Therapist AROUSED by patient????

Hi

I have seen my therapist for a few months now. As far as prescribing medication he is brilliant and I have been the best I have felt ever.

I have one small (or maybe not small) issue.

Is he aroused by me????

The reason I ask is because I am not sure that I am experiencing transference or counter transference.

Current Situation:
He often asks very sexual questions about me that I feel had no significance to my therapy. I won't go into them because they will most likely scare you. At first he really caught me off guard and I answered his question purely out of sock. Then as sessions continued this way. I started to answer his sexual questions in great detail for a reason I can not explain but maybe out of impulse or maybe because it was a safe place to talk about sexual activity, desire etc.

However after more sessions like these I started to become deeply disturbed by the constant interest my therapist had in my sex life.

I arranged an emergency meeting with him regarding how I felt about his questions and body language when I divulged information about sex to him.

A couple of many things I confronted him on were the following:

- Me: "When I talk about sex your eyes spark in the same way that I have experienced from men just before sex" (caught him off guard about that one)
- He didn't actually give an answer to that question.

- Me: "When I bring up a concern about my medication, your first response is Do you have a sex drive" (he answered that sex drive was an indicator of if I am over medicated or depressed) Personally i think he could just asked if I had enjoyment in everyday activities? Or if anything has changed regarding personal, social or work behaviours.

And the list went on and on about how I felt uncomfortable with his sexual interest in phychotherapy (in general) or with me?

Oh on a side note...The weirdest thing is that a relative who also sees him has never been asked these sorts of questions and was a little concerned about my therapy after I divulged specific information about my sessions.

The conversation ended with him apologising profusely regarding his comments and that he was glad that I had the confidence and assertiveness to confront him and that he felt impressed that I introduced the "clean air policy" - which I personally thought should have been the case anyway.

All in all, as I left the consulting room he asked if I felt better about the situation? I replied that he is still "on notice" and that I will think about.

So here we are now.....

I suppose I just wanted to ask all of you phych savvy people:

What approach I should take from now on regarding my sessions?
AND
What indicators should I look for to see if things haven't changed on his part?

I must admit..... It was arousing talking about sex and fantasies and in some sick way I found it funny to see him get aroused. Especially as he is in his 60's, completely unattractive, and a total dork from my perspective. But after sessions I would feel disgusted in myself when I thought about what I disclosed and the pleasure and excitement I felt during sessions.

Does all this behaviour on my part have anything to do with sexual abuse I experienced as a child to older males? (I have disclosed this information with him already)

I feel rather confused about the whole experience. And these feelings of arousal, excitement, nausea before sessions, disgust in him & myself and generally just feeling weird are becoming consuming outside of therapy sessions.

I suppose the worst part of it all is that I feel somewhat addicted to seeing him and find great enjoyment in making fun or taunting him, for which he says he likes. I hate to even admit it but at one stage when he was talking to me about sex again, in response to question I turned to him and said "I bet you don't have sex often but rather prefer masturbation" He gave me a cheeky smile on that comment.

Oh god this is one ****ed up situation. I am saying things to him that I would never even cross my mind to comment and ask anyone, EVER!!. (AGAIN ME FUELLING THE FIRE)

OMG reading back over this I think we are as ****ed in the head as each other!!! Oh **** what have I gotten in to????

Any advise or personal perspective would be great!!! I thought it would be best to ask the experts (you) as you know what it's like to sit on the other side.

Thanks all,

Therapists are people too?

Yes totally agree in theory, however in practice they technically hold a position of power, which is well documented and discussed in psychiatric medical journals and alike.

I am aware that my behaviour has been inappropriate and will be conscious, mindful and take accountability for this in future.

Thanks for your input.

It sounds to me like you are projecting your own feelings onto him. I can't answer the question if he is aroused, but even if he was it doesn't sound like he is being inappropriate. It sounds like you are teasing him with the sex talk and perhaps he sees you as a very sexual person because you talk about it and are so open about it. My T (female) always asked about sex drive when it came to judging my meds and my depression level. I don't think it's unusual to ask those questions.

