing all the "activities."
So after I told my T this, she asked "Are you into S&M? Were you ever curious when you watched what was going on in the club?" And the thing is, I totally was! I have never tried it before, but I am really into the idea of being submissive and role-playing,etc. But I was WAY too embarrassed to admit this to her, even though she was being totally non-judgemental and told me "It's OK if you are, people have all kinds of different preferences." Like is she psychic??? But I still denied it.
Anyways, now I feel kind of guilty about lying to my T. I have never been dishonest with her before but that question caught me completely off guard and is something I would never have dreamt of discussing with T or having her ask about, even though we do talk about sex sometimes.
I am thinking about emailing her and telling her that yes, I am turned on by it, but I don't want to talk about it with her and am only telling her for the sake of being completely honest.

Sometimes I wish my T wasn't so wise/intuitive!!!!

I am wondering why this is so important for you to tell your t this?
Is it because you want to talk about it without being judged or is it something you think your t is interested in, the reason I ask is because you have mentioned before that you like your t as in attracted to her.
I could be totally off base here Frankie_J but I am just curious.

[(JD)]

Sounds like a good plan to me.

[franki_j]

Originally Posted by button30

I am wondering why this is so important for you to tell your t this?
Is it because you want to talk about it without being judged or is it something you think your t is interested in, the reason I ask is because you have mentioned before that you like your t as in attracted to her.
I could be totally off base here Frankie_J but I am just curious.

Hi button30. I actually think of my T as more like a mother figure. I think the attraction part is really peripheral and just something that arises because I am so curious about her and our relationship is very emotionally intimate.
It is important to tell my T this because I feel like I lied to her when I said it wasn't something I am interested in, and I am never dishonest with her. Maybe it would come up later if we talk more in-depth about sex, but for now the only reason I would want to tell her is that I don't like being dishonest with her and I feel like I was.

[Victoria'smom]

I hate when T's are psychic. Don't feel guilty but if it comes up again try to be honest.

Originally Posted by franki_j

Hi button30. I actually think of my T as more like a mother figure. I think the attraction part is really peripheral and just something that arises because I am so curious about her and our relationship is very emotionally intimate.
It is important to tell my T this because I feel like I lied to her when I said it wasn't something I am interested in, and I am never dishonest with her. Maybe it would come up later if we talk more in-depth about sex, but for now the only reason I would want to tell her is that I don't like being dishonest with her and I feel like I was.

Then I think you should email her and tell her and maybe you would feel comfortable discussing it at your next session. I think you are right about t sensing your interest in it and she was just keeping a space for you in case you wanted to discuss it with her.
The t relationship is sooo confusing because it is so intimate, probably the most intimate relationship we will ever have but unfortunately its noe sided. I wish you luck in being honest with her

I want throw out a caution.
Have you ever been angry at your T?
Revelations have a way of making you feel insecure at those times.
Since this is a dominace submissive relational dynamic. It can transfer over intp the therapeutic relationship and cause trust issues.
But hey, if you're ok with it...go for it.

[QuietCat]

I think letting her know by email is a good idea too.

In past sessions with T I've lied to him when he asks me things about sex, just because I didn't want him to judge me. And last session I felt bad about it because he came up with a conclusion about me that was wrong because he didn't have all the pieces of the puzzle. I felt bad about it and wrote out a letter to him that includes the info I haven't told him.

[Nightlight]

Since your T was asking in such a non judgmental way, you could always tell her that she's fantastically intuitive sometimes, and that you've never lied to her before so you wanted to correct something. She asked a question that you weren't ready to discuss and it caught you off guard and so you denied it, but you still don't feel ready to say anything further about it. You just wanted to make sure you hadn't been dishonest with her, and you could leave it at that.

[mixedup_emotions]

My T tends to be more focused on the process rather than the content....so I think it would definitely be worthwhile to express the feelings that you have around the exchange, as it could lead to some valuable insights about how you deal with uncomfortable situations/topics.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by franki_j

But I still denied it.
Anyways, now I feel kind of guilty about lying to my T. I have never been dishonest with her before but that question caught me completely off guard and is something I would never have dreamt of discussing with T or having her ask about, even though we do talk about sex sometimes.
I am thinking about emailing her and telling her that yes, I am turned on by it, but I don't want to talk about it with her and am only telling her for the sake of being completely honest.

It's never too late to tell your T the truth.

[CantExplain]

I think it's important to remember that S&M is not bullying. It's a game.

[franki_j]

Originally Posted by nothingtolivefor

I want throw out a caution.
Have you ever been angry at your T?
Revelations have a way of making you feel insecure at those times.
Since this is a dominace submissive relational dynamic. It can transfer over intp the therapeutic relationship and cause trust issues.
But hey, if you're ok with it...go for it.

While I do think the T/client relationship relies on a very delicate power balance b/w T and client, I don't think this is what is going on in this situation. It really is just a matter of me being embarrassed to disclose something to her and therefore not being honest about it.

Originally Posted by Nightlight

Since your T was asking in such a non judgmental way, you could always tell her that she's fantastically intuitive sometimes, and that you've never lied to her before so you wanted to correct something. She asked a question that you weren't ready to discuss and it caught you off guard and so you denied it, but you still don't feel ready to say anything further about it. You just wanted to make sure you hadn't been dishonest with her, and you could leave it at that.

Hi nightlight. Thanks for this, you took the words right out of my mouth.