[Raging Quiet]

My T feels like a stranger, I feel she wants to get rid of me, she doesn't even try anymore. Here are some quotes and events from today;

Knowing about my CSA and talking about an hour exam & consultation at the hospital next week that is giving me crying and panic attacks; 'Rectopathic, it isn't JUST you, no-one likes them.' End of discussion.

On asking to see my scars that I was speaking honestly about (I know!) 'there's hardly anything there.' Belittling my concern again. She's doesn't care that I s/h, she says its stupid. Do you know how vulnerable I felt showing her?! I wanted to disappear.

Talking about next weeks appointment 'Rectopathic, your hospital appointment is next week so I probably won't see you' Firstly we had a long talk that my appointment at the hospital is 9am, my session with T is 9 hours later!! She was hoping I wouldn't be able to make it, and to think I was going to ask for an extra session! No talks about coping methods, just 'relax' in the exam.

I feel like 5 years has gone down the drain and there isn't much point seeing a new T.

There was so many things, it felt like everything she said was one sentence , she got angry I couldn't relax, shes seeing my closest friend tomorrow (ethical?) I just had to cry on the way home. I went into the session saying sorry for not working hard enough and that I wanted for therapy to work no matter how hard. She finished early and I just wanted to run out.

I should have given her my termination letter and left. Why I thought I could fix this rupture is beyond me. It hurts. I'm obviously meant to go through IVF alone; another thing she doesn't understand. She doesn't follow up on anything and never asks how I feel. I feel like I've lost a friend who just doesn't care. I don't know what I can do to fix this; I'm doing everything she asks.

Sorry

[Bill3]

I am sorry that your T was so invalidating. I am sorry for the hurt, the pain.

[wotchermuggle]

Oh my, that really sounds like a terrible experience

I am sorry RectO

[unaluna]

Maybe she thought you were going to have to remain in the position after the procedure so you couldn't make the appointment, and or didn't keep track of which appointment this was. You don't have any family besides your husband? I still don't get why you're going thru with this at this time. It's like you have no control over your life.

[Raging Quiet]

Originally Posted by hankster

Maybe she thought you were going to have to remain in the position after the procedure so you couldn't make the appointment, and or didn't keep track of which appointment this was. You don't have any family besides your husband? I still don't get why you're going thru with this at this time. It's like you have no control over your life.

Hi, thank you for your comment.

She knew the procedure I was having, at this point it's the last observation before hormones start.

My family are unable to support me at this time; my husband and I are each others support. I just want to get pregnant and start my new chapter.

I'm confused what you mean about 'this time', it's the fact it's taken so long and we've had to deal with infertility that has made me unable to cope.

Take care x

[tinyrabbit]

I'm really sorry your T was so invalidating.

(((Hugs)))

Originally Posted by Rect0pathic

My T feels like a stranger, I feel she wants to get rid of me, she doesn't even try anymore. Here are some quotes and events from today;

Knowing about my CSA and talking about an hour exam & consultation at the hospital next week that is giving me crying and panic attacks; 'Rectopathic, it isn't JUST you, no-one likes them.' End of discussion.

On asking to see my scars that I was speaking honestly about (I know!) 'there's hardly anything there.' Belittling my concern again. She's doesn't care that I s/h, she says its stupid. Do you know how vulnerable I felt showing her?! I wanted to disappear.

Talking about next weeks appointment 'Rectopathic, your hospital appointment is next week so I probably won't see you' Firstly we had a long talk that my appointment at the hospital is 9am, my session with T is 9 hours later!! She was hoping I wouldn't be able to make it, and to think I was going to ask for an extra session! No talks about coping methods, just 'relax' in the exam.

I feel like 5 years has gone down the drain and there isn't much point seeing a new T.

There was so many things, it felt like everything she said was one sentence , she got angry I couldn't relax, shes seeing my closest friend tomorrow (ethical?) I just had to cry on the way home. I went into the session saying sorry for not working hard enough and that I wanted for therapy to work no matter how hard. She finished early and I just wanted to run out.

