[CantExplain]

She told me off for terminating by email . “It devalues our relationship. You should always do that in person.”

At first glance this sounds silly, but I can see her point. She’s saying, “Don’t stab me in the back. Look me in the eye and stab me.” I can understand that. I would feel the same.

There is in fact a reason I stabbed her in the back. When I was left the Bad Group, I said right at the start of the session: “I’m leaving the group and this is my first termination session.” They told me I couldn’t do that. If I announce my departure this session, the next session is termination session one.

I didn’t trust my own T not to pull the same stunt, so I emailed her setting out the termination schedule. She was right. I was disrespecting our relationship. The baleful influence of the Bad Group reaches beyond the grave.

I told her I was still upset about not her supporting me over my daughter in October.

Me: I can forgive you that, but it will only happen again. I have lost faith that you will support me in the way I want to be supported.
T: In that case, you are right to seek another therapist.

So that’s that. But is it really what I wanted to hear?

[stopdog]

I would not consider it as serious as stabbing someone in the back. But therapists do often seem to like the in person thing. I think because they get paid.
I am sorry she did not say what you wanted to hear. Do you have another appointment with her? Or was this the last? I am still confused about that

[Wren_]

my thoughts: are you wanting her to change, say she will support you and beg you to stay?

or are you really believing this is it

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I would not consider it as serious as stabbing someone in the back. But therapists do often seem to like the in person thing. I think because they get paid.
I am sorry she did not say what you wanted to hear. Do you have another appointment with her? Or was this the last? I am still confused about that

She's got me "bang to rights" on that one. She has told me twice before not to terminate by email. And now I feel guilty but I can't apologise because I'm not allowed to send emails. I shall have to sweat it out.

I really don't know what I want to hear. (But my next thread may provide some clues.)

Three more sessions to go.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by tigergirl

my thoughts: are you wanting her to change, say she will support you and beg you to stay?

or are you really believing this is it

Probably both... Feelings don't have to be consistent.

Thanks for the hug!

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

She's got me "bang to rights" on that one. She has told me twice before not to terminate by email. And now I feel guilty but I can't apologise because I'm not allowed to send emails. I shall have to sweat it out.

I really don't know what I want to hear. (But my next thread may provide some clues.)

Three more sessions to go.

Well, she can't make you attend a final appointment. I suppose I understand why you might want to do so, but she can't make you come. And if you are really leaving her, what is she going to do you if you send an email? Get rid of you? I want to tell you she is not the boss of you. I know that is my issue and not yours. If it is useful for you, then I hope it goes well.
I do hope she helps you with some closure. It sounds hard.

[Wren_]

so true ... figured a hug could be needed these are hard decisions you are facing

All of this "stabbing" sounds Shakespearean, or something along those lines. More of a reason for this...

(Oh, I just saw you quoted Ophelia, so perhaps another reason I thought of Shakespeare. )

I am very sorry that you have been hurt and that things have gotten so complicated. I know if I were in your shoes I would have many mixed feelings.

["Tilly may"]

This is so intense with her. I can sense your strong feelings and know that this is all very difficult. You are asking her to be something, but Im not sure that she can or is able do it. Maybe she is afraid to write it down. Maybe she has feelings about your relationship with her and she is afraid to document anything that might suggest her being unprofessional. So even if she wanted to write the letter, maybe she just cant.

triple hugs
C

hugs
Cyn

[ECHOES]

but it will only happen again.

With anyone. We are humans and we let people down sometimes. Other times we don't.

[WikidPissah]

I really hope that you get good closure on this CE, and I hope a future T is more your style. Good luck.

CE, Is this it? is this your final decision- to terminate? If so I wish you the best of luck
I have noticed a lot of resistance towards your t lately, maybe it is time to start afresh?

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Me: I can forgive you that, but it will only happen again. I have lost faith that you will support me in the way I want to be supported.
T: In that case, you are right to seek another therapist.

I would add -

Me: Can you explain why you refuse to support me the way I want to be supported? Help me understand that you are not doing this out of malice, because it feels like you are and that hurts me and makes me want to run away.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

She told me off for terminating by email . “It devalues our relationship. You should always do that in person.”

So you met with her after terminating by email? It seems like that is a chance to say the things it sounds like she wishes you would have said and she would have said if you had terminated in person? So she got her chance to see you in person after your email termination? I'm a little confused, but it sounds like you did meet with her and got to discuss this. I do agree with her about terminating in person, at least as far as my own T goes. I would never terminate by email with him because of our long and valued relationship. I would honor our relationship and all we had gone through together by telling him in person. But I know not everyone has that kind of a relationship with their T. It almost sounds as if she thought you had a stronger relationship than you did. She expected you to honor that by terminating in person, but to you, it was not so important and you didn't value or honor the relationship as much as she did, so you were OK to just do it by email. So maybe she was a little taken aback you valued the relationship so little, or at least less than she. That is one interpretation.

I don't really understand all the stabbing talk.

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Me: I can forgive you that, but it will only happen again. I have lost faith that you will support me in the way I want to be supported.
T: In that case, you are right to seek another therapist.

So that’s that. But is it really what I wanted to hear?

I don't know. What did you want to hear? You terminated her so you might be glad she agrees you should see someone else? But if you were not glad to hear that, maybe you didn't really want to terminate?