[precaryous]

My T is great...and we are making progress. But I am having an issue where we don't agree. I don't see where she is coming from. Worse, I don't know what to do about the problem:

My mom died about five years ago. I lived with her and took care of her the best I could until she was admitted to a hospice hospital and died.

At first after her death, I would get awakened hearing my mother call my name- urgently- like something is wrong. It sounds like she is calling me like she needs my help. This has happened many times. Eventually, that stopped, but I began to get awakened with feelings of being poked and touched. No one is there. When I look around at the time, I notice my dog is sleeping, undisturbed.

These events stopped for a while but currently I am being awakened by the touching again. I have told my therapist all about it. My therapist wants to me to think of these events as "reassuring" and "comforting." But they don't feel that way! These events startle me out of sleep and freakin' scare me. I have told that to T, too. I thought "we feel what we feel?" Now it seems she wants me to pretend I'm not scared? Pretend the touch waking me at 3am is comforting?
Recently, the touch woke me feeling like someone was feeling my forehead for fever...but the touch was ice cold!

I'm sorry this sounds so messed up.

1) Has anyone experienced anything similar after a loved one has passed away?
2) Am I missing T's point of view because I just don't understand it.

[anilam]

Yeah, the calling. I also wasn't comforted by it. Thank God I don't believe in afterlife otherwise I'd be freak out the person in question was in pain trying to reach out (that's how it sounded anyway). I talked to T about it, seems to be a pretty common way for ppl to deal with a loss.
Weird that it started happening again... I think you should talk about what it means to you, are there some feelings you haven't dealt with- guilt? Fear?
IMO trying to pretend stg is OK when your body is telling you otherwise is not helpful at all.

[BayBrony]

Originally Posted by precaryous

My T is great...and we are making progress. But I am having an issue where we don't agree. I don't see where she is coming from. Worse, I don't know what to do about the problem:

My mom died about five years ago. I lived with her and took care of here the best I could until she was admitted to a hospice hospital and died.

At first after her death, I would get awakened hearing my mother call my name- urgently- like something is wrong. It sounds like she is calling me like she needs my help. This has happened many times. Eventually, that stopped, but I began to get awakened with feelings of being poked and touched. No one is there. When I look around at the time, I notice my dog is sleeping, undisturbed.

These events stopped for a while but currently I am being awakened by the touching again. I have told my therapist all about it. My therapist wants to me to think of these events as "reassuring" and "comforting." But they don't feel that way! These events startle me out of sleep and freakin' scare me. I have told that to T, too. I thought "we feel what we feel?" Now it seems she wants me to pretend I'm not scared? Pretend the touch waking me at 3am is comforting?
Recently, the touch woke me feeling like someone was feeling my forehead for fever...but the touch was ice cold!

I'm sorry this sounds so messed up.

1) Has anyone experienced anything similar after a loved one has passed away?
2) Am I missing T's point of view because I just don't understand it.

I did not have it with a loved one but I lived in a haunted house for a summer and had similar experiences. Being awakened by someone yelling "wake up!!" Being poked, patted, prodded etc until I woke up and then continuing. The cold. It was terrifying. I think your T is WAY wrong. If you haven't had it happening you can't understand. I used to sneak away to our local 24 hr grocery and try to nap in the rest room!! I could not sleep there. I can't believe I lasted the whole summer. Rent was cheap though.
When staying with a friend I woke up and saw a woman cAlling his name. He slept through it but in the morning he said the woman I described sounded very much like his recently deceased grandmother.

I think it's wrong for your T to invalidate your experience.

FYI the most effective thing if it IS a spirit who cares about you ( theory being they may be confused or not clearly seeing into our world or clumsy like a 3 year old with a crayon in their new spirit body) is to wait for a time when you sense the presence and say loudly and cleaRly. " what you are doing is scaring me. Everything is ok. I am OK and you can go on with your journey. If you have a message for me please find a different way to tell it to me" or something like that. They may not know they are doing anything wrong.

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by anilam

Yeah, the calling. I also wasn't comforted by it. Thank God I don't believe in afterlife otherwise I'd be freak out the person in question was in pain trying to reach out (that's how it sounded anyway). I talked to T about it, seems to be a pretty common way for ppl to deal with a loss.
Weird that it started happening again... I think you should talk about what it means to you, are there some feelings you haven't dealt with- guilt? Fear?
IMO trying to pretend stg is OK when your body is telling you otherwise is not helpful at all.

Thank you so much for letting me know you have experienced something similar. Yes, "the calling." It does, in fact, seem like she is afraid, hurt, confused and reaching out.

