[1stepatatime]

One of my biggest challenges is dealing with change. I s t r u g g l e with it!! My T said its probably because there were many changes during my childhood. Now I'm dealing with some loose ties so to speak related to my relationship with my ex....I need to handle some banking stuff and in a nutshell...I don't want to!! Its nothing horrible, its not a problem, but its something that needs to be done because we are no longer together...haven't been since this past November. I resist and resist until finally I go with it.....does anyone else go through holy hell with change? Any ideas on coping strategies? Thanks!

Yes...oh god yes. I used to cry (when I was employed) and we switched projects at work...I couldn't deal with feeling disoriented and confused and overwhelmed.
Your Ts reasoning sounds good to me. In all my years of T no one ever really explained it like that (so I think I appreciate your T).
Its also sounds like you are dealing with lots of little uncomfortable things that just remind you of the bigger change that took place, and those always hurt, too.

[CantExplain]

I don't my routine being disrupted.

[ECHOES]

Change feels threatening. The world gets thrown of it's axis. My world anyway.
It is helpful to try to identify what feels threatening and my fears.

[moonlitsky]

I understand how difficult it can feel when there are changes like you explain. I know for myself that although it is hard to do, that when I take control and do what I am afraid to do, it always helps me to feel more empowered and in control. It is normal to be wary of change, but combine it with fears from the past and it makes it doubly hard!

It feels you are having to step outside a comfort zone. If you are able to get it sorted, very soon you will get used to it and your comfort zone will be increased in size. Try to believe in yourself and you ability to manage this change - you will be ok.

Moon

[Perna]

I don't think humans are built to like change; like Echoes says, change is threatening because we can't know what will happen in the future, if it's a good idea or not.

When I am getting down on myself for not changing fast enough or procrastinating in general, I remind myself that I do, in the end, go along with the program and make the change, and I also think about bed making One can get on one's case for not making the bed or doing the dishes, etc., and then one does them and feels accomplished, etc. but they just go back to being in their former, unmade/washed state? How important is the whole angst thing that we should spend so much time being upset at something that is "finished" for so short a period of time? Bills have to be paid this month and next or every two months or once a year, whatever, but whatever one finally does about them, whether one makes it a problem by only doing them once a year so they get into a tangle or looks at them faithfully every Monday morning (my husband :-) it doesn't really matter because they don't "end" so just decide what you want to do about them, how much energy you want to spend on them and then do it from "outside" yourself.

They are not about you and what you feel, they are external to you (and your relationship); see if you can think about them and treat them like any other habit/chore that you do without the angst. Do you brush your teeth regularly? Go to school/work daily? Spend time online every morning or evening? They're no different from those things, they're just another activity you want as part of your lifestyle/routine.

[1stepatatime]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

Change feels threatening. The world gets thrown of it's axis. My world anyway.
It is helpful to try to identify what feels threatening and my fears.

Hello from the eastern side of the pond :-)
Yes, everything gets thrown off when you need to change something that you've grown accustomed to. I realize what my fears are so I just need to process it and find a way to be okay with it....thanks, Echoes:-)

[1stepatatime]

Originally Posted by Perna

I don't think humans are built to like change; like Echoes says, change is threatening because we can't know what will happen in the future, if it's a good idea or not.

When I am getting down on myself for not changing fast enough or procrastinating in general, I remind myself that I do, in the end, go along with the program and make the change, and I also think about bed making One can get on one's case for not making the bed or doing the dishes, etc., and then one does them and feels accomplished, etc. but they just go back to being in their former, unmade/washed state? How important is the whole angst thing that we should spend so much time being upset at something that is "finished" for so short a period of time? Bills have to be paid this month and next or every two months or once a year, whatever, but whatever one finally does about them, whether one makes it a problem by only doing them once a year so they get into a tangle or looks at them faithfully every Monday morning (my husband :-) it doesn't really matter because they don't "end" so just decide what you want to do about them, how much energy you want to spend on them and then do it from "outside" yourself.

They are not about you and what you feel, they are external to you (and your relationship); see if you can think about them and treat them like any other habit/chore that you do without the angst. Do you brush your teeth regularly? Go to school/work daily? Spend time online every morning or evening? They're no different from those things, they're just another activity you want as part of your lifestyle/routine.

Thanks,Perna
It doesn't seem as threatening after reading your post. I just need to take care of things and try not to project so much. thanks again:-)

[1stepatatime]

Originally Posted by moonlitsky

I understand how difficult it can feel when there are changes like you explain. I know for myself that although it is hard to do, that when I take control and do what I am afraid to do, it always helps me to feel more empowered and in control. It is normal to be wary of change, but combine it with fears from the past and it makes it doubly hard!

It feels you are having to step outside a comfort zone. If you are able to get it sorted, very soon you will get used to it and your comfort zone will be increased in size. Try to believe in yourself and you ability to manage this change - you will be ok.

Moon

Hello, Moon!
Thanks for your ongoing support...since reading your posts I have gained much respect and appreciation for your insight and wisdom. You are right...I need to believe in myself and know that it will be okay. Because of my history sometimes things like this come up and I struggle... but I can and will manage to do what needs to be done....have a wonderful day:-)

[wotchermuggle]

I find the quicker I just handle things, the better. Otherwise I worry about it, get anxious about it.....and it makes the situation 10x worse. Even though it's hard, it's easier to just look after those loose ends and move on than avoid avoid avoid.