[1stepatatime]

Okay, can anyone tell me how you can tell if there is counter transference going on? I feel very supported by my therapist and safe...but I noticed tonight that she had some difficulty maintaining eye contact with me....a little tension perhaps. When I touched my hair she did the same(to her own, of course)I'm very observant. Any input by both experienced clients and therapists as well would be very much appreciated....thanks! I would like to add that I am not upset or worried but just very curious

[ReddClay]

What you described is mirroring. People do it subconsciously usually when they like someone. The person opposite you will adopt the same pose as you, or fold their arms the same way you do, etc. Your T probably does it out of attunemwnt. Mine has done it a few times (I am observant, too). Mostly out of his chair though when I am coming or going. He holds pretty still in his T chair!

[1stepatatime]

Originally Posted by ReddClay

What you described is mirroring. People do it subconsciously usually when they like someone. The person opposite you will adopt the same pose as you, or fold their arms the same way you do, etc. Your T probably does it out of attunemwnt. Mine has done it a few times (I am observant, too). Mostly out of his chair though when I am coming or going. He holds pretty still in his T chair!

So what do you think about the inconsistent eye contact? Also, can you explain a little more about " attunement" not quite sure what you are saying....and thank you:-)

[feralkittymom]

I think it's very difficult to be sure that counter transference is active, and what form it takes, without talking about it. And unless it takes on an over riding pattern, rather than just a fleeting instance, I'm not sure it matters.

What I understand of attunement is that it's a way of aligning with another person, physically or emotionally, and is often expressed through the technique of mirroring. It can be conscious, or unconscious. It's supposed to make the client feel validated and at ease. It goes back to how mothers and infants engage, through eye contact and reflecting back expressions.

Not sure your T's eye contact means she was nervous; I don't know how you could know without talking about it.

[tinyrabbit]

I think constant eye contact is unsettling and it's natural not to maintain it all the time.

Agree about mirroring. I've noticed my T and I often sit in the same position for example.

[1stepatatime]

Originally Posted by feralkittymom

I think it's very difficult to be sure that counter transference is active, and what form it takes, without talking about it. And unless it takes on an over riding pattern, rather than just a fleeting instance, I'm not sure it matters.

What I understand of attunement is that it's a way of aligning with another person, physically or emotionally, and is often expressed through the technique of mirroring. It can be conscious, or unconscious. It's supposed to make the client feel validated and at ease. It goes back to how mothers and infants engage, through eye contact and reflecting back expressions.

Not sure your T's eye contact means she was nervous; I don't know how you could know without talking about it.

Thanks for your input...I would like to add that I feel so safe with her...the therapeutic relationship is so complex..wow!! But I am feeling better and more secure just knowing that I can count on her.

[1stepatatime]

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

I think constant eye contact is unsettling and it's natural not to maintain it all the time.

Agree about mirroring. I've noticed my T and I often sit in the same position for example.

Yes, I think that you are correct...constant eye contact is unsettling,,,I didn't think about that! I guess it would be kinda creepy,wouldn't it...lol Thanks!

[ECHOES]

When I have experienced less eye contact than "usual", it seemed to be about my T thinking hard. She usually focuses somewhere else than on me when she is thinking.

It would be good to talk to her about your feelings about this. She is looking at you less, and you are experiencing it the way you experience it (the way we all experience separately). Much to explore - is she even aware she is making less eye contact; does she say there a reason T is doing this; is this something about how you feel connected/disconnected and that internal process; what does making less eye contact mean to you, etc.

[ReddClay]

Originally Posted by feralkittymom

I think it's very difficult to be sure that counter transference is active, and what form it takes, without talking about it. And unless it takes on an over riding pattern, rather than just a fleeting instance, I'm not sure it matters.

What I understand of attunement is that it's a way of aligning with another person, physically or emotionally, and is often expressed through the technique of mirroring. It can be conscious, or unconscious. It's supposed to make the client feel validated and at ease. It goes back to how mothers and infants engage, through eye contact and reflecting back expressions.

Not sure your T's eye contact means she was nervous; I don't know how you could know without talking about it.

I agree with this re: attunment. Not sure what was up with her eye contact either.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by 1stepatatime

Okay, can anyone tell me how you can tell if there is counter transference going on?

My T just tells me. It kind of disarms it if it is openly acknowledged.

When I break eye contact with someone, it can be because I need a moment to think and don't want to be distracted by looking at the other person. It's a way of getting a little space for myself so I can ponder something, all without leaving the room or isolating. It may just take a few seconds, but it can be helpful to me.