I find I still struggle internally if T does or says anything thàt in my eyes diminishes her
Why does this happen? Not her ACTUALLY being diminished, but my inability to comprehend her 'wholeness'.

Perhaps because I had to much of that experience with my mother? Perhaps the attachment between us was so brittle it couldn't withstand any form of disillusionment?

To experience her as a whole person I had to split? When I feel T diminishing I am reminded of how catastrophic that once was?

[rainbow8]

Your reasoning makes sense. Have you discussed it with your T? I think it would be productive since she's "right there" and it's about your feelings for her. I think you're talking about something else, but when I found out my T is getting a divorce, it gave me a sinking feeling, like "she can't do that to me". Of course she's not doing it to ME, but it diminishes her wholeness in a way, too.

[Miswimmy1]

I'm not sure I understand what "diminishes" means, but maybe in your mind, youve put her in this superhero type role... the one who is there to help you and save you or whatever your case may be... i mean, thats how my old t was to me... a saving grace. and when something happens, its kind of a reality check and you get to see her/his human side and that therefore diminishes the idealic image you have?