What happens to us if the money runs out?

"fundamental recognition that we exist alone" is interesting. I think sometimes this is the fundamental recognition but other times human interconnectedness is just as fundamental. Both hurt or feel good at different times. If a relationship with a therapist leans toward hurt consistently, there are other ways to focus one's attention, and other therapists.

And yet it seems that one of the other functions of therapy is just the opposite. Some kind of whackjob (to me) "People who need people are the luckiest people in the world", let people in, let people support you etc.
For myself, I am quite willing to go with the we exist alone. I believe that is true. It is the part where other people are not only supposed to be useful to me in some fashion, but the therapist seems to think it therapeutic to try to get me to rely upon her that I find most perplexing. None of this is only one big thing in my opinion, nor is it black and white.

This sounds like my therapy. Right now I am working on "I don't have to let people in, but I don't have to push them away either." I figure it's worth a shot. I already know how to be the way I am now. I can go back to it if this doesn't work out.

I fear not being able to get back if it does not work out. The therapist once said she "promised" I would. But hell, she can't even keep a promise that her dog won't be there, how on earth is she supposed to think her promising something she not only has no control over, but that is that important to me - is something that is useful to me?

Ha! The only valid use of the word promise is by actors in soap operas. And makers of margarine.

It is not a word I think therapists should use.
And I don't eat margarine.
Maybe I don't think it is a word anyone should use.

I figure I was smart and strong enough to build these defenses when I was 3-6 years old. I can certainly do it again with adult experience and resources. Little tiny pbutton was certainly a little bad a s s, but I should at the very least be able to imitate her.

Good luck. I don't have your confidence in the matter. I think of as being like I am performing surgery on myself and the therapist is saying no worries, if you accidentally take out a working kidney instead of just that small little non- malignant wart, it is not a big deal.
And I am certain -No matter what I do, I won't get that kidney back, and it is a big deal to me.

I don't think they're opposite impulses. I don't think we can be interconnected and equal until we've recognized our aloneness. Then it becomes a free choice, rather than a choice dictated by past experience. I don't think being bonded is any better state than being solitary, but I think the ability to make the choice freely and be equally comfortable either way is the ideal.

Sounds more than a bit grasshopper-ish, but there it is.

Like Pandora's box? Of defenses? Maybe the delusion is that they were ever really effective.

Feralkitty, you're making me want to not die alone. Now to work on not living alone...

I just don't think everyone has difficulty with the aloneness part. Some do, some don't. Not everyone has difficulty with the other people as useful part.
Not everyone has difficulty with either part.

Of course not. Though I suspect the percentage may be higher among those in therapy?

Feralkitty, you're making me want to not die alone. Now to work on not living alone...

Hankster, is this a good thing? I have to admit, I'm more comfortable with the reality of living alone than with the thought of dying alone.

And I cannot even imagine what good someone else would do by being there if I am dying (unless of course they have control of the pain meds or something like that). It will be alone either way as I am the only one dying. Even if I am dying with someone else, it is each ours alone.

Feral, I never even considered the possibility of not being alone. But what you said about making it an equal choice not predetermined by the past, really touched me.

Prat is arse? So now I have a clearer sense of what a pratfall is. Thanks.