Difficult to say as you admit that you are an active participant--maybe instigator--in the sexual nature of your sessions.

It could be that you're seeing what you want/need to see because of the issues you bring to therapy, or he's experiencing a counter transference that he is or isn't aware of.

But either way, it needs to be discussed openly.

I dont believe you've been inappropriate. Youre just being yourself, who you are now, not up to me to decide if right or wrong. You care about how its affecting his and your health. I think thats healthy.

He has an obligation to treat you on a professional level I think.

Run. Away. Fast.

I would probably seek a 2nd opinion.

IF he really is inappropriate, and involved in grooming behavior, I wouldn't want to let him off with a warning and then he changes with me, but is still preying on others.

If he is appropriate I think an outside professional assuring me of that would help me a lot more than the person I am concerned about. And I would want an explanation of why it is appropriate, not just reassurance.

It sounds like you responded to it and sort of enjoyed it. IF SO, that does not make you responsible. He asked you questions, and you responded, trusting him to know what was and wasn't appropriate. A good groomer knows how to get people to respond in ways that they can then blame it on the groomed.

I don't know if he is grooming. The fact that you don't want to tell us some of the questions suggests that he is. IF he is, this is very serious.

I was groomed once (no sexual activity) by a therapist. It was very subtle. The barriers/boundaries come down little by little. It appeared like "Oh, hmmm. maybe this IS okay. it feels so good." I was confused - that's why I was IN therapy.

I'm not saying he is inappropriate. But if the hairs on your neck are going up (which it sounds like they are), I would investigate. Will you be able to trust him if you are wondering about this?

I second the recommendation to bolt

I feel like another poster wrote about an experience very similar to yours a week or two ago. The general advice from that thread was to leave this therapist and that kind of sexual interest on his part cannot be therapeutic. I can't say that I see anything wrong with that advice.

To me, discussion about sexual matters is perfectly appropriate if the client initiates it and is focused on her sexual healing or related matters. There's nothing wrong in the abstract about talking about sex. But I think about your therapist in the same way I would think about an employer raising sexual issues or another professional doing it-- which is that I would think they are "grooming" the person to be their victim. Often those who are predators will try out potential victims for their compliance by using sexual talk. The idea is that if her response to the inappropriate sexual talk is to join in and/or even enjoy it, that suggests that she'd make a good victim for a physical move or attack.

I would see this as a potentially dangerous situation and I don't think that the benefits outweighh the risks.

I find some of the responses here weird. Even if you feel aroused or into doing this with him, obviously part of you must be somewhat uncomfortable if you are seeking out information or help on it. It's DEFINITELY NOT that "you are teasing him" my god. He's the therapist, and if your conversation is inappropriate, he should stop it, but it sounds like he's the one that starts it! Most people are going to be aroused when talking frankly about sexual experiences and desires.

If you do want to end this line of talk in therapy, you should bring it up casually probably. If he asks about your sex drive with meds, you can answer it but say "My overall joy and pleasure in life is more important than this one specific aspect of sexual pleasure." or if he brings up another question about maybe a fantasy you had or something (since we don't know what questions he asks) maybe you could just say you have more pressing issues you want to talk about.

I understand you feel addicted to him, so it really might be hard to stop this line of conversation with him, but I think you know that it's not right and could really end up hurting you a lot more in the long run.

You are correct...
I agree, but not for the same reasons.

Um, she said and I quote:

I don't think you have anything to be ashamed of regarding your own arousal and that part of you (although wary) enjoys the flirting.

There seem to be red flags on his part, but it's hard to tell for sure from what you have shared.

You say he has said he likes it when you make fun of him and taunt him. I find it hard to believe that anyone feels good at being made fun of and taunted. Why/how did you get this impression? Was this in a sexual context and that's why you got that impression?

