Couch 53 Bringing it All Back Home

My daughter is gone for the day, and I am busy cleaning - but taking breaks every now and then. I have so much to do. I already started getting that sinking feeling. Ugh.

With T going away for several weeks soon and my daughter being away probably at the same time, I'm getting scared about being so alone. The problem being - I sink into a depression and WANT to be alone. The thing I know I need to do is reach out, make plans, do stuff to keep me busy. But I know myself pretty well. I won't want to do those things. I'll want to be left alone. And I'm going to have to fight that urge tooth and nail. Blech.

Oh granite I dreamt about cooking eggs and my first husband. Now if only we can find someone who dreamed about toast and coffee and orange juice!

right !! and lets not forget apple jacks love emm

Hurting. Damn it. Why can't I just accept what is and appreciate what I have?

((( Mastodon )))

Feelings just ARE. I'm sorry you're hurting so much right now.

i want to make home made carmel corn today yummmmy

Thanks, mu_e.

(Mast) so sorry you are hurting.

I'm not normally an angry person at all but I keep seeing myself throwing and breaking things and just really letting loose with a major temper tantrum. So weird. I've never done that in my entire life and yet I keep wanting to do it...the image of me throwing my laptop across the room and possibly through the sliding glass door looks so satisfying.....but then I'd be out a laptop and door and a big mess to clean up....not used to this sort of rage. It isn't all the time, just waves sort of crashing over me. I will probably just eat instead....cause that's healthier right? lol

No kayaking today.. my stomach is really, really off. Probiotic smoothies for me today.

Mastodon...hope you feel better, sorry that you are hurting.
Granite...CARAMEL CORN??? That is NOT good for your blood sugar. Grab yourself some watermelon, or figs. That a girl.

murray....exercise is the only thing that helps me when I am like that. A long walk/run...a swim...massive cleaning? Something like that. Sorry you're feeling so angry.

I'm going to make some lamb kofte kebabs from a Cook's Illustrated recipe on a charcoal grill in a little while.

I did pick up a watermelon, too.

(murray: It sounds like you're terribly frustrated with something. Sorry :/ )

(mast: I hope you find a peaceful space )

Thanks Wiki. I was thinking that doing something like that might help and I certainly have plenty of cleaning and yardwork to do. These feelings are just so foreign to me and they scare me. All of my life I have been surrounded by angry raging people and it frightens and fills me with such shame to see that I have this sort of anger inside me too....

Hope your tummy feels better. Sorry you had to miss kayaking. It's something I've never tried. I think I'd tip over.

Murray... my sister does kickboxing with one of the videos on youtube...to work out her anger

four loads of laundry washed... now I have to get in shower so I can take them to laundromat to dry...

ah...tipping over is half the fun!

My parents were angry abusive people...and I never thought I could have that kind of rage inside of me...but several times when dealing with my mother I have an overwhelming desire to punch her face in. For hours. So, I now scrub baseboards when I feel like that. I get my organic cleaner and a rag and go thru the whole house until every baseboard is clean. Now that I take my mom to church every Sunday I have the cleanest baseboards in North America.

((( Murray ))) - My T tells me to exercise - or go somewhere private where I can scream - or smack a stick against a tree - something that doesn't harm me or others. Until now, I've only used SI and medicating when the feelings become too intense. I don't generally feel much anger but I do feel intense desperation and anxiety. But the same activities apply.

((( RTS ))) - I hear you. It creates such sadness and even anger/frustration to know that we have to find ways to soothe ourselves rather than have others help us do that. (( HUGS ))

I've made more progress on this house, but damn, I'm so slow. I can't do much before I get distracted or need to rest. Gah! I could get so much more done if I could just focus and push through. GRR.

Gotta work on the bathroom, steps and foyer....oh, and laundry....and pick up groceries in an hour.

Thanks
Yeah I usually have the overwhelming anxiety, desperation, sadness, etc...just not anger normally.

Your example of your spotless baseboards made me laugh Wiki.

sorry chica Carmel corn is in the oven and made Carmel candy to boot mmmmmmmmm.ill share

...and if you run out of baseboards, wiki, I have a house full right here.....I'll PM you the address....LOL

hey can I get my name on that list after MUE?

my base boards are clean but i do have my sons room that needs to have the walls fixed and paited

I like caramel corn. I like regular popcorn best. I also like watermelon and figs and lamb kofte kabobs.
I have never washed a baseboard. Even if the cats have a hairball on them, I just wait for the dogs to do what dogs do.

Wiki has her work cut out for her....

Caramel corn sounds awesome right about now.....granite, time for you to prepare some care packages of caramel corn....I'll be waiting!