Loordy, Lourdy the COUCH is 40....

I feel it is hard to be vunerable without surrender and I feel abilty to show vulnerability will bring honesty and healing.

Can I say that I am a little confused as to what power one would surrender, or that the T would have over the client. The only power I could see a T having over me is if I were in some sort of court ordered therapy. I don't think that I would be doing any of this if I thought that my T held some authority or power over me, and I most certainly don't feel powerful over him. It seems that I am missing something, but I don't really know what it is.

Congrats on couch 39 win Lola

I am at a stupid cancer group again. Hoping this isn't as stupid as the Sunday group.

Surrender... brings two different things to mind for me... one is like in a war...you surrender and you have to give up your freedom your land...your power...

the other is like a mental surrender.. its choosing to surrender...its like okay I've thought this way my whole life... I'm not sure you are right and I most likely think you are wrong... but I'm choosing to decide you are right for now and see how it works for me... if it doesn't work after a time... I will choose a different option... so you can surrender without giving up power...or thats how I choose to think about it...

SD,

I used to ride horses a lot. I was working with the beautiful palomino quarter horse one afternoon and he was just stubbed up, fussy, and spooky. I kept trying to get his to relax and stretch into, but he wasn't having any of it. I was very frustrated and did something I was taught to never do.

I took him out in the field, let him control the bit and said, "okay, take me where you want to go".

I had no idea what would happen. He could've taken off, he could've just stood there, but he started walking. We walked into the woods, and I was still letting him lead the way,.

I know we walked for 45 minutes.

He ended up taking me to a place on the farm I had never been before. It was gorgeous - a natural lake I didn't even know was.

After that, I never had any problems with him again. He became my horse of choice for just about anything.

All because I surrendered to him at the right moment. We became partners. Collaborators.

I could trust him and he could trust me.

That's the power of surrender I think.

Tell everyone your pocket Lola says hi...LOL

In that case, it is the therapist's job to surrender to the client.

I do not consider that surrender - more like a truce. I would say I will consider you are not completely wrong rather than that the therapist is right.

I think what Lola is saying is, it is no longer win-lose, it can become win-win. The point of her stmt was "without feeling defeated". You can SHARE and be vulnerable without feeling defeated. surrender in a good way (it is possible).

I don't consider that surrender. And with the first one I see it would not be possible for her to not seeing it as submission. I am fine with anyone submitting, surrendering, and being vulnerable to a therapist if you think it is good for you. I don't see it as good for me.

Nice story.

Hate to think what my horse would have done in that situation though!

Yes... its like a mental truce... I can know I've thought a certain way for years and its not working for me.. meaning I'm not having the desired results I want... my T may suggest another way of seeing or thinking of it... at first I'm like NO WAY... or "yeah right" but then I think...okay I will consider you are not wrong.... and I will think of it that way for now... like trying it on for size...

There is an amount of "giving up" or not being stubborn involved in doing that but I think of it as trying out a new hypothesis... it has to prove itself overtime... or I throw out that way of thinking...

I wish you well with it.

In a truce situation, the therapist has to agree to parts of it also for it to work for me. The first one I see has agreed not to talk for example. I find it more useful when the therapist does not tell me what they think unless I ask.

I would love to see my xT try to do that... I think he would have turned red and exploded... from the mental accumulation of words.

Your truce would have benefitted me alot with xT.

Recently I've told my T not to comment on certain things. I've found that it can be helpful.

That's exactly what she says. (Are you reading from a textbook? )
I'm pretty sure I don't want that at the price it is likely to cost me.

That might be a good thing to have when I retire, but at this stage in my life I need to be a fighter.

I'd rather learn how to win than learn how to lose.

, Wiki's on youtube...

That's a lovely story.

Maybe I should do some equine therapy. That would certainly be a change!

You chose to given him limited temporary powers. I'm not sure that is what Lola is talking about.

Oho! An excellent response. Why should I surrender to T if she never surrenders to me? She did surrender once, eight years ago. But never since.

She's not teaching me to surrender. She's just trying to beat me.

Yes you have power by relinquishing the power.

I've looked for a win-win solution with my T. No good. We've run out of common ground.

Evening couchers. Having a job that requires 8 full hours a day is pretty much a drag. No couch time. There is a lot of work to be done to whip these accounts and sales people into shape, and my staff. Tomorrow is company bible study, it is not mandatory, but the company will provide lunch if you attend. Can I just get the sandwich and not the preaching? Apparently not. Life in the Bible Belt.

OK. I can accept that. But that's not what I'm hearing from my T. She's not explaining it very well. In fact, my T has never been a good explainer.

Convert to Islam, get fired, and sue them for every penny they've got!

But seriously, it's good to hear you're getting to grips with your new job.