[photostotake]

I'm dealing with some pretty serious stuff with my T right now. While discussing a conversation I had with my DH a few days ago, I inadvertently brought up something I didn't mean to. This is something I have wanted to talk to my T about eventually, just not yet as it will open up a whole new can of worms. But now that it's out, he said the puzzle is all starting to fit together. So, it was probably good in the long run, but now I feel horrible. It feels like a part of me is way too exposed now that he knows this piece of me. I want to take it all back. I hate 'ripping off the band aids' as he likes to call it.

[sittingatwatersedge]

you (consciously) didn't mean to, but you (unconsciously) felt the need to say it, or it wouldn't have come out.

feeling sick over what you said is pretty normal around here from what I gather (myself included). but it will be OK. Give yourself credit for being brave.

[healed84]

Yep.. I did. Not unitentionally really.. I just hadn't planned on telling him anytime soon though. However, it is the best thing I could have done as far as my therapy goes.

[BlessedRhiannon]

Sigh - yeah - I seem to do that all the time. Especially when we first started out and I was trying to be so careful about what I told her. It happens less now, because I'm more comfortable with her and don't watch everything I say.

Usually, I'd freak out, email T and tell her I was freaking out. T would reply back that she's honored that I trusted her with the information and that it's okay and that she understands that I feel vulnerable. Then, I'd go in next session, feeling totally vulnerable, either have a panic attack, or tell T I'm about to panic, and T would help ground me and then we'd talk about whatever I told her. Or, if I wasn't ready, we'd just table it and T or I would bring it up in a few sessions.

I accidentally said something I think is huge, a secret I planned to take to my grave. It's wasn't something I was getting to get to at some point. I was NEVER telling anyone about this. I realized as it came out of my mouth what I had done and kept talking and pretended like that had not happened. My T didn't react at all, and didn't mention it at the time. Several sessions later, he mentioned it in the context of something else, so he WAS actually listening. Overall, though, I will say that it was a good thing that happened. This is truly something I find SO shameful that in the whole world, only one person other than my T knows about this thing. My T acts like it's not a big thing and not something I need to be violently ashamed of.

[DelusionsDaily]

I don't think I have ever told T something I didn't mean to. I tell her whatever is going on no matter what or she can't help me.

[photostotake]

Thanks everyone. I just can't get over the feeling like I've royally messed up. It really is something I had planned on bringing up with him someday. I wanted to bring something up that my DH shared with me that I really wish he hadn't. Ironic, huh? Even my T agrees, I could have gone a lifetime without knowing what my mother shared with my DH during their conversation the other day. Thanks mom (and DH too), I appreciate it.

What's done is done. I do know that it's better that he knows, but it still hurts too much right now. Only two people in the world know and that's two people too many as far as I'm concerned.

Thanks again.

[unaluna]

Something like that a) is a burden and b) very telling about your r/s I think. About how the other people think of you or treat you. It will give your t a lot of insight about them. I think you did good. Also IME these burden type revelations are best shared with T, not dumped on us poor dumb kids by clueless parents. Yeah totally things I did not want or need to know. And I'm kinda mad at your mom for dragging your H into it. What was she thinking?? Boundaries, mom!! He's your H, not hers.

he said the puzzle is all starting to fit together. So, it was probably good in the long run, but now I feel horrible. It feels like a part of me is way too exposed now that he knows this piece of me. I want to take it all back. I hate 'ripping off the band aids' as he likes to call it.

i do this more often with t, so i am of the opinion it probably needs to get out. i hate it, but in some small ways it really helps not to feel so alone with something. however, i really understand the exposed feeling. i feel like i want to crawl inside myself when it is happening. you are not alone

sending safe hugs

[precious things]

Originally Posted by photostotake

This is something I have wanted to talk to my T about eventually, just not yet as it will open up a whole new can of worms. But now that it's out, he said the puzzle is all starting to fit together.

I know it feels like hell now but your T took what you shared and is using it to help in your treatment. There will always be an ick factor with whatever secrets we hold but you deserve to heal and have the help of your T. The only way that can happen is if you are able to reveal yourself as honestly as you can. At least now with it out there it can be dealt with you won't have the worry of "how" to bring it up.

[CantExplain]

I tend to keep a tight control on the agenda. My T wishes I wouldn't.
She would love it if I told her something I wasn't planning to.

["Tilly may"]

during NLP i told my therapist stuff that I regret telling her. I feel ashamed. I appreciate how you are feeling.

[photostotake]

Thanks again everyone for your insight. Now that I've had some time to think about it, I do think it's probably okay that he knows. I still feel icky about it and even worse that I know the information that my mom shared with my DH. Trying to see the positive in this somehow, but it's really hard to. Good thing I'm in therapy.