[The_little_didgee]

Recently, I started seeing a therapist to work on my communication skills. We have only met five times so we are still getting to know each other. The last two appointments have left me wondering why she responds to my comments in a certain way. For example, I mentioned my time management problems have affected my grades. She replied, "You are never late for your appointments." After that comment, I felt minimized.

Her responses are confusing. I cannot read nonverbal cues very well so I rely on voice to interpret people. Even with that, I have trouble figuring out the hidden meaning behind people's words. Are her comments minimizing or is this a counseling strategy? How do I talk to her about it without being offensive?

[wotchermuggle]

Originally Posted by The_little_didgee

Recently, I started seeing a therapist to work on my communication skills. We have only met five times so we are still getting to know each other. The last two appointments have left me wondering why she responds to my comments in a certain way. For example, I mentioned my time management problems have affected my grades. She replied, "You are never late for your appointments." After that comment, I felt minimized.

Her responses are confusing. I cannot read nonverbal cues very well so I rely on voice to interpret people. Even with that, I have trouble figuring out the hidden meaning behind people's words. Are her comments minimizing or is this a counseling strategy? How do I talk to her about it without being offensive?

Just ask her. Explain what you just wrote to her.

[stopdog]

I don't think one need be concerned about offending a therapist by asking them to explain or by saying their response seemed dismissive of your actual concerns. I would just tell her what you wrote here.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by The_little_didgee

I mentioned my time management problems have affected my grades. She replied, "You are never late for your appointments." After that comment, I felt minimized.

((Didgee))

I understand why you feel minimised. But I think she's trying to point out that your negative view of your own time-management might not be completely true.

Sometimes a T has an obligation to tell the patient she is wrong about herself. That's always a tricky thing to say and an unpleasant thing to hear.

For example, I've seen a lot of posts by people who struggle to believe a therapist who tells them they are not stupid.

[The_little_didgee]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Sometimes a T has an obligation to tell the patient she is wrong about herself. That's always a tricky thing to say and an unpleasant thing to hear.

For example, I've seen a lot of posts by people who struggle to believe a therapist who tells them they are not stupid.

I just don't understand why she cannot be more direct rather than point out the opposite and/or the positive.

After some thought, I have decided to write her a letter. In it, I plan to ask her to be more direct with me.

It is stressful getting to know a new therapist.

[tinyrabbit]

In my opinion it's all in the interpretation. Your T didn't minimise you or make a value judgement. She made a factual observation. You could have said: "Yes but I'm late for other stuff." I imagine she wanted you to think about WHY you're on time for therapy and not other stuff.

[ECHOES]

I agree. When it comes up with me, I respond by saying "... meaning...?" Or, my favorite, "Can you say more about that?"

I think her response about your never being late was a way to point out that you do have time management skills about some things, as in being prompt for your appointments. I suppose, especially as this is early in the relationship, that she could have expanded on that but she didn't, she just made the observation.

[Syra]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

I agree. When it comes up with me, I respond by saying "... meaning...?" Or, my favorite, "Can you say more about that?"
.

[wotchermuggle]

One other thing, I've found it so much easier to ask a therapist in the moment what they mean, rather than holding on to it all week. Sometimes that's really hard, in the moment, but it is better in the long run.

[The_little_didgee]

Originally Posted by wotchermuggle

One other thing, I've found it so much easier to ask a therapist in the moment what they mean, rather than holding on to it all week. Sometimes that's really hard, in the moment, but it is better in the long run.

I have experienced this (with my psychiatrist) so I know exactly what you are referring to.

Thank you for the replies. All your interpretations have helped my think about this objectively rather than subjectively.

I tend to think people make negative judgments about me. My therapist is trying to get me to change some of the ways I think, especially this one.

[Syra]

Originally Posted by Syra

P.S. I didn't mean the laughing to be mocking. I really think it's a great response. I'm not sure why I'm laughing. Sort of turn around on the therapist - but I think my T would laugh too.

[The_little_didgee]

Syra, your post wasn't offensive. I actually like ECHOES post.