T and growing up

Apr 19, 2013, 06:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by feralkittymom

GTGT-- Just so you know in case your post is in reply to mine, I don't see your posts.

If it's not, nevermind!

My responses are to the post in general, and anyone that chooses to read it. It's nice to have choices. (Smiling back at you)

rainbow8 · Apr 19, 2013, 05:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

I think that people have a good point in pointing to the boundary issues involved in this exchange, and you've been VERY open to hearing this. I was just going to remark, and I don't mean this sarcastically at all, I never thought I'd see the say when rainbow had a 10 page thread and it wasn't locked or removed

But I disagree respectfully that your question crossed the boundary your T set not to talk about her *husband.* The state of her marriage is not the same thing as facts about her husband. If you'd asked whether her H was going to travel anywhere soon or whether her H did x, y, or z, I think that might come closer to treading on the boundary that your T has set. But you asked about her marriage, which is a different entity than her H. I'm not telling you whether to apologize or not, and in general I don't think apologies are really necessary in T, but I just wanted to tell you that I see it differently than a boundary crossing.

Anne: thanks for this post. My H agrees with you! I asked about HER, not about her H, though of course marriage means both. A close friend of mine agrees that I did nothing wrong, and that I sound mature, and that it's natural to care about my T. She's never been in T, either. I still have strong feelings about the session, and how I found out, but it's not taking away from my wanting to do MY work in therapy. I will probably talk more about it with my T--about why I feel like I have to know things about her, and why I wish I could ask her more. Some is curiousity, some is transference about feeling left out.

I'm sorry I'm not answering everyone now; my basement got flooded and I'm not sure it's safe to be typing now, though my H says it is.

Yes, a milestone for the thread to still be here, LOL.

ultramar · Apr 19, 2013, 06:35 PM

I asked about HER, not about her H, though of course marriage means both.

You see, from my perspective, this is splitting hairs (maybe more accurate to my thinking than what I was saying before about 'honing in on specifics' -not sure). I actually generally speaking don't think it's a problem asking therapists personal questions, I brought this up because in your case, Rainbow, it had become an issue and your therapist had put that boundary there. To me asking about the marriage fits with the 'general intent behind' that boundary, even though she didn't say specifically 'don't ask me about my marriage.' Again, I think splitting hairs.

But I know your therapy has become more and more about you as opposed to her and I think this is wonderful, you have made great progress. I do think this is a continuing issue, though. But for you -'Rainbow'- not so much the relationship, I think it's all good between you and no need for an apology, it's just about you honoring boundaries in general as something to work on in therapy.

I'm really impressed about how well you're taking in this thread, Rainbow. You're doing great!

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