[wadingthruemotions]

..........

[kaliope]

i am free in letting people know i am crazy as a way of, gosh, how to i explain it....i guess i feel like people are always going to judge me, so if they are going to judge me as less than or incapable, if they know i have mental health issues, at least they will be able to have a reason for judging me. does that make sense? i want to stop doing this because i am very competent and capable, just a little socially inept.

[wotchermuggle]

No, I haven't. I try not to use my diagnoses as an excuse in my life for anything because I don't want to be in the same place in 10 years saying, "Well, I couldn't do X because I have X."

[Moodswing]

I could never let anyon know so I coul not use it as an excuse. I do use it as an excuse with myself in regards to not bing able to get everything don on my list or say making something valuable out of myself instead of always being the bottom feeder.

[wadingthruemotions]

Thank you for the replies.

And Kaliope, yes I do understand what you said.

I should also say, I have been working on changing some things about me, some of this is part of it. I guess for me to totally own ME, I need to be honest and all. It starts somewhere right.

This is one reason why mental illness is so stigmatized. Why so many people have to "hide" their diagnosis, because people similar to you have used their illness to excuse their behaviors.

It does not help you and it does not help others. People look at you in a negative light, especially if you consistently excuse your negative behaviors with your mental illness.

Think of all the jokes and lack of understanding regarding mental illness compared to physical illness. Nobody kids about heart disease, but many people joke about borderlines, bipolars, etc.

[Tamster]

No it embarrasses me too much already so I can't use it as an excuse effectively. But the people I see could probably get me out of uncomfortable situations now and then.

[wadingthruemotions]

Originally Posted by Tollhouse

This is one reason why mental illness is so stigmatized. Why so many people have to "hide" their diagnosis, because people similar to you have used their illness to excuse their behaviors.

It does not help you and it does not help others. People look at you in a negative light, especially if you consistently excuse your negative behaviors with your mental illness.

Think of all the jokes and lack of understanding regarding mental illness compared to physical illness. Nobody kids about heart disease, but many people joke about borderlines, bipolars, etc.

You are correct, it doesn't help. I don't think this is the main reason why mental illness is so stigmatized, but it sure doesn't help. But I also think that those that aren't thinking straight, if you can call it that, don't see this at the time. I think that it is quite possible to lose yourself in the illness at times.

[BlessedRhiannon]

Considering that I've spent most of my life hiding my issues, no, I don't use it as a benefit or an excuse. One of my issues is anxiety, and if I let myself hide behind that, I'd never do anything. I'm constantly pushing myself to move past my issues and function in spite of them. The last thing I want is to use it as an excuse or benefit. Besides, I've found that I'm so good at hiding it that most people don't really understand the extent to which I struggle on a daily basis.

With people that I'm very close to, I will explain or ask for help if I'm struggling. For example, I might tell a friend that I need to cut short an outing because I'm feeling extremely anxious, or I might ask a friend to accompany me to something as support. I try to never exploit it, though.

[Anne2.0]

My first T was a psychiatrist and I once asked him to write me a letter to the airlines so I could come back from a trip from France (I was traveling with a crazy lunatic) early without paying a big fee. I don't think it was an accident that I had about 6 rows of the plane to myself.

Originally Posted by wadingthruemotions

So I am wondering...Do you use your diagnosis to your benefit and if so how and why? If not, why not?

Just curious and want some feedback, tho I know this will trigger some people depending on answers and conversation.

Please speak your mind and be truthful. I do not judge, nor is this about judging.

I will start...I know I do and there are times when I enjoy it and there are times when I have to in order to get me out of sticky or troublesome situations. I have used them so to speak at work with some co-workers (not saying specifically what I have other than saying I have a reason to be this way). I have used them to get my way at home or with friends. I have used them as a reason to just be moody when I want to be moody or fly off the handle and let my rage and anger take over for a while.

Not saying this is necessarily right or wrong, it just is. It is the way I am. I don't mind it at time. I use my diagnoses to explain away my impulses when I do things that feel good at the moment but may not seem as such later on (i.e. self medication, flirting and beyond.)

Hi Wadingthruemotions! Well, no I can't say that I do. I'm pretty much "in the closet", so to speak. So using my mental illness is pretty much not an option for me.

The one way in which I would say that I do use it is as an excuse for myself. In other words if I fly off the handle or, more likely, get angry with myself over something I did, & then throw a tantrum, I'll tell myself that I'm not to blame... it's because of my mental illness!

[pbutton]

Hiding behind anxiety makes it stronger. So, no, I try my absolute hardest not to let it run the show.

[ultramar]

There are different ways to 'benefit' from one's diagnoses, one of them is to use it as an excuse for certain behaviors, whether to others or probably more commonly to oneself.

But something related recently came up in a different forum, which got me thinking about how I've noticed that for some people a diagnosis can kind of usurp one's identity -if you are always seeing how you behave, how you think, how you experience things through the lens of your diagnoses, you can lose your 'self' in this, looking and finding (or thinking/hoping you're finding) that all and sundry are indications of and/or proof of the diagnosis.

As far as a benefit to the above, I think that if one already has a kind of shaky identity, not a strong sense of self, a diagnosis can provide that solidity one craves. The danger is that it can narrow down considerably the possibilities of who you were in the past, who you are in the present, and who you can become in the future, impede/deflect a more open and deep exploration of the many facets of your identity, where you come from, where you're going.

I try very hard to hide my DID. Not because i am embarassed about it, because the is nothing wrong with having DID, but it isnt anyones business and i refuse to use any excuses for my behavior.