I should have given her my termination letter and left. Why I thought I could fix this rupture is beyond me. It hurts. I'm obviously meant to go through IVF alone; another thing she doesn't understand. She doesn't follow up on anything and never asks how I feel. I feel like I've lost a friend who just doesn't care. I don't know what I can do to fix this; I'm doing everything she asks.

Sorry

Sorry for this recto, all of the above is very invalidating. From what you are sharing here it seems as though your t is taking the tough t approach. Was she always this invalidating? Maybe she feels like this is the only way to get through to you is to downplay your problems. I absolutely do not agree with this approach but it helps some people to move on with their lives.
As for her not following up on anything, I know that some ts will do this because by asking you something it will be taking control of your session. I mean they prefer to let you lead the conversation and to hold a space open for you to talk about what you like to talk about. Sometimes a t has to try and leave their nosiness and curiosity out of therapy. It might come across as not caring but it is because they care and want the client to use their time as they need it.
I really do not like the way she handled your scars. This was you at your most vulnerable and it wouldn't have hurt for her to acknowledge that and try not to normalize them or belittle them. If you see her again, I think this is important for you to tell her how this hurt so much and how much you are actually hurting physically and emotionally. I think that if you or anyone is S/h they are in pain and the scars are only the tip of the iceberg the real pain is inside waiting to be seen and acknowledged.

[Nelliecat]

Oh wow, that's terrible

[WePow]

I am very sorry. I understand... It hurts to trust so deeply and realize these things about the realationship.

I don't think you are meant to go through IVF alone. I know that two fertility clinics that I have gone to (in US) both had a counselor on staff. You should ask at your appt tomorrow if there is anyone they know of so that you can have someone to talk over your feelings with while going through the process. I don't think you even need to mention any other issues that you have the fertility issue is enough.

[Miswimmy1]

Sorry you are hurting... (((((hugs)))))

[1stepatatime]

Sending LOTS of well wishes, great energy, and prayers your way...I hope that you can talk to your T about how you are feeling...see what happens, hopefully she will hear you

[Syra]

((((((hugs))))))
This sounds so painful. Actually, I had an invalidating therapist. I know how much it hurts.

My current T sometimes makes a mistake and it feels invalidating. But if I tell him about it he responds. he doesn't blame me, or judge me. But we can't tell our Ts how to be, just how we feel. I wish she responded to your pain.

[learning1]

This sounds like how I felt with my previous therapist at the end. It's really awful and I'm sorry. I hope it ends better for you than it did for me.

[stopdog]

It sounds awful. I am sorry you are experiencing this with the therapist.

[likelife]

I'm so sorry. This sounds absolutely awful, especially within the context of having worked together for five years.

I had a similar experience of feeling like, after six years of therapy, my T forgot how to empathize. The new T I've been seeing really seems to get me though. I'm surprised by it, to be honest. I'd encourage you to seek out someone with expertise in working with people with infertility concerns. I never thought I'd be one to say that it's ok to move on, even after a long T relationship, but it's been extremely helpful for me.

Hugs to you!

[CantExplain]

((Rect0pathic))

I can see you are very hurt, and I want to validate that.

It could be that you have misread the situation. But even if you have, it doesn't reflect well on your T. Maybe I expect too much, but a good T should avoid being misunderstood. Can't they tell that they are losing the patient's trust? Don't they care?

[WikidPissah]

I hope things go well for you. Really sorry your T chose to "normalize" things instead of validate your emotions.

[Raging Quiet]

You are all very kind. Thank you so much for all responses.

One of my best friends saw her last night for the first time in ages and was telling me about her session. T seemed so much more attentative to her needs. I can't believe this is ethical. In the UK, I'm sure it's called contamination.

I went to my GP yesterday and got put on medication for the first time in my life. I will terminate with T next week in the session she was reluctant to give me.

