I feel my T can give me something, an indescribable something that I lack. I don't know what it is, but it's missing and in some kind of Wizard of Oz way I want my T to bestow it upon me. It's there when I look at him but I can't see what it is. I would like to ask him for a hug but I know he will say"no" or even worse, "What will it mean to you?"

I'm feeling lost in T lately, like we don't connect anymore. I'm seeing him at the end of the month to discuss EMDR again, but before I start that I feel I want this mysterious "something"

Thanks for reading my rant.

[Travelinglady]

You're welcome. Do you think it might be a kind of relationship like that of a father or a good friend? (The hug thing seems to suggest that.) I think many of us hope the T can give us what our parents didn't.....

You might bring this question up with your therapist.

[Perna]

I use to feel that way about communication and relationships; my T had to talk to me, start the conversation, etc. I didn't know how to turn that around and be in charge of my own process, to start anything from "Me".

I would use the hug as a "symbol" and talk to your T about it. Tell him you would like something tangible, like a hug, but don't intend to ask him for that because you figure he will say no and you understand that; it's not what you actually want but more something "like" that.

Maybe you can buy a heart pillow or something; my T taught me to check my heart and a good friend, a potter, made me a container in my favorite color with a checkered heart on top :-) I put important (to me) little things in it, like a child would a treasure chest or a bride in years gone by a trousseau, etc.

But I would find something tangible that you like that could symbolize this "thing" you wish you had or that T would give you. I had a tiny bear that was important to me and I gave it to T to "hold" until I asked for it back. It was like I'd given a piece of myself (the bear's name was "Queen's Knight" and he was my "protector" :-) and working with the symbolism and how I felt (I felt I had to be especially brave and honest and work as hard as I could as my T had control over my protector and could hurt him! :-) was very useful to me in therapy.

[Little Me]

Originally Posted by Perna

I use to feel that way about communication and relationships; my T had to talk to me, start the conversation, etc. I didn't know how to turn that around and be in charge of my own process, to start anything from "Me".

I would use the hug as a "symbol" and talk to your T about it. Tell him you would like something tangible, like a hug, but don't intend to ask him for that because you figure he will say no and you understand that; it's not what you actually want but more something "like" that.

Maybe you can buy a heart pillow or something; my T taught me to check my heart and a good friend, a potter, made me a container in my favorite color with a checkered heart on top :-) I put important (to me) little things in it, like a child would a treasure chest or a bride in years gone by a trousseau, etc.

But I would find something tangible that you like that could symbolize this "thing" you wish you had or that T would give you. I had a tiny bear that was important to me and I gave it to T to "hold" until I asked for it back. It was like I'd given a piece of myself (the bear's name was "Queen's Knight" and he was my "protector" :-) and working with the symbolism and how I felt (I felt I had to be especially brave and honest and work as hard as I could as my T had control over my protector and could hurt him! :-) was very useful to me in therapy.

I am interested in the ideas and experiences you shared. Thanks. I struggle with much of this topic constantly.

[content30]

Perhaps you could actually do EMDR on this: the fear being that you lack something and are worried yourT cannot or will not give it to you. Then, your T could perform EMDR and see where your thoughts lead? Perhaps you can discuss this with him?

[athena2011]

Originally Posted by Bipolarartist

I feel my T can give me something, an indescribable something that I lack. I don't know what it is, but it's missing and in some kind of Wizard of Oz way I want my T to bestow it upon me. It's there when I look at him but I can't see what it is. I would like to ask him for a hug but I know he will say"no" or even worse, "What will it mean to you?"

I'm feeling lost in T lately, like we don't connect anymore. I'm seeing him at the end of the month to discuss EMDR again, but before I start that I feel I want this mysterious "something"

Thanks for reading my rant.

I am back to this place you describe. I find it extremely painful and I talk myself out of wanting a hug from him, or anything else concrete for that matter. Typical pattern for me as in "Stop wanting what you can't have". I pushed the feeling away and lost all connection with my T, and worse...to the point where I imagine a hug being extremely uncomfortable coming from him. Not the comforting, warm, loving thing I imagined 2 1/2 years ago (before the 'once you get to know me you'll run away' set in).

So I don't recommend that you push it away or just let it die. Anyway, we are back to discussing this again...I never outright asked him for a hug because I didn't want the inevitable feelings of rejection that come with the 'NO'. But he knows I wanted to ask. He suggests that I think of it as a metaphor for what I want/need from him and explore the feelings instead of pushing them away. I find this an extremely difficult and painful concept. I suppose if I could actually imagine myself getting the hug for as long as I need it, it would be helpful. Unfortunately, so far I can only imagine a 'hug that I will never get'. It's going to be a huge block to get past, I'm getting triggered big time just writing this. It makes some kind of sense though - you've got to be able to imagine that something good COULD happen to you or it probably never will.