How honest do you want your T to be?

How honest do you want your T to be about their feelings for you in the moment? Particularly if they're angry or annoyed.

I expect honesty from my T, and that is what I get. I don't know that he's ever been particularly angry with me, but he has definitely communicated frustration over certain things. It doesn't bother me as he has a way of framing his feelings so as not to be insulting or cruel in any way. Generally he takes those times as a teaching/learning moment. That's how I accept them.

My T is VERY honest and usually apologises after!

Her words often hurt, but her opinion matters to me.

I don't see what the therapist's feelings about me have to do with anything. I don't really want them wasting my time and money telling me about it.

That is a good question. If you tell them to "be honest", aren't you telling them how to do their job? That's how my t would answer me when I kept bugging him about being honest. He just kept saying, "I know how to do my job." Probably more important for us to be honest and expand on what we're saying?

You can learn a great deal from being aware of how others react/respond to you or by understanding what it is about you or, more likely, your behavior that elicits such an emotional response. It's about relationship.

I personally appreciate that my T tells me how he feels, what reactions are caused by my behaviour... Good and bad- I prefer the bad, IDK why, I just do.
Anyway, think it's important (not ATT but often enough)- therapy IS about the RS with your T too.

I grew up in an abusive household and transference makes me think my T is angry or irritated with me all the time. So we have an agreement that I can ask if he's angry and he will tell me. I often assume he is. I am right 0% of the time.

I have no idea if he's being honest! I need him to reassure me more than I need actual honesty. But I think that, as my T, he is being honest - it's just that his answer would be different if he wasn't my T. If he was my friend, I'd annoy the heck out of him, I'm sure.

I expect honesty from my T and I get that. She is very good about being gentle in her honesty and not attacking or belittling. Usually, my T uses her honesty to show me how I can be more honest with others in my own interactions. On the rare times where her honesty has been hurtful to me, we've discussed it and she's apologized where needed. In those cases, it was usually my own issues which caused me to take things in a way other than she intended.

I would like my T to be honest. As a matter of fact, she has been challenging me a lot lately and asked me if I was okay with that. I told her that I don’t just need a cheerleader. Otherwise, I could call my mom and/or grandmother and just have them say, “Rah, Rah, Rah, Content!” My T is always honest. I think she is good, as others have said, about framing things. I do not believe that I have ever made her angry or mad. My personal issues that led me to counseling are depression and anxiety, and I am a fairly easy-going person. In other words, my issues don’t tend to be the type that anger others, including my T. However, if I was doing something that was annoying or wrong or harmful, then I would definitely want to know so that I could work on changing myself, as I don’t want to hurt or harm others. Of course, I can’t constantly worry about what everyone thinks about me (one of the problems that I have as a perfectionist/people-pleaser), but if I am in the wrong, I want to own it, apologize for it, and change it moving forward. I am in therapy for emotional and mental improvement; so, not wanting honesty would be counterproductive.

Why would they be angry or annoyed?

Well my parents didn't like me to complain about anything so when I talk about my problems I always think my T will be angry.

Also when I get upset and freak out and say I'm quitting as I've lost the image of the good-enough therapist due to trust issues I always think he will be angry. He never is though.

I'm the same way. Constantly worrying that T is angry with me.
One of my other issues is being able to trust my perceptions so I do sort of need T to acknowledge when he is frustrated. I lived for so many years with confusing contradictory messages- being told that the person was NOT angry when they were attacking me, they love me when hurting me, etc. (sorry not explaining right I know) The point is I need to learn to trust my instincts and have someone be honest with me about what is happening. For the longest time T would deny ever being angry or frustrated. Now he understands me better and will sometimes admit to the frustration and explain to me what it is about. Usually what I am picking up is his frustration with the people in my life who won't stop harassing me or his anger at the perpetrators- not at me.

In two years, it has only been an issue for me once, when I thought T was angry with me (he didn't call me back because he didn't get the message). He wasn't angry and I don't think I generally have issues with thinking people have certain emotions directed at me that I can't figure out. I think that I used to, but I am now pretty good at checking out my perceptions, or just asking people what's up.

This is my feeling exactly. I often misinterpret other people's reactions and I'm very bad about speaking up in the moment. I want T to respond with honest emotions so I can see how my actions elicit responses from other people.

Example: In one session I thought that he was being somewhat defensive. I was able to bring it up, and we had an interesting conversation about whether my behavior/attitude caused him to be defensive, or whether it was his "stuff."
The honesty is important.

I have to admit that more than once I have deliberately tried to make my T angry. I've also deliberately tried to annoy him.

Why? That's what I'm in therapy for

You are right hankster I never thought about it like that but it is telling the t how to do their job.
My t has asked if it was ok to be honest with me and I always say; sure hit me with your best bullet.

Oh, yeah, I've done this at least once. He did not get angry, or act annoyed. Just compassionate.

What an @ss

I want my T to be honest but at the same time, I don't always like when she is. At my last session, she told me I was "challenging". I don't want to be challenging!

My former T got angry when I was annoyed that she took away the pillow I always held. She was using it for her back but I didn't know that. When I said I wanted "my pillow" she said something about the "d--- pillow". I don't know why I stayed with her for so many years.

Same here

It is important for me that my T lets me know what she is thinking and feeling, as much as possible. I am a caretaker to my core, and so even in therapy, I will try to read my T and care for her. If I know she will be honest with me about what is going on for her, then I don't have to be constantly trying to figure it out. It helps us be more productive if we can *both* be honest.

I will pretty much say anything I am feeling (not shy about just saying stuff and putting it out there), assuming I can identify it, sometimes that is an issue...so I would want my T to say whatever it is he wants to say about any thoughts, feelings, or observations he has. I think that is part of what I am paying him for, and I appreciate that trait.
I have had mostly Ts who are a lot more interested in asking me questions then saying what is on their mind or giving me their observations, however, unless I ask specific questions...and even then I am often responded to with more questions, usually related to how I feel about x,y, or z, etc.

My t is very honest about all her feelings and i appreciate that. Even when she is all grouchy and telling me that Im pissing her off When she is honest about the hard stuff, it makes it easier for me to believe her when she says the good stuff like that she loves me.

I would want my T to be very honest with me. I want to hear the good and bad sides of myself. I want him to voice it so we can hash it out and maybe he can help me see something new about myself. I want to hear bad but I also want to hear the good too. If you can only tell me my bad side then don't bother.

Right now I'm angry with my T but I still love him. I wonder if he could say the same...I don't think he could...oh well....

Being in therapy your in for a surprise then. We can't make anyone feel anything.