Couch 53 Bringing it All Back Home

It means be firm and resolute.
It is from Macbeth.

Thanks SD. Haven't read Macbeth since high school. I will endeavour to do so.

Macbeth is getting cold feet in the plans to kill Duncan (I think it is Duncan) and so Lady Macbeth tells him to buck up.
My version of 30 seconds of courage. I tell myself to screw courage to the sticking place all the time (seriously, I do talk like that to myself)

BP. One point I'd like to make:

You've said he wants to see the drawings you don't want to show him. That tells me two things. First, he trusts that you can handle this process, and two, that he must have a concept of what to do.

So.. you have an attraction and an attachment to him, and he trusts you... I'm sure he knows you well enough to understand, or you wouldn't feel so strongly towards him.

Trust that he understands what he's doing. Its just one session. You will get through to the other side.

Best of luck. Everyone here has confidence in you, and even if its really really hard, I know you'll have a ton of support here after.

Thanks, sd! That was great!! I do love me some juniper berries!!

Yes, logically I understand that he has an understanding of the process and he's expecting to see and hear certain things. But expressing my feelings is not comfortable for me and I feel terribly embarassed. I am terrified that he'll bring up things that shouldn't be brought up and I'll be devastated and lose all composure and cry. I know that's what I'm in therapy for.

I understand they aren't comfortable feelings. I'm sorry. I absolutely get it. You'd be shocked how much in fact.

There is nothing at ALL unnatural about your erotic thoughts. No one would exist if it wasn't for erotic thoughts.

They tell performers, if they are really anxious, to imagine their audience naked! Well.. you're one step ahead!

If you lose your composure, he'll have compassion. If you cry, he'll support you with a tissue and a soothing word... I'm sure.

Maybe instead of focusing on your embarrassment, just split some of that thought and maybe think it might be a bit hard for T, as well.

And like I said, you WILL get through this. I'm sure of it. And PC will be here after, too.

My main fear is, what if I can't stop crying? Sometimes these feelings overwhelm me so much I really feel as if I will die. I know logically I can't die from them and my T is always telling me that.

not comfortable with sharing info

1. You might cry. That's okay. That's why there is a big box of tissues and a very caring person who's OKAY if you cry.
2. You are in the worlds best place to be overwhelmed. A safe place. With someone that really "gets you" (so well that you're attracted)
3. You'll get through it. Of course.

You'll have done something hard, yes... but satisfying things are rarely easy, and breakthroughs rarely come at no risk.

I am completely sure you'll be fine-- You know T REALLY well. You feel safe enough there to care for T. You're safe. You'll be fine.

I am going on Monday, utterly blind. With a million issues, no idea if help will be there, or if they will be supportive. Its an emotional tightrope without a safety net.

I'll be here after my session, you'll be here after yours.

Sometimes you just need to suck in your breath and decide to do it. The session is coming, anyway... you'll be going anyway, because T matters to you. Just get this over. You'll be safe and fine.

I have been trying to understand why positive evaluations from students make me feel insecure. It's strange (and not consistent - sometimes it makes me feel good.)

I was in therapy previously and I realized I didn't like the sympathy.. then at the assessment I took this and said that I didn't want pity.

Then I realized it wasn't that... it was purely about sympathy or praise. I then refined a thought until it became a basic fear. Ultimately, I think my concern had two possible root causes;

(1) That I believe that a therapist is going to hide their internal feelings behind a facade of hypocritical approval of my negative aspects, thus the sympathy is potentially a lie, particularly the more negative I might feel it to be.
(2) I fear being dependent on someone that I extend all of the vulnerable feelings I have, that could so easily hurt me

Just learned that there is industrial action at my uni with the lecturers and our exam results won't be released until its resolved. I hope it's resolved by the end of July when they review our govt payments.

"Be bloody, bold and resolute," in fact.

Memorise this phrase:
"I'm not ready to talk about that just yet."

You mean "The Scottish play".

Thanks for the thought CE, but I've been saying that for 2 years now.

Looking over my drawings I realise that its not about sex or love. Maybe its about control, i think it equates to the dog in my first dream about T. My T was walking a dog, my dog, and wouldn't let me have it no matter how hard I tried to persuade or bribe him.

This is..

the way...

we spam...

the couch..

spam the couch...

early in the morning!

Bit early but what the hey!
Bounce Bounce!!