[Raging Quiet]

Originally Posted by Readytostop

I don't think you are meant to go through IVF alone. I know that two fertility clinics that I have gone to (in US) both had a counselor on staff. You should ask at your appt tomorrow if there is anyone they know of so that you can have someone to talk over your feelings with while going through the process. I don't think you even need to mention any other issues that you have the fertility issue is enough.

There is a counsellor at the IVF clinic, me and H had to see her for a mandatory appointment months ago. I may have to make another appointment with this fertility counsellor at the clinic if I have a 'breakdown' at the hospital.

The T mentioned in my thread is a private T, doesn't know about infertility.

Thank you for your comment.

[Raging Quiet]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

Sorry for this recto, all of the above is very invalidating. From what you are sharing here it seems as though your t is taking the tough t approach. Was she always this invalidating? Maybe she feels like this is the only way to get through to you is to downplay your problems. I absolutely do not agree with this approach but it helps some people to move on with their lives.
As for her not following up on anything, I know that some ts will do this because by asking you something it will be taking control of your session. I mean they prefer to let you lead the conversation and to hold a space open for you to talk about what you like to talk about. Sometimes a t has to try and leave their nosiness and curiosity out of therapy. It might come across as not caring but it is because they care and want the client to use their time as they need it.
I really do not like the way she handled your scars. This was you at your most vulnerable and it wouldn't have hurt for her to acknowledge that and try not to normalize them or belittle them. If you see her again, I think this is important for you to tell her how this hurt so much and how much you are actually hurting physically and emotionally. I think that if you or anyone is S/h they are in pain and the scars are only the tip of the iceberg the real pain is inside waiting to be seen and acknowledged.

My T used to always follow up; she likes to talk.

She has suddenly turned tough and angry - exactly like my father was and it scares me. Shes know all about him so I don't know why she's invalidating me like my dad did - it just hurts.

It was seeing the marks/scars on my wrist and legs that REALLY set me off. I actually had to rip my tights to show her. The way she reacted just froze me, I felt like a 'victim' showing her my thighs - an area my husband doesn't even see. She said they hardly looked bad and commented she thought they'd be worse. First of all, my scars are all over my body and secondly, I know I'm stupid (like she said.) She reacted so unprofessionally with no empathy.

There isn't a space to talk - as soon I get emotional during the psychotherapy bit she tells me to lie down on the coach and does the body biodynamic massage bit.



Thank you for your answer though - I have taken everything you said on board. x

[Syra]

Originally Posted by Rect0pathic

... I feel like I've lost a friend who just doesn't care. I don't know what I can do to fix this; I'm doing everything she asks.
Sorry

I could have written those words about losing my T. Losing a friend AND thinking she doesn't care. Trying so hard to do what seemed like the right and good thing to do for myself/yourself and the relationship, and being compliant, and it wasn't enough. I can sit with you about this, whether you stay and keep trying, or leave. Losing a friend can be very painful

[Raging Quiet]

Originally Posted by Syra

I could have written those words about losing my T. Losing a friend AND thinking she doesn't care. Trying so hard to do what seemed like the right and good thing to do for myself/yourself and the relationship, and being compliant, and it wasn't enough. I can sit with you about this, whether you stay and keep trying, or leave. Losing a friend can be very painful

Thank you so much. I'm tearing myself in half. Husband wants to speak to her and complain

I haven't slept for 3 nights now and he's upset I've recently got medication for anxiety from my gp thursday which this rupture was the last straw (Haven't started taking the tablets yet)

Thank you for your comment, it means a lot that you have shared and understand. xxxx

[Syra]

Originally Posted by Rect0pathic

Thank you so much. I'm tearing myself in half. Husband wants to speak to her and complain

I haven't slept for 3 nights now and he's upset I've recently got medication for anxiety from my gp thursday which this rupture was the last straw (Haven't started taking the tablets yet)

Thank you for your comment, it means a lot that you have shared and understand. xxxx

You're very welcome. I remember not sleeping, and crying all day (not really, but periodic throughout the day). Feeling enormously sad. It was rough. I was very attached to her. I am better now. It gets easier. I'm with someone much better now.