My T is a cold b****

Very wise words. Thank you.

I completely agree, but how do you draw the line with regard to a needed push to get a client moving? I think my T has gone over the line right now, but I would be lying if I didn't see the wisdom in an occasional push or dose of hard truth.

GOOD QUESTION! Hmmmmm

...several minutes later....

FIRST ANSWER: If you feel pressure to respond, instead of freedom to say yes or no or maybe, I wonder if it's too much of a push.

SECOND ANSWER: I agree pushes are sometimes helpful. My problem is I think they are risky. They may be helpful, but that's different from being "needed." My sense of myself is I eventually get there myself, and have learned some things along the way that I wouldn't have learned if I did it on the therapist's time frame. I want to be the person who makes the erroneous judgement, rather than the therapist, if an error is going to be made.

I remember one time I was pushed by circumstances and revealed something to a s/w I wasn't ready to reveal. She handled it wonderfully, but it was too much too soon and poisoned things and caused me all kinds of craziness (not severe craziness, just unpleasant).

Also, while one the one hand it may be good to be "pushed" on some issues, it can also make the client more dependent on the therapist. It can be an issue of the push being good for the substance of therapy, but not for the process.

Perhaps talking about "I recognize that sometimes a push is helpful, but I'm not feeling safe and I'm feeling pressure to do something I'm not feeling ready to do. HOw do I know if this is a good "push" or a bad "push." or perhaps "I'm really feeling pushed. Why do you think this is so important to push me on" and see if the response resonates with you.

I hope this works out. I hear how thoughtful and responsible you are working to be in handling this, and being confused about the best decision, and feeling uncomfortable about the circumstances, and still taking the time and strength to struggle with handling this in a healthy manner.

My jaw nearly dropped at this statement. Your T needs to learn how to relate to YOU, not the other way around. If they can't, then you have to move on. I say this even though I am T shopping and it is a terrible experience. I'm sure that in time, though, I will have taken something away from their differing styles and approaches with me just during the "interview." You may gain some perspective on this horrible relationship with current T.