Couch 52 - Are you being served?

I'm certainly not mad at you, granite. I totally understand the silence part....and I still kinda agree with that approach. I'm trying to break into something different in the hopes that it helps, and it's super scary....but that certainly doesn't take away from the fact that I totally get that silence feels much, much safer.

And that's AWESOME about your step sister! That's great that you'll have the opportunity to reconnect!

Back from my T session.....I feel awful.

I didn't do much work....and T pushed. We talked about coT a bit, and I was really struggling with it. Then, T started talking about why I sit where I do in group...and made some connections which left me feeling very out of sorts by the end of the session. It was too late in the session to open up a can of worms - and now I'm feeling

And then T tells me that he's going on vacation soon for about 3 weeks which means I may go a month without a session..

T says he wants me to try to push myself to get as much done as we can before he goes on vacation. I don't want to have all this craziness stirred up and then feel abandoned with it for a month. I need to make progress, somehow.

thanks everyone .i was just thinking i was not using the right words and not comming across as i might have wanted to .sometimes it is hard for me to tell.

i am terrified about this thing with my sister . it can be kind of volitile .a lot of history between us .a lot of hurt that can not be healed. at this point i might just let it be .i told her i looked at her pic and wow her babies were all grown up and she had a beautiful family . i think that is all for now

Sounds like you made a good first step with your step sister. I understand the desire to be cautious and take things slowly. Hopefully you both can figure out how to build a relationship in the present. It's hard to overcome past hurts, especially if it's too scary to address.

my brother commited SU and i had a step brother who died of aids.so my step sister was the only other family member who could validate how things were.she was there for some of it. she had to know. anyway after a bunch of drama with the mother ,step farther ,the death of my step brother ,my sister kind of put me in the group of being like the mother .it was so hurtfull. i understand that the mother treated her and her kids horrible. but i couldnt do anything about that.i think she wanted me to hate the mother for her. funny thing is she always thought the mother treated me way better then her .lol she was already 16 when they got married the mother hated her but didn't abuse her .maybe emotionally. anyway just thinking out loud.

I really need to find a way to stay grounded.....I HATE leaving my T sessions feeling this way - like I'm about to self-destruct.

Going to go back to doing some cleaning. That should help expel some of this pent up anxiety.....

i would wait untill after T's vacation but i am the master of avoidence

(((( granite ))))

You both have endured some really difficult things - and I'm sure you each have your own perceptions about what the other went through. I hope that you and your step sister can find a way to communicate so that you can both heal.

Yeah, granite, I kinda wish that this wasn't happening right now. Not the best time for me to be working on this. But considering it's taken me 4 years to finally make some forward movement in this area, I'm sure T doesn't want me to take steps backwards now. I can't imagine how much we can cover in such a short time - and I'm afraid T will push too hard because he wants me to be at a certain place at a certain time. It just doesn't happen that way.

Step 5 - whitewash letters

Very cool, wiki!

Well, I am home from the senior place and all caught up on the couch. I didn't have to file again today...the owner had an emergency with a client to attend to, so I got to sit with K all day again. I like this job so far. And next week they need me an extra day, so I will get 23 hours in instead of my usual 18. Yay, more money.

Grainte, I'm glad you were able to reconnect with your sister on facebook. I reconnected with several people I went to hig school with who hated me in high school and picked on me, but apologized after graduation and then requested to be my friend. I believe in giving people 2nd chances, so maybe your sister is feeling that way now too.

I am going to be a busy beaver next week. 2 days I have the senior place and C, back to back. Makes for long days...but it is worth it.

I have additional hours with the senior place the following week as well, since the regular girl for that day can't do it that week. I don't mind extra hours. I'm just amazed that I went from having barely enough hours to almost too many. I will still have Saturdays to relax.

Well, I'll pop back in later. I need to go eat a snack to hold me over until supper.

looking good

Finally had a chance to eat lunch. Lunch at 3:30 pm makes for a cranky MKAC. LOL.

My T this week talked about repressed memories, but I keep repressing what he said. LOL. Seriously though, my head starts to hurt every time I try to remember what he said.

Err...lunch...I knew I forgot something! I have been picking at fresh strawberries from the organic farm all afternoon though. And the guys will be home soon for dinner. Tonight is left over night...eggplant parm, Indian takeout, kale soup...all the lovelies from the week.

gads MKAC...repressed memories. Yikes. I have a hard enough time with the un-repressed ones.

um...Ready...did you delete your response??

Step 6- distress it

How on earth do you "distress" something? I know all about being distressed, but I'd imagine this is something quite different.

ha ha ha MUE...funny.

I beat the hell out of it with a hammer, and then used some coarse sandpaper. Looking for that severely beach-worn look.

My daughter and I are getting on each others nerves. Neither one of us has any tolerance for each other right now - so any word that comes out of my mouth or hers gets the other one even more annoyed. GAH! I have no idea how to handle feeling this way and being a good mom at the same time.

The fact that my daughter is not being helpful AT ALL with the cleaning doesn't help. I've asked her to do certain things, and she hasn't done them. And then she wonders why I'm irritated.

I need to get into yoga or meditation or something....because all I end up doing is medicating, which isn't the healthy way to handle things.

Woah, wiki....That sounds like a de-stressing type of activity! I need to get a hammer and start banging some things up....that sounds like stress relief to the max.

I know a lot of you have gone thru this...but: that painful moment that you realize someone has blocked you. Ouch. I had no idea I set someone off that badly. Grrr.

MUE - with your daughter, I think she is just being a tween (slang for idiot...lol). I would demand she does certain things, and remove privileges if she neglects to. Just make sure you don't give her overwhelming tasks. At 12 they need simple tasks that only take 15 - 20 min to complete...one task at a time. Their frontal cortex is still not developed. They don't reason well.

Thanks, wiki. It seems like every task I give her, she asks for my help with, which annoys the living S H I T out of me.

Taking out the recycle - Mom, there's so many bags! Can you help? NO!! MAKE TWO TRIPS!

Grabbing too many bags - Mom, can you open the door for me? NO! Put the bags down to open the door or take fewer bags and make more trips!

Seriously. STOP ASKING FOR MY HELP WITH YOUR CHORES!!!

Whew. Thanks for letting me vent.