Couch 51 - They also serve

Ready...so glad it went well. My xt used to say.."you don't know, or you don't want to say?" And make me clarify. Not make me say it, just make me own up to whether I really didn't know or if I was avoiding.

Thanks murray and mastodon for the intro...you are both sweet.

I think I did learn the term from my beloved French teacher! That is so funny. He was always complaining that he had to teach us English grammar first in order to teach us French - except for me, of course . Honor is a much better example of the issue, thanks. Historical in the middle of a sentence is definitely controversial.

I miss XT

I don't want trauma t
I don't want Frau T
I don't want any other T.
It's been almost a year, and most times I don't care...but today, I just want to text him so badly. I want to say "please, take me back". I want to go in his office and bawl. I just want to hear his soothing calm voice.

GADS!

Why the hellz do I want a freaking t?
Please remind me why I am t-less? Please?

Wiki... I'm no help.... even though I'm learning a lot about myself and self awareness with current T... I have no connection to her like I felt with xT... and watching Paul in action just sets me off in missing my xT... (still not to the part why people don't like Paul of in Treatment so don't ruin it for me)

Wiki... why can't you call him? would he take you back?

My current T asked me recently if I thought I would work better with xT now? would I want to try? when all I've done is complain about him and say how much easier things are with her....

Wikid, I remember the issues you had with him. Do you think you would trust him anymore this time? Maybe you could try another male therapist?

woah that's alot to digest! i guess i'll start with hugging the ones that does not like hugs... who knows, maybe they would like it?

So I am off to get my hair cut and dyed for the first time in ages. I really want to get a gorgeous red-violet that I have been thinking about for many months. The thing is, I'm about to start looking for a job and suspect that the more tame, safe color is what I SHOULD get

Oh and I'm waiting for a call back from T....had a very bad interaction with ex and sort of lost it and did a bit of SI and then emailed T about it(for some reason I always feel the need to "confess" or something).....anyway, he said we should discuss things at some point today....

wikid, I wish I knew what to say. Give yourself a break - you have gone through so much this past year.

Why did I email T? If he doesn't write back I am going to tear my own head off my body and throw it away. I can't DO this. Why do I not LEARN to avoid sending him emails? WHY?!>?! Damn it. I see him on Tuesday. This could have waited. Damn me.

Hang in there, pbutton. Letting him see is a GOOD THING. Hopefully, letting them in helps us let go of shame and pain that are not ours, right?

No, MKAC. That only applies to you and everyone else on this board. I get to keep all of my secrets and be unhealthy and riddled with shame. It's just the way the world is, you see...

I agree Wiki...relax. We are here for you...

So now it looks like moving to FortWorth TX or Casper Wyoming

me and daisy...alone

I just want to jump on the couch and take my clothes off

Holy crap! I don't log on yesterday because I had my inservice and the couch adds over 20 pages. No way I can catch up on that.

I got a call from the senior care agency today, my references checked out, so I went and got fingerprinted today. That will take a few days to "clear" so now it's just waiting on the state to run the check. As long as my fingerprints/background check come back clean, I am hired. I'm not worried about it. I figure if I passed the background check for the school board, then I will pass this background check.

C's mom needs me one morning a week now too, so that is good. I will just have to tell the senior care place I am not available until late morning that day. They said my hours would be flexible though. So that should be okay.

Don't know how much the senior care place pays, but it has to be at least minimum wage, which I think is a little over 7 bucks. So, that's not bad for a summer job.

Well, I need to try to clean today as I've been slacking off on it all week and have C's home team meeting tomorrow morning.

I hope everyone is having a good Friday.

EDIT: Just googled minimum wage in FL and it is $7.79/hr. That's "livable" for the summer.

No. No, that is not the way to start. The hugs will not be liked.

Pbutton - breathe

LC-i would want fort worth. Lots more to do and people to play with

I did it. I've been thinking about doing it for a month or more now. I sort of know what I'm hoping to get out of it...but not sure I could communicate it so anyone could understand...

You know how something happens.... you act a certain way...its like your pattern... then you realize your pattern and you decide you want to do it differently... and if you can't undo it you just don't want to view it as "a failure" or another one of the times you screwed up"... So I'm hoping to be able to "reframe" it...think of it differently...

I called my xT. He said I could always come back. I asked if he had any appointments. Not sure ....maybe a big mistake and it may not but I won't know if I don't try.

ETA: of course I will have to wait for his response, that is if he responds... but I'm not upset or panicky or anything about it (yet)

Im looking up the ratio of bi curious women to women and men to women etc...

Anyone ever been to casper?

I asked my H if he could think of any good that could come out of me calling xT...he said sure if you want to catch up on all that has happened in xT's life its the perfect thing to do. (I used to complain my T talked about himself too much)

I told my H I was impressed...it is the first time that he was quick witted with sarcasm that could equal mine. H just said if that is how you want to spend $120 then go at it.

This is NOT the clothing optional couch, jkbob. LOL. Clothes stay ON.

I'll pay ten bucks to the first person who walks in and shouts that at the start of their next therapy session.

Great, now I have to go wash my brain with lye....

I hugged you anyway!

We could all use some extra warmth anyway...

Anyway why is it that whenever I go into therapy... half the time, halfway through therapy I feel like sleeping?!