There are many feelings around my mother's illness and death- rage, guilt, sadness. Sometimes these feelings lead me to unhealthy places. I need to talk about them some more.

Btw, The touching began again May 18th around 3am. That was the occasion it seemed like someone was feeling my forehead for fever....the way a mom/grandmother would a child...but the touch was ice cold.

Weirdly just ten hours later one of my brothers phoned telling me our eldest brother has taken a turn for the worse....

I agree, T's advice in this case doesn't feel helpful or realistic. Thank you.

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by BayBrony

I did not have it with a loved one but I lived in a haunted house for a summer and had similar experiences. Being awakened by someone yelling "wake up!!" Being poked, patted, prodded etc until I woke up and then continuing. The cold. It was terrifying. I think your T is WAY wrong. If you haven't had it happening you can't understand. I used to sneak away to our local 24 hr grocery and try to nap in the rest room!! I could not sleep there. I can't believe I lasted the whole summer. Rent was cheap though.
When staying with a friend I woke up and saw a woman cAlling his name. He slept through it but in the morning he said the woman I described sounded very much like his recently deceased grandmother.

I think it's wrong for your T to invalidate your experience.

FYI the most effective thing if it IS a spirit who cares about you ( theory being they may be confused or not clearly seeing into our world or clumsy like a 3 year old with a crayon in their new spirit body) is to wait for a time when you sense the presence and say loudly and cleaRly. " what you are doing is scaring me. Everything is ok. I am OK and you can go on with your journey. If you have a message for me please find a different way to tell it to me" or something like that. They may not know they are doing anything wrong.

You are brave for sticking it out the entire summer!

Talking to "it" makes sense to me. Whether these occurrences are in my mind or a real spirit, saying something to it as you described would probably feel more empowering to me than pretending I felt comforted by it. At least I would feel like I can do something about it.

My dog will probably think I'm nuts, though.

I wish it was a comforting feeling.

[stopdog]

I found it was easier for me to just quit telling the woman some things than to keep trying to get her to listen to me and understand.
What you describe sounds distressing to me too - the talking to it thing sounds interesting. I hope it helps.

[BayBrony]

Originally Posted by precaryous

You are brave for sticking it out the entire summer!

Talking to "it" makes sense to me. Whether these occurrences are in my mind or a real spirit, saying something to it as you described would probably feel more empowering to me than pretending I felt comforted by it. At least I would feel like I can do something about it.

My dog will probably think I'm nuts, though.

I wish it was a comforting feeling.

I'm not sure if I believe in ghosts but my experience was in early adulthood and created a life long interest in the topic and science of hauntinGs. So I've read a lot even though I am not sure about my belief in an afterlife. Whether it's unresolved feelings or real though, yes, speaking out loud acknowledges your experience and can be empowering.

I'm not even sure how you could pretend to be comforted by this anymore than you could pretend a tarantula is as comforting a nap companion as your dog is. It's scary. It makes more sense to admit you are scared and then figure out if you can find a way througH The experience. People who believe that hauntinGs actually come from the observer ( your own energy or mind creating the experience) say that denial or suppression of your experience or feelings will make the manifestations worse due to the agitation and conflict it creates in you.

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by BayBrony

I'm not even sure how you could pretend to be comforted by this anymore than you could pretend a tarantula is as comforting a nap companion as your dog is. It's scary. It makes more sense to admit you are scared and then figure out if you can find a way througH The experience.

Exactly!

[ruh roh]

I have something similar that happens in the middle of the night when I am particularly distressed (not related to a loss). When I told my therapist, she said she didn't know what it was, and referred me to someone who could explain it (if I wanted evidence that it was "something" people experience and not my imagination). The main thing was, she didn't invalidate it or have an interpretation that was opposite to my feeling. We addressed the feeling. Maybe that's what you could ask your therapist to do? That way, she can't really tell you you're not feeling what you're feeling if you take out the event part of it.

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by ruh roh

I have something similar that happens in the middle of the night when I am particularly distressed (not related to a loss). When I told my therapist, she said she didn't know what it was, and referred me to someone who could explain it (if I wanted evidence that it was "something" people experience and not my imagination). The main thing was, she didn't invalidate it or have an interpretation that was opposite to my feeling. We addressed the feeling. Maybe that's what you could ask your therapist to do? That way, she can't really tell you you're not feeling what you're feeling if you take out the event part of it.

Yes, I agree, we need to talk more about what makes it scary for me rather than have her ask me to turn the feeling into something else...

And, yes, I have ambivilant feelings about whether this is something real I am experiencing vs. it being a bunch of events all in my mind.