[sunrise]

Yes. There was one quarter at school when I used my ADHD diagnosis to get special accommodations for test taking. I only had to use it that one quarter because the regular testing site then was so noisy and I just could not keep focused. It was really helpful to be able to take the test in a quiet room with no distractions.

[anilam]

No, never, guess I think it's my personal thing (everybody has stg) and I don't want anyone to know (only in therapy and here do I discuss my problems).
I don't think hiding behind your diagnoses can be much helpful for you and yes, it can be quite off-putting for others in the long run.

[likelife]

My pdoc wrote a letter for me advocating for a reduced work schedule several years ago because I was struggling with unremitting depression. She really had to talk me into that though.

I did before I received help. I'd grown up starved of love. To survive I'd become twisted & believed if I had something on the outside (dx) to show my insides I would get what I craved.

After yrs of therapy I have gotten that love hunger fed in a realistic way. No longer having dx. Well at least not being able to tick the boxes dx require.

I am finding myself more open about my diagnosis these days. The people around me have shown themselves to be very supportive and curious (a good sort of curious) about what I go through. They have asked me really good questions about my bipolar disorder, not out of morbid curiousity, but because they truly have a desire to become more knowledgeable about the disorder.

Do I use my diagnosis to my benefit? No, I can't say I do. In fact, if anything, I err on the side of not asking for what I really need. My employers and friends have encouraged me not to do that in the future. My principal said "Don't EVER put this job before your mental health. We'll figure out how to handle things if you have to be gone."

[Bloem]

No, therefore I am to ashamed. I have kept it long 'hidden' for others but of course they saw that something was going on, especially with my bipolar disorder. When I was manic I did a lot and talked to everyone you could not stop me, i was everywhere.
after that i often got in a depression, total opposite. I began to isolate and spoke to no one, very confusing for people around me. Some people were angry and did not understand what was going on. it certainly broke friendships. Eventually I decided to be open to my good close friends(not many) about my diagnosis.

That was a good decision, not that it is an excuse for my behavior. But now they know they understand it more and sometimes see before me the signals and alerting me to take a step back.

Bloem

[southpole]

No, I haven't.

But recently I have started to learn self-compassion for things I "failed" at because of my illness. I am giving myself credit for dealing with all that I have (both dx wise and trauma wise).I'm starting to learn to forgive myself for things that I've done now that I recognise the role that my mental illness has played at crucial points in my life. That is, recognition that being bipolar is not a walk in the park and could explain why I have suffered in my life.

[Sistah]

Very few people know about my illnesses. I don't want people to treat me like I'm ill or fragile.

[learning1]

I didn't get to read the op. But I like the idea of turning a diagnosis around and using it as a benefit (not as an excuse). That's what I thought the thread would be about from the subject line, but it seems like most people worry about using it as an excuse. I liked what Chris wrote about being okay asking for what she needs. Sometimes it's hard to tell what's a need though, but it seems like Chris understands her needs pretty clearly. I think it's cool you're being more open about your dx Chris.

I think I might use my depression as a benefit the way southpole described, for understanding my past. I don't think I use depression as an excuse, as I never call myself depressed (except in a casual way) to anyone except therapists. I don't really know how I'd use it as a benefit in current life... maybe knowing when I need to go to bed earlier or take a break from work or something... I don't know if I could be so sure about what my "needs" are as Chris.

Oh, I also think the person who got the extra space on the plane had a totally awesome way of using a dx as a benefit . I wonder if the air carriers would let people do that these days... they really ought to give everyone more room to move around for health reasons anyway.

"I liked what Chris wrote about being okay asking for what she needs. Sometimes it's hard to tell what's a need though, but it seems like Chris understands her needs pretty clearly."

"I don't know if I could be so sure about what my "needs" are as Chris. "

Let me expound:

Understanding and actually advocating for what I need is something that has grown slowly for me. I've learned to know when I "need" time off so I can admit myself to the hospital and to be able to say directly that that is what I am doing without too much fear or shame about the matter. That's a huge step for me.

On a smaller scale, I'm learning to recognize aspects of my job that drove me into this last manic episode. I teach, and this year has been VERY goal driven (new goals in a new building with a new principal with brand new technology using new apps and new teaching methods, etc.). You get the idea. It was a combination "built" to set off my mania, and I never saw it coming. Being/feeling "driven" is one of my triggers for mania, and I went back to work realizing where things had gone so awry for me.

My biggest fear in returning to school is that my department/grade level had decided to put together this huge research project/paper/symposium, and I had great anxiety about going into that project feeling unprepared and uneasy about how the whole thing was going to work. I was anxious about it and I hadn't even started it yet. So, rather than do what I have done all year and plunge head first into the deep, dark waters of a project I was uncertain of, I advocated for myself. I told (not asked) my department chair and my principal that I was not going to take my students through the project because I didn't need that kind of stress in my life at this moment. I would meet my students' educational needs/objectives through other assignments that I was already familiar with and join them next year on the project after they've worked out all the kinks. They both agreed without hesitation, and I have been so relieved.

I don't think you have to throw your diagnosis around as some trump card, but what my T and pdoc have been teaching me is that I have to weigh my decisions against the effect they will have on my mental health, particularly with bipolar disorder. I'm learning to advocate for myself and finding most people are truly willing to hear me out and support my decisions.

Originally Posted by wadingthruemotions

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Despite the fact that you decided to take this thread down... it really encouraged allot of members to write excellent comments!