[dolphinlover8]

I don't know if any of you remember but I have been dealing with transference for a while now. My therapist moved away but I still email him. I just told him about the transference to see if he could help me deal with it or give me any advice. He said that he can't give me any advice because it is about him. I'm really upset now. All I want to do is cry. I really don't know how to deal with this. I will never be able to talk to him about this again. I am seeing a new therapist but she can't do anything about it. I am just really upset/sad and don't know how to deal with it.

[ultramar]

I really don't think transference can be dealt with over e-mail. It's very complicated, emotionally charged, and -obviously- has everything to do with the relationship, which means the two of you need to be sitting together and trying to work it through. It's also something that takes time.

If you'd like to deal with this with him, I would schedule an appointment and see where it goes from there.

[dolphinlover8]

Yeah your probably right that it can't be dealt with over email but what happened happened and I can't go back and change it now. It already happened and he knows about it now. I can't make an appointment with him. He moved really far away. The only way I have been talking to him since he moved is through email. So seeing him in person isn't an option. I don't even know if I will ever see him again. It just hurts so bad. All I have been doing since he said that is crying off and on.

Transference has to be worked through in the presence of the therapist.

When I moved away and left a therapist, she suggested the following. It might not work for you, but....I just kept writing.

Buy a notebook.
On one page write out YOUR feelings for your T. Just let it all come out.

On the opposite page, write out what YOU want your T to respond.

Almost like a conversation between the two of you, but it is all based on your feelings and desired responses..

In reality, when working through transference, the therapist will give some and "deny" some, but if you want, you could try writing his denials later on.

good luck.

[dolphinlover8]

Thanks! I might try that and see if that helps me but the only thing I'm worried about is if that would make my transference worse but I will try it.

Perhaps being sad is what you need to feel To go forward. A new therapist can help you. It's not about 'him' per see. It's actually about you.

[WikidPissah]

Who are you transferring onto the T? Is it an ex-lover, a teenage crush, a parent? I have read that the best thing is to actually make a list of things that aren't like what you think.

Like...T wouldn't be the perfect lover because he does A, B , C....
and he's really not like my father because of A,B,C.

T is a real person, and you are most likely idolizing him. THink about him taking a crap, or puking, or farting...all those things real people do.

[dolphinlover8]

I don't really know who I am transferring onto him. It could be who I want as a boyfriend. Like how he never judged,I was comfortable with him etc. And lol about thinking about him in that way and yeah I might try the list. Thanks