swearing

so you are supposed to repress your feelings and express yourself in strict socially accepted ways? actually, swearing is sorta accepted anyways.

Why pay for therapy then? Is what many do in everyday life.

I think it's a respect thing not to correct the person in pain who is seeking assistance. It's not like you're cursing AT her, right? Shoot, I have even cursed AT my therapist, and he just rolls with it. I really would change therapists over something like that.

Can you ask your T why she corrects your swearing?

I swear occasionally in therapy and my T knows something must really be upsetting me if I use a swear word, because it is such a rare occurrence. So it has communicative value.

I don't swear in therapy... I think it would make the room feel very unsafe. Maybe that is why she is correcting you? She wants you to have a safe, comfortable place. But it sounds like her intentions are not giving you what you want, therefore you should tell her to stop correcting you...

how would make it the room unsafe? And f-word is not gonna punch you in face, F-word will not hurt you. It's word like every other and has appropriate use. Distress is one of them.

Venus, let me give you a real life example that might explain this. A few months ago my teenage son was hospitalized. In a session with a therapist, he really lost control, physically and verbally. He was swearing in a manner that was completely out of character for him, and it terrified him. He felt completely unsafe and completely out of control. He had never spoken that way before, nor has he since. The swearing itself made him feel unsafe because it was so out of character for him. It is an event that he has really had to process through with his therapist.

Swearing isn't "natural" to everyone. So, like someone else said, swearing out of character from your usual verbal style, would be really communicative. On the other hand, I've seen people who literally swear several times in every single sentence they speak and they don't even realize they are doing it. They aren't swearing for any reason other than habit, and sometimes if that habit is excessive (such as in the case I just mentioned), it is being substituted for clear communication. In that case, I could see a T trying to work with a client to stifle the habit and really get to what they are truly needing to express in a clearer manner. It doesn't sound like that is the case for the OP though, so I would think she and her T need to have a discussion about why the swearing issue is an important one to the T.

I'd imagine that it would be something useful to bring up to your T - especially in the context of how it makes you feel. It may spark a valuable discussion about perhaps feeling controlled...or chastised...or something else.

I use swear words on occasion, and my T has on occasion as well. It's not a big deal. But he has never tried to censor me in that way. I would feel put off by it if he did, but I'd hope that I would be able to address it with him so we could both come to an understanding and perhaps learn something along the way.

Being corrected for my speech would make me feel unsafe.

I don't often swear in therapy, but it's perfectly okay if I do. He will sometimes mirror my language, which kind of cracks me up. He's kind of teddy bear-like and it's completely incongruous to hear swear words coming from him.

My Ts swear and I do, too...I am not a child and don't need a "parent" correcting me. This would drive me nuts. Damnit. Hugs to you!

I do swear a lot. The therapist has sworn. But the big deal for me would be a therapist who thought they got to "correct" me. Absolutely not.

I agree but some may associate swearing with a traumatic past

I don't think I could stay with a T who corrected me. My new T swears a lot more than I do. I actually like it because she takes things that I tend to say very carefully and give them a lot more of an emotional punch. Makes me feel like I don't need to be so timid.

Growing up, swearing of any kind was absolutely forbidden. My parents still don't swear. I heard my mom say crap for the first time in 36 years a few weeks ago. A lot of other things were forbidden too. It's so freeing for me to be able to swear. I don't do it often, and I never swear at anyone. There are times, though, when a swear articulates the point much more clearly and succinctly than any other more "sophisticated" language.

I say if u can't take the heat get out of the f-ing kitchen baby! We r silent r whole childhood she would have to kiss my A S S!

I find that f**ing outrageous. I don't believe she is trying to "help" you find other ways to express yourself, I think she is just a prude. It sounds very disruptive, frankly, and unacceptable.

On some level I agree. On another level, I know we have to pick our battles wisely.

In therapy, especially at first, it has to be about what we say and not how we say it. The battle is with talking, not how we talk.

If, as you say, swearing is an automatic habit, then it's rather like using bad grammar. If my therapist corrected my grammar I would be livid and think "wow, could he miss the point even more?"

that's what I think is going on here. A gigantic missing of the point.