I hate to even admit it but at one stage when he was talking to me about sex again, in response to question I turned to him and said "I bet you don't have sex often but rather prefer masturbation" He gave me a cheeky smile on that comment.

Whether he was ever flirting in the first place or he was asking sexual questions for purely clinical reasons, what you say above, is of course seductive/flirting. Nothing to be ashamed of, but I think you need to figure out what's you and what's him. He already gave what sounds like a reasonable explanation as to why he's asked you these questions, but maybe if you ask him directly if he is asking you these sexual questions in order to get aroused; it sounds like you're going to assume this until you hear either way directly from him.

It sounds like you are both aroused and have concerns about the sexual nature of some conversations. Since you say you're 'addicted' maybe you need to think about if it will be productive and healing for you to continue in an atmosphere infused with sex -whether it's coming form you, him or both.

It sounds like you still need more clarity from him. And need to find out if you're misinterpreting messages from him or if he really is being intentionally seductive. Once you have more information, from yourself and him, only you can decide if this is healthy for you.

Good luck.

Its hard to say from what you posted, but its possible they are ok questions or very well may be inappropriate.

When my T says something I find questionable I just immediately ask him why he needs to know. and he tells me. and then at that point if there were any buzz he gets off my response it was killed by my caution.

Sexual tension in therapy is fairly common and not necessarily dangerous.

However, it sounds like he is creeping you out, so I suggest you either confront him with it (best) or simply walk away (I wouldn't blame you).

Thank you all for your feedback so far. I think maybe I should take a break from seeing him so often in a week. I have an appointment today and will discuss the need to take a month break. I feel that this will give me a chance to reflect and move away from where I am currently at with therapy. I don't think this action will have a negative effect on my mental health.

Some of you are right in saying that he may think that I am a sexual person thus the topic often coming up. To an extent I think I am externalising my feelings towards him, when really I should pull back and refrain from some of my comments and taunts.

It's so good to have your perspectives and thank you again.

The fact you say the questions would scare us makes me worry. If you can't share the information, that suggests he is making you feel shame, or fear, or embarrassment. Not good.

I don't know if other people's Ts ask sex questions but mine never initiates conversation about it (or anything really), when we have talked about anything vaguely relating to it I've been the one to bring it up.

I'd seek another therapist. That much sex talk in therapy? I cannot say that has ever occurred with any of my therapists. Why do you still return, if you feel unsure?

Thanks very much for your messages. I appreciate your thoughts on the issue.

I have decided after much deliberation on the issue to no longer see him, and get referred to another phych by my old phych.

As I already had the discussion with him and confronted him on how I felt regarding his behaviour, nothing has changed regarding any dynamics between him and I.

This really did confirm the realisation that this therapy arrangement is in no way therapeutic.

I have worked far too hard to get where I am on a mental level that I have no interest in going backwards.

Again thank you all. It's great to be able to bounce ideas, thoughts etc off each other through this forum. I am very glad to have stumbled across it.

i just want to say i think you are wise to stop therapy with this T. because you were sexually abused by an older male and he is an older male i think you would need a T that is going to be really careful about boundaries regarding talk about sex. i hope you can find someone where you can safely work thru these issues. i think it is probably good to err on the side of caution with this. take gentle care.

I hope you find a good therapeutic relationship quickly. Good luck.

"Any advise or personal perspective would be great!!! I thought it would be best to ask the experts (you) as you know what it's like to sit on the other side.

Thanks all, "

Curious,

I am confused. On 4-13, you started a thread, Perspective or second opinion..........." concerning your therapist and boundaries. You received numerous posts from other members about the inappropriateness of your therapist. 95% of answers warned against seeing this man again. You stated you understood everyones concerns and you were not going to see this man again

However, yesterday you started another thread concerning the the exact same content as before. I don't understand why you are once again asking for "help from the experts".

What's the deal?

Sabra

Fool me twice?

You pegged it the first time. I gave the benefit of doubt and was obviously wrong.

Salutes to hankster,

Sabra