Questions about therapy

I have seen several therapists over the years. Some were okay some were terrible! I just recently quit my last therapist. She was the best one I've had; but our sessions just weren't going anywhere. Our sessions had simply become what I have described as "rent-a-friend". I'm thinking about whether to give therapy another try. I have 2 questions I'd like to pose regarding therapy.

1.) What is the goal of your therapy? Is it to make needed change(s) in your life? Is it to deal with "family of origin" issues? Is it to deal with your current emotional issues?

2.) Do you tell / talk with your therapist about everything? Or are there aspects of your life that you don't even share with your therapist? If so, what effect, if any, do you feel this has on the success or lack thereof of your therapy?

Thanks for commenting!

Good questions!
My goal in therapy is two fold: One was to deal with emotional issues (initially anxiety and now depression) and in doing so to make changes in my life including gaining self confidence and working on relationships.

I don't tell my therapist everything. We talk about things that are pertinent to what we are working on. I share what is pertinent to that.

1.) What is the goal of your therapy? Is it to make needed change(s) in your life? Is it to deal with "family of origin" issues? Is it to deal with your current emotional issues? Yes. All that.

2.) Do you tell / talk with your therapist about everything? No Or are there aspects of your life that you don't even share with your therapist? Yep If so, what effect, if any, do you feel this has on the success or lack thereof of your therapy? I suspect we'll get to just about everything at some point, but I've prioritized by what troubles me the most. It's possible that my judgment is flawed and that some things that I haven't told him are relevant to things we are talking about and he's missing a big piece. If that is the case, I feel certain we'll get there eventually.

Yeah my therapy has become like coffee talk and I honestly think he does not know what to do with me and leaves it up to my other T I see for EMDR and also does iFS(Internal Family System). Honestly EMDR and IFS has done more for me in 2 month than what regular CBT and free talk has done in 7 months.

Hi...what is EMDR? Thanks:-)

1. The goal was (in extremely reduced form) to stop being on edge when I know there is nothing to be on edge about.

2. I do not tell the therapist anything I do not think relates to #1. I expect the therapist to know the sorts of things that might relate to #1 and ask appropriate questions. (not the specifics of my case or anything - just the general sorts)

1.) What is the goal of your therapy? Is it to make needed change(s) in your life? Is it to deal with "family of origin" issues? Is it to deal with your current emotional issues?

I am dealing with a lot of past trauma, including in my family of origin and in past relationships, and resulting emotional and relational issues and other problems including complex PTSD, disordered eating, stress and anxiety, somatic health complaints and issues with low self-esteem. I have a lot of issues to sort out in the long term! It's a bit overwhelming but my T says I just need to keep turning up and he will take care of the process. Right now the main purpose of therapy is just to help me feel less alone in my emotional pain and give me some hope that I can feel better about things.

2.) Do you tell / talk with your therapist about everything? Or are there aspects of your life that you don't even share with your therapist? If so, what effect, if any, do you feel this has on the success or lack thereof of your therapy?

Time constraints mean I'm always going to have to be selective about what I bring up. In theory, I can talk about anything and he won't judge, but it's quite hard to open up about some things. I've told him about some difficult stuff but haven't properly discussed it yet as I'm not ready. I think the aspects of my life that I really don't share are the trivial ones, like what movies I've seen recently. I'm working on talking to him about all the difficult stuff, but it's really hard.

Right now, that process of building trust and opening up is a big part of therapy for me. There are a lot of barriers to talking (mainly fear and shame). It's never just coffee talk with my T, though we do drink coffee in my sessions! But it's not just about the actual subject matter, but also all the unspoken, unconscious aspects of the unfolding relationship.

1.) What is the goal of your therapy? Is it to make needed change(s) in your life? Is it to deal with "family of origin" issues? Is it to deal with your current emotional issues? All of the above. And I've made great progress in going on 2 years now and have made some great changes in my life (including starting a new job that I love 7 months ago)

2.) Do you tell / talk with your therapist about everything? I would say a resounding YES (well, not what I ate for breakfast etc. but everything of any substance!) I've learned over the time I've been on this journey with her that things I might not think are important enough to share almost always ARE so I share everything. Or are there aspects of your life that you don't even share with your therapist? If so, what effect, if any, do you feel this has on the success or lack thereof of your therapy? I think the level of trust in our therapy relationship has been tantamount to the progress that I've made in learning who I am and becoming that person.

We do have lighter, chatty sessions on occasion, and I think those are just as important like tinyrabbit said it's sometimes also about the unspoken, unconscious aspects of the relationship. My relationship with t is like nothing I have ever experienced before, in some ways more intimate even than my relationship with my h. there are things about me that I haven't told him in 16 years of marriage that she knows. I can't believe I just admitted that.

My T also knows more than my spouse. It really is a relationship like no other.

Depends on the therapy orientation. A good therapist will direct your 'coffee' talk back to you.

Many thanks to everyone for commenting! I wish I could find someone I could have the kind of relationship with that some of you have. I can imagine that it would be wonderful. I'll bet I've been through at least half a dozen therapists though & they just ranged from okay to terrible! Perhaps it's me. But it is true that there are aspects of my life that I can never share with anyone. I would guess that this limits the amount of success that I can expect to achieve under any circumstances.