Exactly Elliemay, I couldn't agree more because instead of listening to what we are saying she is listening to how we say it...

I adore the 'c' word. At lady at work who suffers bipolar disorder used that word a lot when in manic mode. I embraced her & the word whilst other work collegues avoided her.
We greet each other now using that word. A quick good morning 'c@@t' feels so freeing. The word feels like a familiar friend. It's all how we look at something. Break free from all the old 'bible belt' teachings.

well, but that's not really OP's scenario. Client decides what is "safe". If you don't feel safe, it would be bad if T forced you to swear. If a T cannot handle few un-lady-like words... how can they handle the stories told in those words?

yeah... wonder if OP's T corrects slang too?

How old are you, Elektra? Are you a minor? I keep coming back to this, wondering about this situation. First, I am still amazed at the audacity that anyone would DARE to correct another person on this issue. I mean, it's one thing to say to a friend or acquaintance, 'hey that really bothers me. Could you please not curse?' and a whole 'nuther thing to correct the other person. Second, why would anyone continue to see a therapist who dared to correct him or her? Why are you staying, Elektra? Are there other ways in which this relationship is valuable to you?
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Just curious, and you don't have to answer obviously, but I am curious about other people's responses to the first thing. Is it acceptable to correct another adult or even someone else's child about this issue? As opposed to simply asking them not to do it.

I refrained from commenting on this thread for a while but now I'm going to throw in my two cents.

I agree with the other posters who have said that the point of the therapist is likely that you need to make the effort to find the words to describe how you are feeling instead of acting out by swearing. Also I do think swearing can be a sign of disrespect.

On the issue of T "correcting" her, I wonder if T is giving her a gentle reminder to find better ways of expressing herself as opposed to "calling her out" for making a mistake.

I also wonder if the swearing was over the top. Those who do it don't necessarily see the difference between cussing in every sentence and cussing once in a conversation. There is a difference IMO and perhaps that is where T is coming from.

My guess is that she is NOT trying to censor you. I do respect that is how it feels to you. Probably worth a conversation at your next appointment.

hi all. i REALLY appreciate all the replies it means a lot.

i cant reply to each one of u caz its difficult but as i said before i stayed caz this is my last resort to have a psychologist when i cant afford one. this is mental association that i found by chance online and they let me stay there for free. the 1st psych i had there decided to do it i dunno why... but i told her i had many psychs before and none of the ever mentioned anything about it.. she kept doing it anyway even though sometimes she would do the mad face but with little smile so i it didnt bother much. that one was dismissed recently and now i have another. this one really is a ***** about it and does a REALLY bad face which pisses me off. actually this last session i kind spoke a little louder and the ***** said "im not deaf!!" with a mad face so i just sent her an email saying i dont want her as psych. thing is i bet if i have another psych she will do the same. guessing they are to fancy to hear swearing lololol i dunno

I will probably get slammed for this ... but OH well !

It is a T's right to not treat every Tom **** or Harry that comes in for a visit.

If the cursing bothers a T and they( client/patient) are unable to curb that in the visits. The she can terminate visits, done legally .

Patients get terminated for a variety of reasons all the time. Also Patients change there Therapists all the time.

Personally If my T cursed during our session I would lose respect for him.

True, both clients and therapists get to choose whether to engage with each other. I would choose not to continue with a therapist who was unhinged by swearing.

When I started with my T 3 years ago, it was her that did the cursing. I do not curse that much. But now I noticed, I curse more when I'm around her. Funny.

I would discuss that with your T. If you don't swear outside of sessions, why inside?

Swear words don't "express" anything; they're meaningless, "What the #uck is that?" could be about anger, frustration, puzzlement, fear, almost any emotion out there (and, could be further confusing because "that" is not defined either); using the words to better describe what is going on with one's self communicates to another person better, so the other person can respond to you better.

I don't know exactly "how" your T "corrects" you but I would be inclined to ask, "Why did you swear at me instead of telling me what you wanted me to know?"

If you do not like your T's corrections, tell her about it; "When you correct my use of words like this (stay present), I feel controlled (stay with what you feel, your T is not making you feel, you are feeling; it is not about T) and like a child, instead of like an adult able to pick and use whatever words I would like in a situation."