Pushing back appointments. Did I do this?

So I've only been to 3 sessions ever, but every time I go, I tell T that I dont want to be there and I'd prefer to meet less since I wasn't comfortable with the whole thing. Well now all of a sudden T has pushed back my next appointment week by week. I know the first time she said it was for personal reasons, which is fine, but it has now been pushed back 2 more times making it well over a month and a half between my last appointment and the next. I worry because if I dont start going, insurance wont pay for my hospital bills. I'm way too antisocial to ask her whats shes doing (its not my business anyways). Do you think she is actually listening to me when I tell her I'd rather not meet anymore? She knows I am being forced to meet every week. Or at least that I am supposed to.

Another thing is does anyone have any tips that would make this whole process easier? I feel bad being stubborn like a child. Its probably just incredibly irritating for T to work with me. I do have things I could talk about, but it would probably make me feel bad enough to go home and start SI again. So I'm kinda stuck and getting worried... Help/advice would be much appreciated!

Everything familiar ... began as something as something unfamiliar.

It takes time and presence - being there - for it to feel more comfortable. Talking about your expectations and her expectations could help lessen your worries about it. Talking about how hard it is, at the beginning of the session, has made it so that I can talk about something that I wanted to talk about, during that session.

It is more natural to resist that not to resist. It's something we do protectively, and T's know this and are not irritated or upset about it.

I think it's a coincidence that things have come up for her. Asking about this is fine and she would understand any of her patients wondering about it.

It's probably just a coincidence.

you need to tell her again you don't want to be there and need to try to talk to her some how if you can and ask her why she doing that. hang in there pat

I don't like going to mine eather and I am being forced to go talk to mine to by my family I don't think I need to talk to anyone my depression is doing much better then it was when I first seen her and it is helping me and I am also on meds that's helping.