[CantExplain]

It's just occurred to me that being a T is very much like being a foster parent.

They pour their love into their charges, who can be taken from them at any time without warning, without explanation, without appeal.

They need good boundaries, for sure!

Must be hard to be a t, like you say, most of them do care and it can be taken away without warning. It is hard for them because they have no control over it.

[Crashed Again]

How about three and a half years with your T and they give you the bums rush. Heres your new T that isn't really a theripist but a case manager, I am moving see ya. It happened to me, damned near killed me, here today gone tomorrow. I told my T things my wife didn't even know, I finally get a real T this next Wed. I will never get that close to anyone other than a relative again. Your just a job to them.

[stopdog]

I think this is a bit over-romanticized of a view. They are not parents to client and clients are not helpless children.

[ECHOES]

@CE: Yes, and like any parent really, who watches someone they care about grow, and being interested in and encouraging the growth.

@stopdog, I sure feel like a helpless child a lot. And I'm glad for T's presence in my life.

[tinyrabbit]

I think my T feels like the foster parent of a helpless child most sessions...

[WePow]

The relationship of T with Client is unlike any other- from both sides. We are a job but yet we are not just a job. They are paid by us to do what they do... but we give them more than we would ever give anyone else.

[stopdog]

It is unique to the client. It is not unique to the therapist. Clients blur together. No one is all that unique or special for the most part. I am not saying they can't care - I am saying it is not a big deal to therapists and it can be to clients.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by stopdog

It is unique to the client. It is not unique to the therapist. Clients blur together. No one is all that unique or special for the most part. I am not saying they can't care - I am saying it is not a big deal to therapists and it can be to clients.

That's how you feel. I know that goes without saying. But my clients were special to me, even if they didn't feel that way; even if i wasn't that special to them. I think there is something unsafe or something for you in feeling special. So maybe feeling special is unique to the person. I also realize feeling special is a fault, a sort of character defect. But once you grow past that aspect of it, finding a person's unique qualities is always interesting and exciting. Unless they're a bad driver and I have to be their passenger.

[stopdog]

I think of me with my clients and students. I like some, I dislike some, and most are sort of neutral to me. I focus on them when they are with me, and when they are not with me or graduate or move on to their next stage of representation, I move on pretty much without thinking about them. Indeed it is how I see therapists. If it is not one student or client, it will be another for me and for therapists if x is or is not a client, it is just not a big deal. There will be others. And often with the same hangups as x had.

Of course, I do not think of myself as a "charge" into whom a therapist is pouring love either. Super Ack on that.
If you like the notion, have at it.

[unaluna]

Yeah it's strangers I love, it's regular people I can't stand

[content30]

I think it depends on the T. I know several Ts in real life. One is like how Stopdog describes; one is more how CE describes; and the others are quite in the middle. I'm about to start T school. I'm kinda nervous because I do really care about people a lot! I'm certainly going to have to be careful to guard my heart and set good boundaries when I start my internship. I wonder if Ts tend to be attached to their Cs when they start out being Ts and then get more used to the weird relationship...I'm going to ask my T and others about that...hmmm....

[feralkittymom]

Originally Posted by content30

I wonder if Ts tend to be attached to their Cs when they start out being Ts and then get more used to the weird relationship...I'm going to ask my T and others about that...hmmm....

I suspect that it's just the opposite. I think the more inexperienced the T, the firmer the boundaries and more circumscribed the attachment. Becoming more flexible and comfortable with a deeper attachment is a consequence of maturity/security.

This is how it's worked for me as a teacher, and it also fits with my experience with my T. The boundaries can afford to be more permeable, and the attachment experienced more fully because the underlying principles are more firmly established.

[stopdog]

In my experience, it depends on the personality of the person involved. Some friends of mine who are therapists (the ones who aren't gym teachers are msws and lcsws)(a little lesbian humor there) started out super loose and had to tighten up, and some started out all rigid and loosened up. The same with the lawyers I know who now teach.