Couch 48 - All are Welcome - really!

If your husband starts saying "I hear you" before you are finished talking, could you say something back like "Okay, but I need you to hear me some more so just listen until I am finished and then we can talk about what you heard..."

I often wonder why my partner wants to tell me all sorts of stuff I can't do anything about. And I do tune out if it seems like I have heard it before. So if it is new or important or somehow different, she needs to tell me.

You almost never mention her. A sign of a good relationship?

You know Mue, if it is bothering you that much, just tell him you're sorry, but you just can't do it. Give him some time to have to think about it and to find something on his own for the little wife, but let him know. I don't think he'll be offended or upset with you and to me it certainly isn't worth the frustration you're having over doing it. You deserve to have a good mother's day too.... and this sure isn't helping it. (((((Mue)))))

Lola- MI sounds good to me! You'd sure be a lot closer to me there then down in TX.

I think it is okay. It doesn't really cause me too much grief on any given day. But we have a lot of space and have pretty much divided up certain things that would bother us so that we do not have to be bothered by them on a regular basis. For example Whoever does the laundry gets to fold things the way the want and in whatever time frame they choose. If it is a big deal - then do your own laundry or fold yourself sort of thing. Basically we divided up into who is most invested in having x go a certain way - then that person is in charge of it.

She might have a different response.

Good morning everyone. Hope everyone has a good Monday.

Good morning all. It's cloudy and cold here, which is fine with me.

As far as spouses/partners...I gave up trying to get mine to respond the way I want him to. I don't really see a point on making him respond or say a certain thing, I prefer him to just be him and not over think his responses. That's just me. One of the things I hate about T is that the responses are programed and not authentic. I would hate for my h to say what he's "supposed" to say instead of what he feels. But in our relationship, I am the one that's screwed up, not him.

Sorry if that's not helpful. Maybe I am some kind of alien as well. Beam me up Stopdog.

I spent some time at the library yesterday, grabbed The Power Broker by Robert A. Cargo....it's about Robert Moses. The library in my new town is incredible, and I get excited when I go into the non-fiction section and see all those books I have yet to read.

Thanks, karebear. That seems to be the consensus, yet I can't seem to bring myself to do it. It'd be good for me to consider the "why"...perhaps it's because I am trying to believe he is doing this for my own good, to trigger these feelings so that I will be able to better work through them.

I very much agree with this! I think it is important though to know what we want to hear so that we can better understand ourselves - whether it's hearing others differently, perceiving what they DO say a certain way, whether we have a need that's not being met and can work towards figuring out what needs to happen to get it met, etc.

Trying to change someone else is a futile task. Most people don't want to be controlled that way. But, knowing what we need is important too - so we can figure out better ways to approach getting it.

Good morning, couch peeps! My migraine is much more bearable this morning. Whew.

Gotta get my daughter up and to school...then take my mom to her CAT scan. Hope everyone has a good morning!

Morning Couch.

T responded. She called my mom old school and said she is living in the 50's, when men were always right and women were meant to please them.

T suggested instead of asking for advice, I should tell her what I am going to do. She said I should be a shining example of an independent woman for my mom.

T said that there's probably religious undertones as well to what my mom said. I agree now that someone pointed it out to me.

School secretary also rsponded about the sick time. She said she didn't know if it was one pool for the 2 jobs or 2 separtate pools, but she would check for me and to see her in the morning. I will only go with that option now if L won't swap buses with me.

Well, I need to go pack my lunch and leave for work. Another "fun" morning on the bus. Have a happy Monday everyone.

Happy Monday everyone. Mine is stressful as I need people to send me stuff so I can do some work and they haven't which makes me look bad. I'm self-employed and I can't just put my hands up and say oh well. I have T tomorrow which is a relief...

Morning all, i have to work today T at 11 and I have to
Clean bedroom and bathroom , go to bank ugggg . Broke the screen on ipad last night... Uggg

Hey Lola....
I am hoping to get my laptop back today, broke the screen a couple weeks ago. It's been hell typing with my thumbs on my tiny iphone. Good luck with T...I hope he helps. (((lola)))

Thanks Wiki that means a bunch

Good luck Lola.

Ugh, Lola, when it rains, it pours. I hope your T session goes well today. (( HUGS ))

I found this quite interesting. It needs more-but an interesting start.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...hotherapy-work

LC - Sorry about the ipad - that sucks. good luck with therapist.

Squirrel - I hope you get away from the bully.

stopdog wow that is kind of like how it is with my husband and i. if it is something that is important to him or i we will take responcibility of doing said things and then it isn't a problem

good luck today lola

Wikid - perhaps we need an alien library to go along with the other library.

Exactly. Not only do I not remember writing it, I am almost certain it isn't true. However, the next time I write something in that subject without thinking too hard about it, I write that same thing again.

That sounds too obscure, I guess, huh? It's about abuse. If I'm trying to write about the abuse, certain specific THINGS keep getting written down, but I not only don't remember writing about those things, I don't remember those things happening at all. I feel like a giant liar because I will write to my T in particular and mention these things happening, but then in session completely deny that it happened. I didn't even realize why he was asking about those things until I went back and re-read what I had sent and was like, 'holy ****, did I write that??' Now that I think about it, THAT is probably part of the reason he allows me to email. I write stuff and hit "send" before I have time to sit and re-read and go back and edit that stuff out.

Stopdog...thanks. I was actually reading this earlier:
Looking for Evidence That Therapy Works - NYTimes.com
And then this from one of my favorite writers, whom I love to disagree with:
Want Bad Advice? Ask A Journalist How To Find A Therapist (1 of 2) - Forbes

Apt-Mast: That's perfect. EXCEPT: which one is sd? And, she's a little too close. Back off biotch.